It’s natural to crave a bit of reassurance in life, but if you can’t make decisions or feel good about your choices without it, that’s a problem.
You should be able to trust your own judgement and back yourself without other people telling you that you’re on the right path. If you struggle in this department, here are some things to try to start self-validating a bit more.
1. Catch yourself in the act.
Are you always asking your friends if your outfit looks okay, or checking in with your boss to make sure you’re doing a good job? Once you spot the pattern, you can start to change it. It requires a bit of self-awareness, but this skill comes in handy in all areas of life, so it’s worth developing.
2. Give yourself a pep talk.
Instead of looking to other people for a confidence boost, try being your own cheerleader. It might feel a bit daft at first, but giving yourself a little pep talk can work wonders. Tell yourself “You’ve got this” or “You’re doing just fine”. Soon enough, you’ll start to internalise these messages.
3. Keep a win journal.
Source: Unsplash Start jotting down your daily wins, no matter how small. Made it to work on time? Win. Cooked a decent meal? Another win. When you’re feeling wobbly, flip through your journal and remind yourself of all the things you’re nailing.
4. Question your worst-case scenarios.
Often, we seek reassurance because we’re imagining the worst. But how likely is that worst-case scenario, really? Challenge those thoughts. Ask yourself, “What’s the actual likelihood of that happening?” Most of the time, you’ll realise you’re catastrophising. You can be your own voice of reason!
5. Practise mindfulness.
Mindfulness isn’t just for new-age hippies — it’s about staying present and not getting caught up in worry spirals. When you feel the need for reassurance creeping in, take a deep breath and focus on the here and now. What can you see, hear, feel?
6. Set small, achievable goals.
Nothing boosts confidence like ticking things off a to-do list. Set yourself some small, doable goals each day. Maybe it’s sending that email you’ve been putting off, or going for a quick walk. Achieving these little goals gives you a sense of accomplishment.
7. Learn to sit with uncertainty.
Life’s full of unknowns, and that’s okay. Instead of immediately looking for reassurance when you’re unsure, try sitting with that feeling for a bit. It might be uncomfortable at first, but you’ll start to realise you can handle not knowing everything.
8. Challenge your inner critic.
We all have that nagging voice in our head that points out our flaws, but remember, it’s not always right. When you catch yourself being self-critical, challenge those thoughts. Would you talk to a friend that way? Probably not. Treat yourself with the same kindness you’d show a mate.
9. Focus on what you can control.
Often, we seek reassurance about things we can’t change. Instead, try to focus your energy on what you can control. Can’t control whether someone likes you? Focus on being your authentic self instead. It’s like redirecting your worry energy into something productive.
10. Practise self-compassion.
Try treating yourself with the same compassion you’d show a good friend. Made a mistake? It happens. Feeling unsure? That’s normal. Being kind to yourself can reduce the need for external validation.
11. Delay your reassurance-seeking.
When you feel the urge to seek reassurance, try waiting it out. Give yourself a set time — say, 10 minutes — before acting on it. Often, you’ll find the urge passes on its own. If it doesn’t, maybe you do really need some backup this time, and that’s okay.
12. Reframe the compliments you receive.
When someone gives you a compliment, resist the urge to dismiss it or ask for more. Instead, really take it in. Savour it. Maybe even write it down. Training yourself to truly accept praise can reduce your need to constantly seek it out.
13. Develop your own opinion.
Before asking other people what they think, ask yourself first. What’s your take on the situation? What do you actually want or prefer? Developing trust in your own judgement can reduce the need for constant input from other people.
14. Embrace the learning process.
Remember, it’s okay not to be perfect. Every mistake or moment of uncertainty is a chance to learn and grow. Instead of looking for reassurance that you’re doing everything right, get curious about what you can learn from the situation.
15. Practise gradual exposure.
Start small by resisting the urge to seek reassurance in low-stakes situations. Maybe don’t ask if your hair looks okay today, or if your email sounds alright. As you get more comfortable, you can work up to bigger things. The more confident you become, the less reassurance you’ll need.
16. Remember, nobody has it all figured out.
It’s easy to think everyone else has got their life sorted, but the truth is, we’re all winging it to some degree. Remembering that can take the pressure off and reduce the need for constant reassurance. We’re all in this together, just doing our best.
