Marriages don’t usually fall apart overnight, you know.
It’s the small, everyday behaviours that slowly wear down the connection bit by bit. These habits might seem minor in the moment, but when they’re allowed to continue for months or even years, they create distance, frustration, and resentment. The good news is that once you spot them, they can be changed. Here are some common behaviours that quietly destroy your marriage — if you notice them, it’s time to course correct before it’s too late.
1. Putting phones before each other
Spending more time scrolling than talking can create an invisible wall in a marriage. It’s easy to get lost in messages, social media, or emails, but when that happens regularly, real connection starts to fade. After a while, it can start to feel like you’re living side by side instead of actually being present with each other. Small moments of attention add up, and when those are spent on a screen instead of your partner, it starts to feel like they don’t matter. Even if it’s unintentional, the message it sends is clear. Being mindful of when and how often the phone takes priority can make a big difference.
2. Letting ‘thank you’ slip away
Gratitude makes people feel appreciated, and when it’s missing, small resentments start building. It’s easy to take things for granted after years together, whether it’s making dinner, handling chores, or supporting each other through tough days. But when those efforts go unnoticed, they start to feel expected rather than valued. A simple ‘thank you’ can go a long way in keeping a marriage strong. Feeling appreciated creates a sense of warmth and connection. It’s not about grand gestures, just small acknowledgements that remind each other that what they do matters.
3. Dismissing each other’s feelings
It’s easy to brush off emotions when they seem small or overreactive, but doing that too often makes a partner feel unheard. Saying things like ‘you’re overreacting’ or ‘it’s not a big deal’ might seem harmless, but they invalidate emotions. Over time, this can make someone feel like opening up isn’t worth it. Listening without trying to fix or downplay emotions helps keep trust intact. Everyone wants to feel understood, even when their feelings don’t make perfect sense. When emotions are consistently dismissed, people stop sharing them, and that creates distance.
4. Avoiding conversations you know deep down you need to have
Pushing issues aside doesn’t make them go away — it just makes them harder to deal with later. Avoiding difficult discussions to keep the peace might work in the short term, but over time, resentment builds. Problems that don’t get addressed usually grow into bigger ones. Honest conversations, even uncomfortable ones, help keep a marriage strong. Ignoring issues doesn’t stop them from existing, it just leaves one or both partners feeling unheard. Tackling things head-on might not be easy, but it prevents long-term damage.
5. Keeping score in arguments
Bringing up past mistakes every time there’s a disagreement turns fights into battles. When arguments shift from resolving an issue to proving who has been ‘more wrong,’ nothing productive happens. Keeping score turns disagreements into competition rather than a chance to understand each other. Healthy marriages focus on finding solutions instead of tallying up faults. Holding onto past mistakes keeps resentment alive, even when an issue should be in the past. Letting go of the need to ‘win’ an argument makes it easier to actually move forward.
6. Not making time for real conversations
Busy schedules make it easy to fall into surface-level exchanges — talking about schedules, kids, or work without actually connecting. When deep conversations disappear, emotional closeness fades. Marriage thrives on more than just logistics. Taking time to talk beyond the everyday to-do list keeps a relationship strong. Checking in about each other’s thoughts, feelings, and dreams helps prevent growing apart. The little moments of connection add up more than people realise.
7. Forgetting to show affection
Physical touch is a powerful way to stay connected, but over time, it can start to fade without noticing. A lack of affection doesn’t always mean there’s a problem, but it does create distance. Small gestures, like a hug, a hand on the back, or a quick kiss, help maintain closeness. Affection reinforces love in a way words can’t always do. It’s easy to assume a partner ‘knows’ they’re loved, but showing it through touch makes a difference. The little moments of physical connection help keep emotional closeness strong.
8. Letting humour disappear
Laughing together keeps a marriage light, even during stressful times. When humour fades, everything starts to feel heavier. Inside jokes, playful teasing, and shared laughter strengthen a bond more than most people realise. It’s easy to get caught up in responsibilities and forget to have fun together. Making space for laughter, even in small ways, helps keep things feeling fresh. A marriage that has fun is one that feels alive rather than just routine.
9. Holding onto small annoyances
Every couple has little things that irritate them about each other, but holding onto those frustrations builds resentment. When minor annoyances aren’t let go, they start adding up. Over time, they overshadow the good parts of the relationship. Letting go of the small stuff keeps things in perspective. Not every frustration needs to be a discussion or a complaint. Choosing to focus on what matters makes a marriage feel more like a partnership than a constant struggle.
10. Not supporting each other’s interests
Having separate hobbies and passions is healthy, but ignoring them can make a partner feel disconnected. Dismissing what someone loves, even jokingly, can make them feel like their interests don’t matter. In the end, this creates emotional distance. Supporting each other, even in small ways, makes a big difference. Asking about a partner’s interests, celebrating their wins, or just showing a little curiosity strengthens connection. Feeling seen and valued for who you are keeps a marriage strong.
11. Assuming love is enough
Love is important, but it’s not the only thing that keeps a marriage going. Respect, effort, and communication all play a huge role. Assuming that love alone will hold everything together can lead to neglecting the relationship. Strong marriages aren’t built on love alone; they’re built on choices. Choosing to listen, to care, and to put in effort every day makes the difference. When love is backed up by action, it stays strong over time.
12. Letting appreciation fade
At the start of a relationship, compliments and appreciation come naturally. Over time, those little moments of recognition can fade, leaving a partner feeling unseen. Even small words of encouragement make a big impact. Taking a second to acknowledge what someone brings to the marriage keeps the connection strong. Feeling appreciated makes people want to give more. A marriage where both people feel valued is one that stays solid.
13. Expecting a partner to read your mind
It’s frustrating when a partner doesn’t notice what’s wrong, but expecting them to just ‘know’ isn’t fair. No one is a mind reader, and unspoken expectations lead to disappointment. Open communication prevents unnecessary tension. Talking about needs and feelings directly makes everything easier. When both partners know what’s expected, they don’t have to guess. The less guessing involved, the less room there is for frustration.
14. Taking each other for granted
Over time, it’s easy to assume a partner will always be there. The little things they do can start feeling like obligations rather than acts of love. When effort goes unnoticed, it can feel like it doesn’t matter anymore. Recognising what a partner brings to the relationship keeps things strong. Saying ‘thank you,’ showing appreciation, and making an effort go a long way. Feeling valued makes people want to keep showing up for each other.
15. Not having fun together anymore
Marriage isn’t just about responsibilities; it’s about enjoying life together. When fun disappears, things start feeling more like a routine than a relationship. Making time for fun, even in small ways, keeps the connection alive. Whether it’s trying something new, going on a spontaneous trip, or just laughing over something silly, fun strengthens the bond. The strongest marriages have balance — support, respect, and moments of joy. When fun is part of the mix, everything else feels easier.
