For many people on the spectrum, everyday situations can feel more confusing than comforting.
It’s because they’re too complicated or difficult to comprehend, but because they rely on social rules that never quite seem logical. These moments often feel like stepping into a conversation halfway through, where everyone else knows the script, but you’re still figuring out the language. That doesn’t necessarily mean they’re struggling to cope. That being said, it can be tough to continually have to navigate spaces that don’t account for how your brain naturally works. These things in particular can pose a bit of a struggle.
1. Casual small talk that doesn’t go anywhere
Those light, meandering conversations that seem to exist for their own sake can be oddly disorienting. There’s no clear direction, no purpose to anchor to, and no real indicators for when they start or end. It’s often hard to tell if someone genuinely wants to connect or is just filling time out of habit.
It doesn’t have anything to do with disliking conversation. It’s really about the friction of having to decode vague, often contradictory signals while trying to sound natural. The rhythm feels off, and the effort required to stay in sync can be exhausting.
2. Group laughter when the punchline doesn’t land for you
You’re standing in a circle, someone says something, and everyone suddenly laughs, but you’re still trying to work out what was funny. It might’ve been sarcasm, a pop culture reference, or just an in-joke that you didn’t catch. That disconnect leaves you faking a smile or laughing along just to keep things moving. Inside, though, it can feel isolating, like you’re watching a film with the sound off while everyone else has already seen it before.
3. Being asked “How are you?” without anyone wanting a real answer
This question pops up everywhere, from passing chats to store checkouts, but answering it honestly can sometimes feel like you’ve broken a social rule. Most people expect a quick “fine” or “good,” and anything deeper can catch them off guard. It creates a strange tension. You were asked something directly, so why is it awkward to respond sincerely? That constant negotiation between what’s said and what’s socially expected can be quietly draining.
4. Loud, unstructured spaces like open offices
Environments filled with background conversations, phones ringing, keyboards tapping, and sudden interruptions can feel like sensory chaos. Even when you’re trying to focus, your nervous system is picking up every little noise and movement. It’s more than just distraction; it’s overstimulation that leaves you feeling scattered and tense. These spaces are designed for interaction, but often leave you longing for a quiet corner where your mind can work without interference.
5. Unexpected physical touch, like group hugs or shoulder pats
People often mean well when they reach out physically, but even casual touch can feel jarring or overwhelming. The suddenness, the intensity, or simply not being prepared for it can send your system into overdrive. It’s not a rejection of affection; it’s a sensory boundary that’s hard to explain in the moment. The pressure to respond the “right” way only adds another layer of discomfort.
6. Plans that change constantly without notice
When someone says “let’s meet at 2” but then casually changes it to 3, or adds extra people without checking in, it can feel destabilising. You’ve mentally prepared for one thing—mapped it out, even rehearsed parts of it—and now you have to recalibrate on the fly. Spontaneity might sound fun to some, but for someone who relies on structure to feel grounded, these last-minute shifts can throw the whole day off balance.
7. Expectations around eye contact during conversation
There’s often pressure to maintain eye contact as a sign of respect or engagement, but for many on the spectrum, it feels unnatural or even intrusive. Holding someone’s gaze while also processing what they’re saying can become a task that pulls focus away from the actual conversation.
When eye contact becomes a test of sincerity rather than an optional element of interaction, it places unnecessary strain on communication that could otherwise be more comfortable and effective.
8. Phone calls that come out of nowhere
Source: Unsplash Receiving a phone call without any warning can spark immediate anxiety—not because you don’t want to talk, but because there’s no time to mentally prepare. Calls come with no visual cues, unpredictable tones, and the pressure to respond quickly.
You’re not avoiding connection, really. You just need a moment to process and respond in a way that feels clear. The spontaneity of phone calls often clashes with the need for thoughtful communication.
9. Honesty being read as rudeness
Answering a question directly, without dressing it up in extra layers, can lead to reactions you didn’t expect. What feels like a clear, kind answer to you might be interpreted as blunt or insensitive to someone else. That mismatch between intention and interpretation creates tension that’s hard to fix. You’re not being cold; you’re just speaking plainly in a world that often prefers ambiguity.
10. Sudden loud applause or cheers in group settings
Everyone’s clapping, cheering, or shouting encouragement, but to you, it feels like the sound hit a switch in your body. It’s not celebration—it’s overload, a jolt of noise that floods your senses. Even happy energy can feel like too much when it arrives unannounced. It takes time to recalibrate, and the pressure to match the mood makes it even harder to stay present.
11. Trying to decode what people mean, not just what they say
When people speak in hints, sarcasm, or roundabout comments, it feels like trying to solve a riddle with missing pieces. Everyone else seems to catch the meaning effortlessly, but for you, it’s not always clear what’s being communicated. It creates a social landscape filled with hidden signals. Understandably, constantly trying to interpret subtext that isn’t there in the words can leave you mentally worn down.
12. Being expected to sense when the energy in a room changes
People often adjust their tone or behaviour based on subtle changes in group mood, but picking up on those changes in real time isn’t always second nature. The expectation to “just know” can leave you feeling out of step, even when you’re trying hard to tune in. When your response doesn’t match what other people expect, it creates a gap that’s hard to bridge without someone explicitly saying what’s going on.
13. Having your emotions misread because your face doesn’t show them
You might be deeply moved, frustrated, or even joyful, but people assume you’re indifferent because your face or body language doesn’t show it in the way they expect. That mismatch leads to confusion and even judgement. It’s not about lacking emotion; it’s about expressing it differently. But in social settings that rely heavily on facial cues, it can feel like your inner world is constantly misunderstood.
14. Being told your sensory needs are “too much”
You ask to turn down the music, dim the lights, or avoid a certain fabric—and someone responds like you’re being dramatic or picky. What’s a mild preference to them is a serious discomfort for you. These responses are frustrating not just because they dismiss your needs, but because they ignore how much effort you’ve already put into adapting. You’re not overreacting; you’re trying to function in a world that wasn’t built with your nervous system in mind.
