Not all stalking looks like someone hiding in the bushes or following you down the street.
Many stalking behaviours are subtle, disguised as concern or coincidence, which is what makes them so insidious. Here are 14 problematic behaviours you might not have recognised for what they really are. If these things are happening to you, speak to someone you trust, or even contact the police if you feel like you may be in danger. Stalking is not okay, and you shouldn’t have to live in fear.
1. Repeated “accidental” run-ins
If someone keeps turning up in places you never mentioned you’d be, and it happens more than once, that’s not just a quirky coincidence. It could mean they’re tracking your movements or watching your online activity. This behaviour is often passed off as random, but it’s usually calculated. They want to see you, insert themselves into your day, and test how close they can get without raising the alarm.
2. Constantly liking or commenting on every post
There’s a difference between engagement and obsession. If someone you’re not close with is all over every single post, story, or interaction you have online, they may be keeping tabs on your activity. Even if it seems harmless, this kind of over-monitoring often comes with a sense of entitlement to your time or attention. It’s not always flattering—it can be invasive.
3. Messaging you repeatedly after you’ve stopped responding
If someone continues reaching out after you’ve clearly pulled back or gone quiet, it’s a red flag. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for setting boundaries, especially if your silence has already made things clear. Repeated messages can quickly go from persistence to pressure. And when someone won’t respect a non-response, it’s not about connection—it’s about control.
4. Showing up at your workplace or school uninvited
Even if it’s framed as romantic or sweet, turning up in your professional or personal spaces without warning is a serious breach of boundaries. It puts you on edge and takes away your sense of control. This isn’t about effort—it’s about testing how much access they can get to your life. When done repeatedly, it’s a clear stalking pattern.
5. Asking mutual friends for updates on you
If someone’s consistently asking people around you for information—where you’ve been, who you’re with, how you’re doing—it’s not casual curiosity. It’s a way to keep tabs without contacting you directly. This behaviour can create discomfort for your friends too. It pulls other people into their pursuit and is often used as a backdoor to regain proximity when direct contact has been blocked or discouraged.
6. Creating fake profiles to view your content
If you’ve blocked someone and suddenly start getting views or follows from new or suspicious accounts, it could be them trying to work around the boundary you set. This is more common than many people realise. They’re not stubbornly trying to stay connected; they’re refusing to let go. When someone can’t respect a block, it’s a clear sign they’re still trying to maintain control.
7. Sending gifts after you’ve gone no-contact
Source: Unsplash Flowers, letters, even expensive presents might seem like harmless gestures, but when they arrive after you’ve asked for space or ended contact, they’re not innocent—they’re pressure dressed up as kindness. Doing this forces you to engage, whether you want to or not. It can feel emotionally confusing and is often used to blur lines and create guilt.
8. Monitoring your online status or activity patterns
If someone starts commenting on when you’re online, when you last replied, or how often you post, they may be keeping an unhealthy level of watch over you, even if they never message directly. It’s often subtle at first, but the constant awareness of your digital presence can feel suffocating. They may not even want to be in contact with you, but they definitely want to stay in control of your access points.
9. Bringing up oddly specific things you didn’t tell them
Sometimes they’ll mention things about your day, plans, or routines that you didn’t share with them directly. This could mean they’re watching your posts closely, or even following you in real life. It’s often framed as coincidence or intuition, but when the details are too accurate, it’s likely not accidental. That level of familiarity without consent feels eerie for a reason.
10. Tagging you in things after you’ve stepped back
If you’ve distanced yourself, and they continue tagging you in posts, comments, or photos, they may be trying to force a sense of connection that you’ve actively pulled away from. Tagging can be a tool to keep their presence in your life—and your feed. It’s not just attention-seeking, it’s a subtle reassertion of their place in your world.
11. Refusing to accept your boundaries as final
This looks like saying “just one more call,” showing up after you’ve said no, or pushing for explanations when you’ve already given your answer. They’re not confused; they’re working on wearing down your “no.” The more you have to repeat yourself, the more exhausted you become. This is often deliberate. They want you to feel worn down enough to stop resisting.
12. Trying to stay close to your family or friends
If someone keeps reaching out to your loved ones even after you’ve pulled back, it may be part of a tactic to stay relevant. They’ll say it’s about maintaining friendships, but it’s really about staying in orbit. This keeps them present in your circle, where they can keep an eye on you, shape the narrative, or even use shared contacts to influence you indirectly.
13. Bringing up memories or inside jokes to trigger emotional responses
They might reference shared memories, songs, or phrases that meant something in the past. This isn’t random; it’s often a strategic way to stir feelings or confusion, especially when they sense you moving on. This tactic works by bypassing your logic and triggering nostalgia. However, emotional manipulation masked as sentimentality is still a red flag, especially when it’s one-sided and uninvited.
14. Treating “no response” as an invitation to keep trying
Source: Unsplash Silence is a response. But stalkers often treat it as a challenge. They’ll keep trying different angles—new numbers, mutual friends, unexpected gifts—all to get some reaction out of you. The persistence is often mislabelled as devotion. But real respect includes respecting distance. When someone can’t leave you alone, even with no encouragement, that’s not love—it’s a boundary violation.
