True friends are supposed to have your back, but sometimes, people who call themselves your friends can actually be pretty toxic.
If you notice the people you’re hanging around with seem more like enemies than friends, it might be time to cut them loose. Here are some red flag behaviours you should never put up with from your so-called mates.
1. They spill your secrets like it’s no big deal.
A real friend knows how to keep their mouth shut when it matters. If your so-called buddy is blabbing your personal stuff to anyone who’ll listen, that’s a major red flag. Trust is a big deal in friendships, and once it’s broken, it’s hard to get back. If you find yourself hesitating to share things because you’re worried they’ll tell everyone, it might be time to rethink that friendship.
2. They’re only around when they need something.
We all get busy sometimes, but if your friend only pops up when they need a favour, that’s not cool. Friendship is a two-way street. If you’re always the one giving, and they’re always taking, it’s not a balanced relationship. A true friend is there for the good times and the bad, not just when it’s convenient for them.
3. They put you down, even as a “joke”.
Friendly banter is one thing, but if your friend’s jokes always seem to come at your expense, that’s not okay. A good friend builds you up, not tears you down. If their “jokes” leave you feeling hurt or embarrassed, it’s time to speak up. And if they don’t stop after you’ve told them how you feel, well, that says a lot about how much they value your friendship.
4. They’re always competing with you.
Life isn’t a contest, and your friends shouldn’t treat it like one. If they’re always trying to one-up you or can’t be happy about your successes, that’s not friendship — it’s jealousy. Real friends celebrate each other’s wins and support each other through the tough times. They don’t turn everything into a competition.
5. They ditch you when someone “better” comes along.
If your friend is always cancelling plans or ignoring you when they’ve got other options, that stings. It’s okay to have other friends, but constantly being treated like a backup plan isn’t cool. A true friend values your time and your company. They don’t make you feel like you’re just a placeholder until something more exciting comes along.
6. They pressure you to do things you’re not comfortable with.
A good friend respects your boundaries and values. If they’re always pushing you to do stuff you don’t want to do, whether it’s drinking, drugs, or anything else, that’s not okay. Real friends support your choices and don’t try to change who you are. They should have your back, not push you into uncomfortable situations.
7. They’re always negative about your dreams and goals.
Friends should be your cheerleaders, not your doom sayers. If they’re always shooting down your ideas or telling you why you can’t achieve your goals, that’s not supportive — it’s toxic. Sure, friends can offer reality checks when needed, but they should do it in a way that’s constructive, not discouraging. A true friend believes in you and helps you work towards your dreams.
8. They ghost you when you’re going through tough times.
Life isn’t always sunshine and rainbows, and real friends stick around for the stormy days too. If your friend disappears every time you’re dealing with something difficult, that’s not cool. True friends show up when you’re struggling. They don’t need to have all the answers, but they should at least be there to listen and offer support.
9. They’re always trying to change you.
A good friend accepts you for who you are, quirks and all. If they’re constantly trying to change your personality, your style, or your interests, that’s not friendship — it’s control. It’s okay for friends to introduce you to new things, but it should never feel like they’re trying to mould you into someone else. Your uniqueness should be celebrated, not criticised.
10. They talk badly about you behind your back.
This one’s pretty obvious, but it’s worth saying. If you find out your “friend” is trash-talking you when you’re not around, that’s a huge betrayal. Real friends might vent about each other occasionally, but there’s a line between venting and being two-faced. If they can’t say it to your face, they shouldn’t be saying it at all.
11. They’re always “borrowing” your stuff without asking.
Sharing is caring, but there’s a difference between sharing and taking advantage. If your friend is always using your things without asking, or worse, not returning them, that’s disrespectful. It shows they don’t value your property or your boundaries. A good friend asks before borrowing and takes care of your stuff like it’s their own.
12. They make you feel bad for hanging out with other people.
Friendships shouldn’t be exclusive. If your friend gets jealous or angry when you spend time with other people, that’s not healthy. It’s normal to have multiple friends, and it’s okay to branch out. A true friend is secure enough in your relationship to be happy that you’re expanding your social circle, not trying to keep you all to themselves.
13. They’re always the victim in their stories.
If your friend is constantly painting themselves as the victim in every situation, it might be time to have a closer look. While it’s important to support friends through tough times, someone who never takes responsibility for their actions can be draining. Real friends can admit when they’re wrong and learn from their mistakes, not just blame everyone else.
14. They’re only nice to you when no one else is around.
A friend who treats you differently depending on who’s watching isn’t a true friend. If they’re sweet as pie when it’s just the two of you, but ignore you or act differently when other people are around, that’s two-faced behaviour. Real friends are consistent — they value you whether you’re alone or in a crowd. Your friendship shouldn’t change based on the audience.
