When someone you care about is clearly anxious but doesn’t want to talk about it, it can leave you feeling helpless.
You want to do something—say the right thing, fix it, calm them down—but they’ve closed off. However, sometimes, pushing too hard to “help” only makes things worse. The truth is, support doesn’t always have to come through words. In fact, when anxiety is high, what often matters most is presence—the kind that feels calm, gentle, and safe without demanding anything in return. These are some simple ways you can show up for someone who’s struggling with anxiety, even when they’re not in a place to talk about it.
1. Let your calm be louder than their panic.
One of the best things you can offer is your energy. If their mind is spinning, you don’t need to spin with it. Breathe slower. Speak softer. Stay grounded. You’re not there to match their chaos—you’re there to anchor it. Even if they don’t acknowledge it, your calm presence gives them something steady to hold onto. It shows them that the anxiety doesn’t scare you, and that alone can be incredibly comforting.
2. Sit nearby without forcing conversation or connection.
If they’ve gone quiet, don’t fill the space with questions. Just be there. Sit beside them, do something simple like scrolling on your phone or folding laundry. Let your presence say, “I’m here,” without putting pressure on them to engage. That physical proximity can be more powerful than you think. It says: I’m not going anywhere, and I’m not asking you to perform for me right now.
3. Offer small, practical comforts.
Instead of asking, “What do you need?” (which can feel overwhelming), try offering something specific: a glass of water, a blanket, a snack. These small actions help ground the body, which can be a helpful first step in calming the mind. It’s not about fixing them. It’s about making the space around them feel a little softer, a little more manageable. That kindness sinks in, even when they don’t respond.
4. Use non-verbal reassurance to put them more at ease.
Source: Unsplash A gentle squeeze of the hand. A reassuring nod. A soft smile if they glance your way. These small signals can communicate safety without demanding anything. Sometimes people with anxiety can’t handle full conversation, but they’re still picking up every emotional cue. When your body language says, “I’m not judging you,” that can be more comforting than any sentence you could say.
5. Let silence be safe.
A lot of people try to fill silence because they think it means something’s wrong. But when someone is anxious, silence can actually be soothing if it’s not loaded with expectation. Let it exist. Don’t rush to fix it. If they know you’re comfortable sitting silently beside them, they’ll start to relax into that space. That’s often where the real regulation starts—not in conversation, but in relaxed presence.
6. Do something mindless nearby.
Sometimes people with anxiety just need to see that life keeps moving gently around them. Fold laundry. Make tea. Tidy a corner of the room. You’re not ignoring them; you’re showing that everything doesn’t have to stop just because their mind is spiralling. Your rhythm can encourage theirs to regulate, and doing something ordinary nearby can be far more grounding than sitting and staring at them with concern.
7. Keep your tone soft and slow.
If you do speak, match the energy you want to create. Avoid rapid questions or intense problem-solving. Speak gently. Take pauses. Let them feel like there’s room to breathe between your words. Your tone sets the emotional temperature, and if your energy stays calm, theirs has more room to return to baseline without pressure.
8. Be predictable and steady.
When anxiety is high, unpredictability makes it worse. So be consistent. If you’re coming over, show up when you say you will. If you say you’ll check in later, do it. Let them know what to expect, and stick to it. That doesn’t mean being rigid. It means being reliable. When your behaviour doesn’t change based on their mood, they start to feel safer around you.
9. Calmly validate their experience.
Even if they’re not ready to talk, you can still offer validation. A simple, “I know things feel really overwhelming right now,” can go a long way. You’re not trying to unpack it—you’re just naming what’s real. Validation without interrogation feels safe. It lets them feel seen without having to explain themselves. That’s the sweet spot when someone’s struggling to open up.
10. Offer your presence in the background.
If they want space, respect it—but don’t disappear. You can stay in the next room, check in with a soft “I’ll be nearby if you need anything,” and then actually follow through. They may not respond, but knowing you’re close matters. People with anxiety often isolate because they don’t want to be a burden. Your calm availability shows them they’re not, and that you’re not afraid of their silence.
11. Avoid saying “just relax” or “calm down.”
Even if you mean well, these phrases usually make people feel worse. They imply the person has control over what’s happening and is simply choosing not to calm down. That rarely helps. Instead, focus on safety. You can say things like, “You’re not alone,” or “You don’t have to explain anything right now.” Those phrases soothe without dismissing their experience.
12. Let them set the pace.
If they do start to talk, resist the urge to dive into questions or solutions. Let them lead. If they go quiet again, don’t rush to fill the gap. That ebb and flow is part of how anxiety regulates itself. When they feel like they can control the pace without being pushed, they’ll be more likely to open up in their own time. Trust that slow connection is still connection.
13. Be someone they don’t have to perform for.
Anxiety often makes people feel like they have to mask their discomfort to avoid disappointing other people. Show them you’re not expecting anything—not a smile, not a conversation, not a clean version of what they’re feeling. The more you create space for their full self, the less they’ll feel pressure to hide. That kind of emotional safety is sometimes more healing than anything you could say.
14. Remind them they’re not doing anything wrong.
People with anxiety often feel guilty for not being “better company.” A little reminder that they’re allowed to be exactly as they are—even if that means being distant, quiet, or flat—can soften the shame spiral they’re in. You’re not excusing the anxiety—you’re reminding them it’s human. And sometimes that little bit of grace helps them come back to themselves faster than any pep talk ever could.
15. Keep showing up.
Support doesn’t always look dramatic. Sometimes it looks like texting a meme. Dropping off their favourite snack. Sitting through the silence without flinching. You don’t have to be perfect. You just have to be there. When someone knows you’re not just checking in once and disappearing, they start to believe the support is real. And even if they don’t say it, that steady presence builds trust—the kind that lasts well beyond the anxious moments.
