Heartbreak is a gut-wrenching, soul-crushing experience that can leave you reeling for months or even years.
When you’ve invested your time, energy, and vulnerability into someone, it’s so hard to let them go and move on. You might find yourself reminiscing over old memories, checking their social media obsessively, or pining for a reunion that’ll never come. The truth is that clinging to a lost love only extends your suffering and prevents you from finding true happiness. If you want to heal, you have to face all the ways you’re holding yourself back and start to deal with them.
1. You’re idealising the relationship.
When you’re heartbroken, it’s tempting to put your ex on a pedestal and remember only the good parts of your relationship. You conveniently forget the fights, the incompatibilities, the red flags. But this rose-tinted reminiscing is a trap. It keeps you stuck in the past and unable to see your ex for who they really are — a flawed human being, not a perfect soulmate. Write down a brutally honest list of your ex’s shortcomings and the ways you were unfulfilled in the relationship. Read it whenever you feel yourself slipping into idealisation mode.
2. You’re addicted to the drama.
Admittedly (and bizarrely), sometimes heartbreak can feel strangely exhilarating. The emotional highs and lows, the late-night sobbing sessions, the “will-they-won’t-they” suspense… It’s like being the star of your own tragic romance film. But constantly riding this rollercoaster of feelings is exhausting and unsustainable. It keeps you stuck in a cycle of pain and prevents you from finding stability. When you find yourself craving another hit of heartbreak drama, redirect that energy into something productive, like exercise, art, or time with friends. Choose peace over chaos.
3. You’re afraid to be alone.
Humans are wired for connection, and the thought of being alone can be terrifying — especially if your identity was closely tied to your relationship. You might stay hung up on your ex because you’d rather cling to a dead-end bond than face the uncertainty of the single life. But being alone doesn’t equal being lonely. Embrace this time as an opportunity to rediscover yourself, cultivate new friendships, and become your own favourite company. The more comfortable you get with solitude, the less you’ll fear it.
4. You think you’ll never find anyone better.
Low self-esteem is the silent killer of post-breakup recovery. When you don’t think you deserve better, you’ll settle for pining over someone who wasn’t right for you. You’ll convince yourself that your ex was your one shot at love and happiness. But here’s the truth: there are billions of people on this planet, and your ex is just one of them. Your worth is not determined by their opinion of you. Focus on building your self-esteem through therapy, personal growth, and pursuing your passions. The more you value yourself, the less you’ll tolerate being undervalued by people.
5. You’re stuck in the “what ifs”.
Keeping in touch with your ex might seem harmless or even mature, but it’s often a sneaky way of avoiding the grief of letting go. Every text message, social media interaction, or “friendly” hang-out rips off the scab and resets your healing process. If you’re serious about moving on, you need to cut contact — at least for a significant period of time. Unfollow them on social media, delete their number, and resist the urge to “check in.” Give yourself the gift of space and watch how much faster you heal.
7. You’re romanticising the beginning.
Source: Unsplash The start of a relationship is often the most intoxicating part — the butterflies, the passion, the endless possibilities. When you’re heartbroken, you might find yourself constantly reminiscing about those early days and wondering where it all went wrong. But here’s the thing: the beginning of a relationship is not an accurate representation of long-term compatibility. It’s easy to be on your best behaviour and overlook red flags when you’re high on new love hormones. Don’t let nostalgia for the honeymoon phase blind you to the reasons why the relationship ultimately didn’t work out.
8. You have a saviour complex.
Source: Unsplash If you’re a natural caretaker or have codependent tendencies, you might struggle to let go of an ex you felt responsible for “fixing” or saving. You pour all your energy into their well-being, convinced that if you just love them hard enough, they’ll change. But the hard truth is, you can’t save someone who doesn’t want to save themselves. You’re not responsible for your ex’s happiness, growth, or choices. Redirect that nurturing energy back to yourself and invest in your own healing and self-improvement.
9. You’re ruminating on the good memories.
Source: Unsplash When you’re missing your ex like crazy, your brain has a funny way of playing only the highlight reel of your relationship — the inside jokes, the romantic getaways, the sweet gestures. But this selective memory is a trap. It keeps you focused on what you’ve lost rather than what you’ve gained from the breakup (like freedom, self-discovery, and the chance to find a better match). Whenever you find yourself dwelling on a happy memory, mentally fast-forward to the not-so-happy ending of your relationship. Remind yourself that the good times were not sustainable without the foundation of a healthy, fulfilling partnership.
10. You’re convinced they were “The One.”
Soulmates, twin flames, “the one that got away” — these romantic notions can be comforting in the moment, but ultimately keep you stuck in the past. The truth is, there’s no such thing as a perfect person who was cosmically destined to be yours. Relationships take work, compatibility, and a choice to show up every day — not just fate or chemistry. Your ex was one chapter in your story, but they’re not the whole book. Trust that the right person for you is still out there, and will come along when you’re ready to receive them.
11. You’re afraid of regretting the breakup.
The fear of regret can be a powerful thing, especially if you were the one to end the relationship. You might find yourself second-guessing your decision, worrying that you made a horrible mistake and let go of someone irreplaceable. But living in constant fear of “what might have been” is no way to move forward. Every choice in life comes with the risk of regret — but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t the right choice for you at the time. Trust your gut, learn from the experience, and keep putting one foot in front of the other.
12. You’re still holding out hope that you’ll get back together.
As long as you’re still secretly (or not-so-secretly) hoping to get back together with your ex, you’ll never be able to fully let go and move on. You’ll be in a constant state of limbo, waiting for a reunion that may never come. If your ex has made it clear that they don’t want to reconcile, or if you know deep down that getting back together wouldn’t be healthy, it’s time to accept reality. Grieve the future you imagined with them, but also open yourself up to the possibility of a different — and potentially better — future without them.
13. You haven’t learned the lessons.
Every relationship, no matter how painful, comes with valuable lessons and opportunities for growth. If you don’t take the time to reflect on what you learned and how you want to do things differently next time, you’ll keep repeating the same patterns and attracting the same types of unfulfilling partnerships. Take an honest look at your role in the relationship’s demise, as well as the qualities you need in a future partner to feel truly happy and secure. Use this heartbreak as a catalyst for self-discovery and personal evolution.
14. You haven’t let yourself grieve the relationship.
Moving on isn’t about shutting down your feelings or pretending the relationship never happened. It’s about feeling the full depth of your pain, grief, and anger — and slowly, day by day, letting them go. If you try to numb or avoid your emotions, they’ll just fester under the surface and keep you stuck. Give yourself permission to cry, scream, write angsty poetry, or whatever you need to do to express and release your feelings. Surround yourself with supportive people who will let you vent without judgment. Remember, grieving is not a linear process — some days will be harder than others. But every moment you allow yourself to feel is one step closer to healing.
