When a narcissist realises they can no longer manipulate or charm you, their behaviour tends to change quickly—and dramatically.
The mask slips. The games change. And rather than accepting that they’ve lost control, they often double down in ways that are confusing, cruel, or exhausting. If you’ve recently stopped reacting the way they want, or finally started seeing through their act, here are some of the behaviours you might start noticing. The good thing is that if you can anticipate what’s coming, you’re less likely to let these things get to you (at least that’s the idea–it’s hard).
1. They suddenly play the victim.
As soon as you stop giving them the admiration or control they’re used to, narcissists often flip the script. They’ll claim you’re being unfair, cold, or even abusive. They want other people to see them as the one who’s been wronged. It’s got nothing to do with genuine hurt—it’s a tactic. They’re trying to pull the spotlight back to themselves and regain sympathy, especially from people who don’t know the full story.
2. They go silent, but not peacefully.
They might give you the cold shoulder, but it’s not them seeking healing or distance. It’s meant to punish you. The silence is loaded with intention: to make you doubt yourself, feel guilty, or come crawling back. When they can’t win with words, they’ll try to win by withdrawal. However, don’t mistake that quiet for calm—it’s still a form of control.
3. They start changing what happened.
They’ll suddenly “remember” things differently. Conversations, promises, events—they’ll twist everything to make you seem unstable or ungrateful. They’ll deny things they once admitted and insist their version of reality is the truth. This gaslighting ramps up once you stop being easy to manipulate. They want to confuse you just enough that you start second-guessing what you know.
4. They smear your name to anyone who will listen.
If they can’t control how you see them, they’ll try to control how other people see you. Narcissists often launch smear campaigns once their influence over you starts slipping. They’ll tell half-truths, exaggerate, or flat-out lie—all with the goal of isolating you or damaging your credibility. It’s a last-ditch attempt to keep power by shaping the narrative elsewhere.
5. They mirror your boundaries—at least at first.
For a brief moment, they might act like they respect your new boundaries. They’ll seem calm, agreeable, even introspective. Sadly, it’s often a trap to regain your trust. Once they feel like they’ve pulled you back in, the same patterns return. This short-term “change” is usually strategic, not sincere.
6. They mock or belittle your growth.
As you grow stronger, clearer, and more self-assured, they often get more sarcastic or dismissive. They’ll minimise your progress or joke about you being “too sensitive” or “on your high horse.” They can’t stand watching you evolve in ways that no longer centre them. So instead of celebrating your growth, they try to undermine it.
7. They bait you into arguments.
If you stop reacting emotionally, they’ll provoke you deliberately just to get a rise out of you. They want you angry, confused, or on the defensive because that’s when you’re easier to manipulate. These arguments usually don’t make sense. That’s the point. The goal isn’t clarity—it’s chaos. The more unsettled you are, the more likely they are to regain control.
8. They start mimicking accountability, but only in words.
Source: Unsplash They might start using the right language: “I see what I did wrong,” or “I’ve been doing a lot of self-reflection.” However, watch the actions—they rarely follow through. This is often performative. They’re saying what they think you want to hear in hopes you’ll soften or let your guard down again.
9. They try to reframe their worst behaviours as love.
Source: Unsplash They’ll tell you they only acted that way because they cared “too much” or were “afraid of losing you.” It’s an attempt to repackage control, jealousy, or cruelty as intense love. It can be incredibly confusing, especially if part of you wants to believe it. However, real love doesn’t feel like manipulation—it feels like safety.
10. They accuse you of being the narcissist.
Source: Unsplash This is one of the most common defence moves. When they sense the spotlight turning, they’ll flip the label and try to discredit you before you can name their behaviour out loud. They’ll twist your boundaries into selfishness and your emotional distance into cruelty. It’s a way of regaining control by making you question your own motives.
11. They become obsessed with your reactions.
Source: Unsplash Once they know they’re losing their grip, they watch closely. They’ll test you, say things just to see how you respond, and track whether you still flinch, care, or argue back. Any emotional reaction—positive or negative—is still a form of engagement to them. If they can’t have control, they’ll settle for access.
12. They flirt with your boundaries, then act surprised.
Source: Unsplash They’ll “accidentally” cross a line you clearly set, then act shocked or confused when you call it out. It’s a way of testing if your no really means no. These moments are rarely genuine mistakes. They’re usually subtle attempts to poke holes in the wall you’ve started building between you and their dysfunction.
13. They rope in other people to pressure you.
If direct manipulation fails, they’ll get other people involved—friends, family, mutual contacts. They might frame it as concern, but it’s really about getting people to sway you back into compliance. That triangulation spreads the pressure around, making it harder for you to hold your boundary without feeling isolated or judged.
14. They suddenly act like nothing happened.
In some cases, once the drama fails to pull you back, they just pretend the past didn’t happen. No apology, no discussion—just a weird return to surface-level conversation or fake friendliness. It’s a way to reset the dynamic on their terms, skipping accountability altogether. Don’t fall for it—silence doesn’t equal repair.
15. They discard you when they can’t control you.
Source: Unsplash When all else fails, some narcissists cut contact coldly or vanish completely. Not as a mature boundary, but as a final insult. It’s meant to make you feel small, replaceable, or punished for seeing through them. As painful as it might feel, this is often a sign of your strength. You stopped playing the game, and they can’t handle a relationship without control.
16. They come back later, hoping the door’s still open.
Even after silence or distance, narcissists often reappear. Sometimes it’s weeks, sometimes years. They’ll test the waters with a friendly message, a vague apology, or a casual “how have you been?” This isn’t always about missing you—it’s about checking whether they still have access. And unless they’ve done deep, actual work (which is rare), the same patterns usually return once you let them in again.
