Intuition is a powerful thing, but if you don’t know how to tune into it, or you lose sight of it, it can be dangerous.
Sadly, when you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, they’ll do everything they can to disconnect you from your gut instincts. After all, how else are they going to continue to gaslight and manipulate you endlessly? Once you’re onto them, it’s game over — and they definitely don’t want that. Here’s how they try to shut down your intuition bit by bit. Don’t let them!
1. They rewrite your reality.
Narcissists often “adjust” facts or events in ways that suit their version of things, leaving you questioning your own memory. You might start wondering if you’re the one misremembering, and before long, you’re doubting every little thing you recall. This habit of rewriting moments can be disorienting, but it’s a way to keep you off-balance. The more you spot it, the more you can step back and rely on your own memory.
2. They make you feel overly sensitive.
Raise a concern, and they might respond by saying you’re “overreacting” or “too emotional.” Over time, this can make you hesitate to trust your own feelings, worried you’re just “too sensitive.” It’s like a subtle rewiring, and it leads you to suppress your natural reactions. Remember, feeling things deeply doesn’t make you overly sensitive; it makes you human. Don’t let someone redefine that for you.
3. They isolate you from supportive relationships.
Little by little, they may discourage connections with friends, family, or anyone who offers a healthy perspective. When they’ve chipped away at your social network, you’re left feeling alone and more dependent on them. This isolation makes you more likely to second-guess yourself, since you no longer have the reassurance from other people. Reaching out to those who know and support you can be a game-changer in reconnecting with your instincts.
4. They undermine your accomplishments and choices.
Criticisms, nitpicks, or dismissive comments about your achievements can make you feel like nothing you do is ever good enough. This can make you question your choices, and after a while, it can feel like you need their approval to know you’re on the right track. If you start seeing their devaluation for what it is—projection of their own insecurity—it’s easier to hold on to your self-worth.
5. They create a cycle of approval and rejection.
One minute, they’re showering you with praise; the next, they’re tearing you down. This rollercoaster keeps you craving those positive moments, making you doubt yourself when the approval isn’t there. It’s exhausting, and the inconsistency messes with your inner compass. Recognising this cycle helps you detach from their shifting approval and focus on your own judgments.
6. They gaslight your experiences and feelings.
Gaslighting—a favourite tool of narcissists—makes you question your own reality by denying events or minimising your feelings. When you’re told repeatedly that things “didn’t happen like that,” it’s only natural to start doubting your perspective. Spotting gaslighting for what it is can help you hold on to your sense of reality.
7. They overload you with confusing information.
Narcissists may drown you in contradictory or irrelevant details, making it hard to get to the truth. The constant confusion keeps you from connecting with your instincts, leaving you too caught up in sorting through their words to focus on what you feel. Recognising this strategy as a smokescreen lets you cut through the noise and focus on your own clarity.
8. They use blame to keep you off balance.
By shifting blame onto you, they create a constant undercurrent of guilt, keeping you from feeling centred or sure of yourself. You start believing you’re at fault, which disconnects you from your gut instincts. When you recognise blame-shifting as a tactic, it’s easier to see through it and stick with what you know to be true.
9. They make you dependent on their validation.
With time, you may find yourself relying on their validation to feel “right” about things. It’s like their approval becomes the measure of your worth or decisions. But once you recognise that this dependency is a manufactured need, you can begin to trust your own instincts again, without needing their nod of approval.
10. They sabotage your self-care habits.
If they downplay or disrupt things that keep you grounded—like rest, exercise, or hobbies—it chips away at your inner stability. This is a sneaky way of keeping you off-balance, leaving you drained and disconnected from yourself. Reclaiming these habits helps you feel more centred and confident in your own instincts.
11. They exploit your empathy.
By framing themselves as victims, they draw on your compassion, making you prioritise their needs above your own. This can make you feel guilty for thinking about yourself, pulling you further away from your instincts. Setting boundaries doesn’t mean you’re losing empathy; it means you’re keeping it balanced with your own well-being.
12. They deflect accountability.
Narcissists rarely take responsibility, often twisting things to make you feel like it’s all on you. This can lead to constant self-doubt, where you’re always questioning your role. Recognising deflection for what it is—avoidance—can help you stop internalising blame and trust your own view of events.
Reconnecting with your inner voice.
Spotting these patterns is the first step to reconnecting with your instincts. Trust grows with every small moment you take back for yourself. It’s a gradual process, but over time, you’ll feel more in tune with your inner voice, free from the noise of someone else’s manipulation.
