Being with a narcissist isn’t just a nightmare while it’s happening — the effects can stay with you long after it’s over.
While working with a therapist can help you process the trauma and baggage that often come along with a relationship with someone who gaslights, manipulates, and controls you, depending on how long you were together and how bad things got, you may never truly get over it. As a result, you end up carrying these things with you into future partnerships, and that’s a real shame.
1. You second-guess everything.
When you’ve been with someone who twisted reality to suit their needs, it’s hard to trust your own judgment. Narcissists are masters of making you feel like you’re the one who’s always wrong, even when you’re not. Afterward, you may find yourself overanalysing texts, conversations, and even your own feelings, wondering if you’re missing something. Learning to trust yourself again takes time, but it’s worth the effort.
2. You expect love to come with strings attached.
Narcissists don’t give without expecting something in return, so being with one can make you wary of generosity. You might catch yourself side-eyeing a thoughtful gesture, wondering, “What’s the catch?” It’s a tough habit to break, but love from healthy people doesn’t come with strings—it’s freely given, no agenda attached.
3. You associate romance with drama.
With a narcissist, everything is a big deal—whether it’s their latest “achievement” or a minor disagreement that spirals into World War III. This roller coaster of emotions can trick you into thinking drama equals passion. Spoiler alert: it doesn’t. Real love feels steady, not like you’re constantly trying to defuse a bomb.
4. Compliments feel suspicious.
Narcissists love to pile on the charm when it suits them, so compliments might feel more like manipulation than genuine admiration. After leaving that relationship, you might cringe when someone says something nice, assuming there’s an ulterior motive. But hey, not everyone is plotting world domination through flattery—sometimes a compliment is just a compliment.
5. You guard your heart too much.
Being with a narcissist often means exposing your vulnerabilities, only to have them used against you later. Naturally, this makes you hesitant to let your guard down with anyone new. While it’s smart to be cautious, locking your heart away completely can block you from the love you deserve. Vulnerability is scary, but it’s also the key to meaningful connection.
6. You think red flags are just “quirks.”
When you’ve dated a narcissist, you may have spent a lot of time justifying their behaviour. That tendency can carry over into future relationships, where you might ignore obvious warning signs because you’re used to making excuses. It’s important to remember: a red flag isn’t just a cute personality trait—it’s a clue to run.
7. You downplay your own needs.
Narcissists are experts at making you feel like your needs are unimportant compared to theirs. After the relationship, you might struggle to voice what you want or need, fearing you’ll be seen as selfish. But in healthy relationships, your needs matter just as much as your partner’s. Speak up—you’re allowed to take up space in the relationship.
8. You feel like love is a competition.
With a narcissist, everything is about one-upping each other—who’s more successful, who’s more attractive, who’s “winning.” Real love doesn’t work that way, but it can take time to unlearn the idea that relationships are a scoreboard. Healthy partners cheer each other on, not compete for the spotlight.
9. You expect to walk on eggshells.
Narcissists are unpredictable, and their moods can shift in a heartbeat. This can leave you feeling like you need to tiptoe around them to avoid triggering an outburst. Over time, this makes you overly cautious in future relationships, but love shouldn’t feel like a minefield. The right partner won’t make you feel like you’re constantly one wrong word away from disaster.
10. Apologies don’t feel genuine anymore.
When a narcissist apologises, it’s often just a way to smooth things over so they can go back to doing whatever they want. This can make you sceptical of apologies in general, even from people who truly mean it. Learning to differentiate between genuine remorse and hollow words is key to rebuilding trust in relationships.
11. You’re hyper-aware of selfish behaviour.
After being with someone who always put themselves first, you might become overly sensitive to any hint of selfishness. While it’s good to be aware of unhealthy patterns, not every little self-focused moment means someone is a narcissist. Give people room to be human without assuming the worst.
12. Boundaries feel impossible.
Narcissists love to bulldoze boundaries, so setting them can feel unfamiliar or even uncomfortable after the relationship ends. But boundaries are essential for healthy love—they protect your emotional well-being and set the tone for mutual respect. Practice setting small ones first and work your way up. You’ll be surprised how empowering it can feel.
13. You crave validation but don’t trust it.
Narcissists thrive on keeping you off balance—one moment they’re showering you with praise, and the next they’re tearing you down. This roller coaster leaves you craving approval but doubting its sincerity when it comes. Building self-validation and surrounding yourself with supportive people can help break this cycle.
14. You assume love always hurts.
Being with a narcissist often involves a lot of emotional pain, and it’s easy to start believing that’s just what love is. But real love doesn’t leave you feeling drained, anxious, or unworthy. It uplifts, supports, and strengthens you. Shifting your mindset takes time, but it’s possible to believe in healthy love again.
15. You’re afraid to hope for better.
After dealing with the emotional whiplash of a narcissistic relationship, you might lower your expectations for love altogether. But here’s the thing: better is out there. Hope isn’t foolish—it’s the first step toward finding the kind of love that nourishes your soul instead of depleting it.
16. You forget how lovable you are.
Narcissists are experts at making you question your worth, but the truth is, you were always enough. Their inability to see your value says more about them than it ever did about you. Moving forward means reminding yourself of just how worthy of love you truly are—and finding someone who sees it, too.
