From a young age, boys are often told, directly or indirectly, that being openly emotional makes them weak.
Whether it’s being told to “man up” or “stop crying like a baby,” these messages shape how they see themselves and how they handle feelings as they grow up. The problem is that compartmentalising emotions doesn’t make them disappear—it just pushes them deeper, leading to struggles with mental health, relationships, and self-worth. Unfortunately, boys are taught to bottle things up, and it can leave a lasting negative impact.
1. They’re told that crying is a sign of weakness.
Boys often grow up hearing that tears are a sign of weakness. Whether it’s from parents, teachers, or peers, the message is clear—real men don’t cry. Of course, the reality is that crying is a natural and healthy way to process emotions. When boys learn to hold back tears, they also learn to shut down their feelings, making it harder to express pain, sadness, or even joy as they get older.
2. They’re expected to “man up” instead of talking about problems.
When boys express hurt, frustration, or anxiety, they’re often met with phrases like “shake it off” or “toughen up.” The idea that emotional strength means ignoring feelings forces them to internalise struggles rather than talk about them. That makes it hard for them to ask for help or seek support later in life. Instead, they might feel like they have to deal with everything alone, leading to stress, isolation, and unhealthy coping mechanisms.
3. They see emotions as something to hide.
From an early age, many boys are taught to put on a strong front, even when they’re struggling inside. They might feel pressure to always seem confident, unaffected, or in control, no matter what’s going on. In the long run, this can make it harder to connect with other people in a real way. If they’ve been taught to hide their feelings for so long, they may struggle to even recognise what they’re feeling.
4. They’re praised for being tough, but not for being vulnerable.
Society often rewards boys for being strong, competitive, and fearless, but rarely for being open, sensitive, or emotionally aware. The things they’re encouraged to value shape how they see themselves. If they’re only praised for being “tough,” they might start to believe that anything outside of that, like expressing fear or uncertainty, is wrong. This can make emotional honesty feel like failure rather than strength.
5. They fear being judged for expressing emotions.
Boys who show emotion are often teased, whether it’s by other kids on the playground or even adults in their lives. Words like “soft,” “dramatic,” or worse reinforce the idea that emotions aren’t for men. As they grow up, that fear of judgement can prevent them from opening up, even to the people closest to them. Instead of talking about struggles, they may bury them under humour, silence, or even anger.
6. They’re given fewer emotional outlets.
Girls are often encouraged to talk about their feelings, journal, or get comfort from friends, while boys are given fewer spaces to process emotions in a healthy way. If they’re not taught how to express emotions constructively, they might resort to suppressing them or channelling them into things like aggression, reckless behaviour, or avoidance. There’s zero reason we should be nurturing emotional health differently in girls and boys, but it definitely happens.
7. They mistake anger for strength.
When boys are discouraged from showing sadness, fear, or vulnerability, they often turn to the one emotion that is socially acceptable: anger. Frustration and aggression are seen as more “masculine” than crying or expressing fear. As a result, some boys grow up struggling to differentiate between healthy assertiveness and destructive anger, which can affect relationships, work, and overall well-being.
8. They’re not taught emotional language.
Many boys grow up without the vocabulary to describe how they’re feeling. While girls are encouraged to name emotions and talk about them, boys often aren’t given the same tools. Without the words to express their emotions, they might struggle to understand their own feelings or communicate them effectively, leading to frustration and confusion.
9. They associate emotions with being feminine.
From childhood, boys are often taught that things like crying, talking about feelings, or showing care are “girly.” This belief makes them resist emotional expression out of fear of seeming weak. It hurts their ability to process emotions and limits how they interact with other people. Being caring, open, and emotionally intelligent isn’t feminine; it’s human.
10. They struggle to ask for help.
Boys who grow up suppressing emotions often feel like asking for help is a sign of failure. Whether it’s mental health struggles, relationship issues, or personal challenges, they might bottle things up instead of seeking support. Over the years, this can lead to serious consequences, including increased stress, anxiety, and even depression. Asking for help should be seen as strength, not weakness.
11. They’re more likely to cope in unhealthy ways.
Without healthy outlets for emotions, some boys turn to things like drinking, risky behaviour, or emotional withdrawal as a way to cope. When they’re taught to suppress emotions, they may not learn how to deal with stress in a productive way. Unlearning these habits takes time, but developing emotional awareness can make a huge difference in how they handle life’s challenges.
12. It impacts their relationships.
Men who struggle to express emotions often find it difficult to form deep, meaningful relationships. Whether it’s friendships, romantic relationships, or even parenthood, emotional walls can create distance. Learning to communicate openly, be vulnerable, and connect on a deeper level is essential for building strong, lasting relationships, but it’s hard if they were never taught how.
13. It takes work to unlearn, but it’s possible.
The good news is that emotional suppression isn’t permanent. It’s something that can be unlearned. More men are realising the importance of emotional intelligence and taking steps to reconnect with their feelings. Breaking these patterns isn’t easy, but it starts with awareness. Encouraging boys to embrace emotions, express themselves freely, and seek support when needed can lead to healthier, happier lives for future generations.
