Anyone who’s dealt with a true narcissist knows that the second you start questioning them, things get messy. They’ve spent so much time building this image of perfection, and they truly hate when anyone challenges it. It throws their whole world off balance. It’s less about you personally, and more about the threat you pose to their control. Here are some seriously manipulative tactics designed to knock you back down and maintain their power.
1. They deny absolutely everything.
Don’t expect a narcissist to take responsibility for anything. Even if you have clear proof they did something wrong, they’ll twist reality to make themselves the victim. They might call you crazy, overly sensitive, or say you’re misremembering things completely, Psych Central warns. The goal is to gaslight you so that you doubt your own sanity and back off from questioning them.
2. Watch out for the rage attacks.
When a narcissist feels their control slipping away, they often lash out. This can be subtle, like passive-aggressive comments or the silent treatment, or it can be full-blown yelling, name-calling, and attempts to intimidate you. They want to scare you into submission, to make you regret ever challenging them in the first place. Things could get very ugly very quickly.
3. They turn the charm up a few notches.
If rage doesn’t work, a narcissist might suddenly switch gears and become excessively nice. They’ll shower you with compliments, gifts, or promises. They might even (gasp!) apologize and make promises to change. It’s all a ploy. Don’t get fooled into thinking they’re any different than they’ve ever been. This is just another manipulation tactic to win you back over so they can reassert control later.
4. Expect the guilt trip special.
Source: Unsplash Narcissists are experts at making themselves the martyr in every situation. They’ll make you feel like the bad guy for daring to question them. Suddenly, you’re the selfish, ungrateful one who’s hurting them deeply. They’ll bring up past sacrifices, exaggerate how you’re “breaking their heart,” and more. It’s all designed to make you back down and apologize for something you didn’t even do wrong.
5. They’ll try to isolate you from others.
Source: Unsplash If a narcissist senses you’re starting to see the real them, they’ll work hard to discredit you to your friends and family, per Choosing Therapy. They want to paint you as the unstable one, the troublemaker. That way, if you try to expose the narcissist’s behaviour, no one will believe you. It’s a truly evil tactic. The worst part is that it actually works on the more naive people you know.
6. They’ll spread rumours and lies.
Source: Unsplash To further damage your reputation, a narcissist won’t hesitate to make up things about you or twist your words. They’ll gossip about you to coworkers, mutual friends, even your own family members. The goal is to destroy your credibility and make you feel powerless to defend yourself. Some of the stuff they make up is truly twisted!
7. They might give you the silent treatment.
Source: Unsplash This immature tactic is another form of control. They’re essentially saying, “You’re not worthy of my attention until you learn your lesson.” It’s painful, and it’s designed to make you desperate for their approval. Don’t give in! Use this time to distance yourself and focus on your own well-being.
8. They rewrite history to make themselves look good.
Source: Unsplash Don’t be surprised when a narcissist completely rewrites the past to fit their narrative. They’ll downplay all the bad stuff they did, or claim they never said/did those things in the first place. They might even put the blame back on you, making it seem like you’re the one with the bad memory or messed-up perspective.
9. They find a new target to boost their ego.
Source: Unsplash If you’re no longer providing the constant praise and attention they crave, a narcissist will look for someone else to fill that void. They might suddenly start spending more time with a coworker, a new friend, or even turn their focus towards a child. This is about making you jealous, and regaining the control they’ve lost.
10. They’ll project their flaws onto you.
Source: Unsplash Narcissists can’t handle the idea that they’re anything but perfect. So, if you point out their negative qualities, expect them to accuse you of those very things. If you call them selfish, they’ll claim YOU’RE the selfish one. Called them a liar? Get ready to be painted as untrustworthy. It’s a way to avoid taking any responsibility.
11. They play the comparison game.
Source: Unsplash To make you feel insecure, a narcissist might compare you unfavourably to someone (or everyone!) else. They’ll mention how your ex was funnier, or how their coworker is better at a certain task. The point is to make you question yourself and feel like you’ll never measure up. Don’t buy into their toxic game.
12. They make promises they won’t keep.
Source: Unsplash When a narcissist feels cornered, they might offer empty promises to placate you. They’ll promise to change, to go to therapy, to be a better partner/friend/parent. But unless they’re truly committed to deep self-work (which is rare), those promises are meaningless. Don’t be swayed by superficial gestures.
13. They might try to hoover you back in.
Source: Unsplash “Hoovering” is when a narcissist reaches back out after you’ve distanced yourself, the Cleveland Clinic explains. They might suddenly act nice again, apologize, or even confess they need your help. Don’t fall for it! This is usually a ploy to lure you back in, only to resume the same manipulative behaviours once they feel they have you hooked.
14. They sabotage your successes.
Source: Unsplash A narcissist can’t stand to see you shine, especially if you’re starting to pull away from them. They might belittle your accomplishments, spread rumours about your failures, or even deliberately try to undermine your work or relationships. It’s all about making you feel small and dependent on them.
15. The smear campaign intensifies.
Source: Unsplash If you openly challenge a narcissist or try to expose their true nature, they can get vicious. Expect the gossip and lies about you to ramp up. They may go as far as contacting your boss, friends, or family members in an attempt to destroy your reputation completely. It’s essential to prepare yourself for this possibility and gather support from people you trust.
16. Their discard might be brutal.
Source: Unsplash Ultimately, if a narcissist can’t control you any more, they may cut you off entirely. This can be them ghosting you, or openly ending the relationship in a cruel way. They want to hurt you the way you “hurt” them by questioning their superiority. This is where it’s crucial to focus on healing and remember: their discard is about THEM, not your worth.
