You need more than luck, good timing, or an amazing dating app profile to find good, healthy love.
While those things can help, it’s really more about showing up as your real self, setting the right standards, and creating space in your life for the kind of connection that lasts. Doing so is easier said than done, of course. You might think you’re in a good place to welcome love into your life, but you’ll need to make sure you’re doing these things before that’s actually true.
1. Stop chasing people who make you guess where you stand.
When someone keeps you guessing, it creates anxiety, not connection. Mixed signals might seem exciting at first, but over time, they mess with your self-worth. You deserve clarity, not confusion. If someone is genuinely into you, you won’t have to decode every message or replay conversations trying to figure out what they meant.
Healthy love feels steady, not like a puzzle. Once you stop giving energy to people who keep things vague, you naturally make room for someone who wants the same things you do, and actually shows it.
2. Know what your dealbreakers actually are.
It’s easy to overlook red flags when you’re caught up in feelings. However, knowing what you absolutely won’t tolerate helps you stay grounded. Whether it’s dishonesty, disrespect, or emotional unavailability, your dealbreakers matter. They’re not about being picky; they’re about protecting your peace.
When you’re clear on what’s non-negotiable, it becomes way easier to walk away from something that isn’t right. And that confidence? It’s magnetic. People sense when you’re not willing to settle, and the right ones will respect it.
3. Get comfortable with your own company.
Being okay on your own changes everything. It takes the pressure off dating and shifts your energy from “I need someone” to “I’d love to share my life with someone.” That energy is so much more attractive, and way more grounded.
When you’re genuinely content in your own space, you stop entertaining connections that only half-fulfil you. You start noticing whether someone adds to your life rather than filling a gap. And that’s the sweet spot where real, healthy love begins.
4. Don’t fake chill your way through things that bother you.
Shrinking yourself to seem “easygoing” doesn’t help anyone. If something bothers you, it’s okay to speak up. The right person won’t be scared off by your needs; they’ll appreciate your honesty. Pretending things don’t matter when they do just leads to resentment later.
Healthy relationships are built on real communication, not silent suffering. Being honest (without being harsh) sets the tone for respect and understanding. It also shows that you trust the connection enough to be real in it.
5. Heal the parts of you that think love has to hurt.
If you grew up around drama or emotionally unavailable people, chaos might feel familiar. However, healthy love isn’t supposed to be confusing or painful. If you find yourself drawn to intensity over consistency, it might be time to look at what love has meant to you in the past.
Working through that stuff—through therapy, reflection, or just honest conversations with yourself—helps you reset your idea of what love should look like. Once you do, you’ll stop mistaking butterflies for red flags and start choosing peace over patterns.
6. Don’t make excuses for someone’s bad behaviour.
It’s easy to justify things when you really like someone. “They’re just busy.” “They didn’t mean it like that.” The problem is, if you’re always rationalising their behaviour, that’s a red flag in itself. You shouldn’t have to work that hard to feel secure.
Healthy love comes from someone who shows up, takes accountability, and makes you feel respected. If someone’s constantly making you question your worth, it’s not a connection; it’s a lesson. And sometimes the healthiest move is walking away.
7. Let people earn your trust instead of handing it over right away.
Trust is important, but it doesn’t need to be automatic. You don’t have to open every door immediately just to seem open-minded or easygoing. Healthy love is about mutual effort and consistency, not instant access. Let people show you who they are through their actions, not just their words. That slow build creates real security, and it saves you from getting attached to someone’s potential instead of their reality.
8. Pay attention to how someone makes you feel, not just how much you like them.
You might be super into someone, but how do you actually feel when you’re with them? Do you feel safe, heard, calm—or constantly on edge, second-guessing everything? Sometimes we get so caught up in our attraction that we ignore the way someone affects our emotional state.
At the end of the day, how you feel matters more than how exciting someone seems on paper. If the connection leaves you anxious more than it leaves you peaceful, it’s worth checking in with yourself about what you’re really looking for.
9. Be honest about what you want from the start.
Trying to play it cool or act like you don’t care when you actually do? That’s a fast track to confusion. You’re allowed to want love, commitment, depth—whatever it is you’re looking for. Saying it out loud won’t scare off the right person.
The sooner you’re honest about what you want, the sooner you’ll know if someone’s on the same page. That honesty saves you from wasting time in situations that don’t go anywhere—and it shows confidence, which is always attractive.
10. Make sure your self-worth doesn’t hinge on whether someone likes you.
It’s easy to fall into the trap of trying to be chosen. The thing is, love isn’t about convincing someone you’re good enough. When your worth is wrapped up in their opinion, every message or lack of reply starts to feel like a test.
Healthy love starts with knowing you’re enough, whether someone sees it or not. When you believe that deep down, you stop settling for half-hearted effort—and you naturally attract people who show up fully because they see the value you already know you have.
11. Look at how someone treats other people, not just how they treat you.
Someone might be sweet to you at first, but if they’re rude to waiters, cruel to their ex, or gossipy behind everyone’s back, it’s worth paying attention. Eventually, that same energy could be directed your way.
Healthy love doesn’t just mean being kind to your partner; it’s about being a decent human overall. Watching how someone handles stress, boundaries, and basic respect gives you a clearer picture of what a relationship with them would really feel like long term.
12. Stop trying to “win over” emotionally unavailable people.
Source: Unsplash Chasing someone who can’t show up emotionally might feel like a challenge, but it rarely ends well. You’re not supposed to fix, rescue, or convince anyone to care. That’s not love; it’s emotional gymnastics. Real love is mutual. It’s not about proving you’re worthy of someone’s attention. When someone’s truly ready, they won’t make you feel like you’re constantly earning your place in their life. They’ll just show up, no games required.
13. Give your energy to people who make it easy to be yourself.
Being with someone who makes you feel like you have to perform or constantly be “on” is exhausting. Love isn’t supposed to feel like an audition. The right person won’t need you to shrink or shape-shift just to keep them around. The more you show up as your full self, the more you’ll attract someone who actually loves that version of you. That’s where real comfort, connection, and joy live—in the spaces where you don’t have to hide.
14. Know that healthy love doesn’t feel dramatic or chaotic.
If you’re used to love being full of highs and lows, peace can feel boring at first. But healthy love is calm. It’s consistent. It doesn’t leave you guessing. That’s not a lack of chemistry; it’s what safety feels like. After a while, you’ll realise that being able to relax in a relationship is way better than butterflies that come from anxiety. Healthy love grows best when things feel steady, not when you’re constantly bracing for the next wave.
