Marriage isn’t always a bed of roses, but you probably knew that by now.
While you love your spouse and can’t imagine not being with them, that doesn’t mean there aren’t tough times and that everything is perfect. For instance, maybe you’ve been feeling neglected by your husband lately, and you wonder if he even loves you anymore, even though you know (or at least think) deep down he does. What are you supposed to do about it? Here are a few options.
1. Take a step back and look at the big picture.
Before you go off the deep end, take a breather. Is this a new thing, or has it been brewing for a while? Sometimes we get so caught up in our feelings, we miss what’s really going on. Maybe your husband is stressed about work or dealing with something you don’t know about. It doesn’t excuse the neglect, but it might explain it.
2. Have a proper heart-to-heart with your husband.
I know, I know, easier said than done. But bottling it up won’t help. Pick a time when you’re both calm and tell him how you feel. Don’t attack him — use “I” statements like “I feel lonely when we don’t spend time together”. Be honest about what you need. He’s not a mind reader, after all.
3. Suggest some quality time together.
Sometimes you’ve got to take the bull by the horns. Plan a date night, or even just a cuppa and a chat without the telly on. It doesn’t have to be fancy — it’s about reconnecting. Maybe suggest trying something new together, like a cooking class or a hike. Shared experiences can work wonders.
4. Don’t let yourself go just because you feel neglected.
It’s tempting to wallow when you’re feeling down, but try to resist. Keep up with your hobbies, see your mates, and do things that make you feel good. It’s not about impressing him — it’s about keeping your own spark alive. Plus, it might just remind him what a catch you are.
5. Look for small ways to connect throughout the day.
Big gestures are great, but little moments matter too. Send a funny text, give him a quick hug when he gets home, or leave a note in his lunch. These small touches can help bridge the gap and remind you both why you got together in the first place.
6. Consider if there’s something deeper going on.
Sometimes feeling neglected is a symptom of bigger issues. Are you both stressed? Working too much? Has there been a big life change recently? Understanding the root cause can help you tackle the problem together, rather than feeling like it’s ‘you vs him’.
7. Don’t compare your relationship to anyone else’s.
It’s dead easy to look at other couples and think they’ve got it all sorted. But remember, social media is everyone’s highlight reel. Every relationship has its ups and downs. Focus on what works for you two, not what looks good on Instagram.
8. Try to appreciate the good bits.
When you’re feeling neglected, it’s easy to focus on all the negatives. But try to notice the good stuff too, even if it’s small. Does he make you a brew in the morning? Take the bins out without being asked? Recognising these things can help balance out the not-so-great feelings.
9. Set some boundaries for yourself.
It’s important to have your own life, even in a marriage. Make sure you’re not always available at the drop of a hat. Having your own interests and time apart can actually bring you closer together. Plus, it gives you both something to chat about when you do spend time together.
10. Consider shaking things up in the bedroom.
Physical intimacy isn’t everything, but it is important. If things have gone a bit stale, maybe it’s time to spice things up. Talk about what you both want, and try something new. It might feel a bit awkward at first, but it can really help you feel more connected.
11. Don’t let resentment build up.
Feeling neglected can lead to a lot of pent-up anger. Try not to let it fester. If something’s bothering you, bring it up sooner rather than later. It’s easier to deal with small issues than to try to untangle years of built-up resentment.
12. Take care of yourself emotionally.
Your happiness shouldn’t depend entirely on your husband. Make sure you’re doing things that fulfil you emotionally. Whether it’s catching up with mates, writing in a journal, or seeing a therapist, taking care of your emotional health is crucial.
13. Don’t be afraid to ask for what you need.
Sometimes we expect our partners to just know what we want, but most men aren’t mind readers. Be clear about what you need, whether it’s more date nights, help around the house, or just a good cuddle now and then. You might be surprised at how willing he is to step up once he knows what you want.
14. Remember that it’s okay to have ups and downs.
Every marriage has its rough patches. Feeling neglected doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed. It’s normal to go through phases where you feel more or less connected. The important thing is how you deal with it and work together to get back on track.
15. Consider couples counselling if things don’t improve.
If you’ve tried talking it out and things aren’t getting better, it might be time to bring in a professional. A good counsellor can help you both communicate better and work through your issues. It’s not admitting defeat — it’s investing in your relationship.
16. Don’t forget your own worth.
Remember, your value doesn’t depend on how much attention your husband gives you. You’re a top-notch person in your own right. Don’t let feeling neglected make you doubt yourself. You deserve love and respect, full stop.
17. Give it time, but know when enough is enough.
Changes don’t happen overnight. If you’re both working on things, give it some time. But also know that you can’t force someone to change if they don’t want to. If you’ve tried everything and still feel constantly neglected and unloved, it might be time to think about what you want for your future. You deserve to be happy, after all.
