Everyone needs someone to lean on during tough times, but it’s also important to aim for some level of self-sufficiency.
There will be times in life when you’ve only got yourself to rely on, and learning how to handle your own problems and take charge of your life is a vital skill worth mastering as soon as possible. Here’s how to go about lessening your reliance on one specific person in your life and starting to handle things solo more often.
1. Let yourself feel your feelings.
It’s normal to feel a mix of emotions when you’re no longer able to lean on someone. You might experience sadness, anxiety, or even anger. Don’t try to push these feelings away. Instead, take some time to sit with them and understand what you’re going through. Journaling can be a helpful way to process these emotions and gain clarity about your situation.
2. Start building a wider support network.
Just because you can’t lean on one specific person doesn’t mean you have to go it alone entirely. Reach out to friends, family members, or colleagues. You might be surprised by the support you receive when you open up about your situation. Consider joining clubs or groups related to your interests — it’s a great way to meet new people and expand your social circle.
3. Try to develop some new, healthier coping mechanisms.
When you’re used to turning to someone else for support, you might not have developed your own coping strategies. Now’s the time to explore what works for you. This could be anything from practising mindfulness or meditation, to taking up a new hobby, or even something as simple as going for a walk when you’re feeling stressed. The key is to find healthy ways to manage your emotions and challenges.
4. Focus on looking after yourself.
Taking care of yourself is crucial when you’re adjusting to being more independent. Make sure you’re eating well, getting enough sleep, and exercising regularly. These basics can have a huge impact on your mental and emotional wellbeing. Don’t forget to treat yourself occasionally too — whether it’s a relaxing bath, a favourite meal, or a day out doing something you enjoy.
5. Set small, achievable goals.
Setting and achieving goals can boost your confidence and give you a sense of progress. Start small — maybe it’s cooking a new recipe, organising a cluttered space, or learning a new skill. As you accomplish these tasks, you’ll start to feel more capable and self-reliant. Gradually, you can work up to bigger goals and challenges.
6. Start practising positive self-talk.
The way we talk to ourselves can have a big impact on how we feel and cope with challenges. Try to be kind and encouraging to yourself, especially when things get tough. Instead of thinking “I can’t handle this on my own”, try “This is hard, but I’m learning and growing”. It might feel awkward at first, but positive self-talk can become a powerful tool for building resilience.
7. Establish some new routines.
When you’re used to leaning on someone else, you might feel a bit lost without their presence in your daily life. Creating a routine can provide structure and stability. It doesn’t have to be rigid — even small habits like a morning walk or an evening reading session can help you feel more grounded and in control of your day.
8. Try to embrace your independence.
While it can be scary at first, being on your own also offers opportunities for growth and self-discovery. Use this time to explore your interests, make decisions based on your own preferences, and learn more about yourself. You might discover strengths and abilities you didn’t know you had when you were relying on someone else.
9. Learn to be comfortable with discomfort.
Feeling uncomfortable or uncertain is a natural part of becoming more independent. Instead of trying to avoid these feelings, try to accept them as part of the process. Remember, it’s okay to feel awkward or unsure — these are signs that you’re growing and trying new things. Over time, what once felt uncomfortable will start to feel more natural.
10. Pursue some new learning opportunities.
If there are specific areas where you relied heavily on someone else, now’s the time to learn those skills for yourself. Whether it’s managing finances, cooking, or home maintenance, there are plenty of resources available to help you learn. Online tutorials, books, or even local classes can be great ways to build your knowledge and confidence.
11. Practise self-compassion.
Remember to be patient and kind to yourself as you navigate this transition. It’s okay to make mistakes or have days when you struggle. Treat yourself with the same compassion you’d offer a friend going through a similar situation. Recognise that adjusting takes time, and every small step forward is progress.
12. Reframe your situation as an opportunity.
While it might not feel like it at first, this period of adjustment can be a valuable opportunity for personal growth. Try to see it as a chance to become more self-reliant, to discover new aspects of yourself, and to build resilience. By reframing your situation in a more positive light, you can approach your challenges with a more optimistic and empowered mindset.
