Just because someone has social anxiety doesn’t mean they don’t want to (or shouldn’t be able to) find love.
Of course, dating someone with this condition can be a bit more complex — they’ll likely approach relationships in a different way to those who are more confident and extroverted — but don’t let that put you off. Here’s how to get to know the amazing people they are despite their struggles with social anxiety.
1. Understand what social anxiety really means.
Social anxiety isn’t just shyness or awkwardness. It’s a proper mental health condition that can make everyday social situations incredibly difficult. Your partner isn’t choosing to be anxious; their brain’s wired differently. Understanding this can help you be more patient and empathetic when they’re struggling.
2. Don’t try to ‘fix’ them.
It’s natural to want to help, but don’t think you’re going to ‘cure’ their anxiety. You’re their partner, not their therapist. Trying to fix them can make them feel like there’s something wrong with them. Instead, focus on supporting them and being there when they need you. It’s about loving them as they are.
3. Be patient with their comfort zones.
Dating someone with social anxiety might mean taking things slower. They might prefer quiet nights in over big parties. Don’t push them to do things they’re not ready for. Take it at their pace, and celebrate the small victories when they do step out of their comfort zone.
4. Communicate openly about their triggers.
Everyone’s anxiety is different, so have a proper chat about what sets theirs off. Maybe it’s crowded places, talking on the phone, or eating in public. The more you know, the better you can plan activities that won’t trigger their anxiety.
5. Plan dates with their comfort in mind.
When planning dates, think about what’ll make them feel at ease. Maybe a quiet café instead of a bustling restaurant, or a walk in the park rather than a packed cinema. Get creative! A cosy picnic, a DIY cooking night, or stargazing can all be romantic without being overwhelming.
6. Learn to read their non-verbal cues.
People with social anxiety might struggle to express when they’re feeling overwhelmed. Get good at reading their body language. Are they fidgeting more than usual? Looking around nervously? These might be signs they’re feeling anxious. The better you get at this, the more you can help without them having to spell it out.
7. Don’t take it personally if they need space.
There might be times when your partner needs to bail on plans or take some time alone. Try not to take it personally. It’s not about you; it’s about their anxiety. They’re not rejecting you; they’re just recharging their batteries.
8. Encourage them, but don’t push.
Source: Unsplash It’s great to encourage your partner to face their fears, but there’s a fine line between encouragement and pressure. Celebrate their wins, no matter how small they might seem. Did they make a phone call they were dreading? That’s awesome! But if they’re not ready for something, don’t push it.
9. Be their safe person in social situations.
Source: Unsplash When you do go to social events together, be their rock. Maybe agree on a signal for when they need a breather, or make sure to check in with them regularly. Having you there as their ‘safe person’ can make a world of difference.
10. Don’t downplay their feelings.
Source: Unsplash Avoid saying things like “Just relax” or “You’re overreacting”. To them, their anxiety is very real and overwhelming. Instead, validate their feelings. Let them know it’s okay to feel anxious and that you’re there for them. It’s about showing them you’re on their team, not dismissing their experience.
11. Learn about anxiety together.
Source: Unsplash Make understanding anxiety a team effort. Read books, watch videos, or even attend workshops together. The more you both understand about social anxiety, the better equipped you’ll be to handle it. Plus, it shows your partner that you’re in this together, which can be incredibly reassuring for them.
12. Don’t make their anxiety the focus of your relationship.
Source: Unsplash While it’s important to be understanding of their anxiety, don’t let it become the main focus of your relationship. They’re a whole person with interests, dreams, and quirks that have nothing to do with their anxiety. Make sure you’re connecting on other levels too. Talk about your shared interests, joke around, plan for the future.
13. Be prepared for good days and bad days.
Source: Unsplash Social anxiety can fluctuate. Some days, your partner might feel on top of the world. Other days, even leaving the house might feel impossible. Be prepared for this and try to roll with it. On good days, enjoy it to the fullest. On bad days, be there with understanding and support.
14. Take care of your own mental health too.
Source: Unsplash Supporting someone with anxiety can be draining at times. Make sure you’re looking after your own mental hhealth,too. Keep up with your own hobbies, spend time with friends, and don’t be afraid to ask for support if you need it.
15. Celebrate their progress, no matter how small.
Source: Unsplash Make a big deal out of their progress. Did they speak up in a group setting? Awesome! Did they order their own coffee without panicking? Brilliant! These might seem like small things to you, but for someone with social anxiety, they can be huge victories. Celebrating these moments shows that you see their efforts, and you’re proud of them.
