Not everyone has a strong sense of empathy, and that can be tough to deal with, especially if you’re someone who naturally cares deeply about other people.
Whether it’s a friend, family member, or even a partner, being around someone who doesn’t seem to understand or care about your feelings can feel frustrating and exhausting. However, instead of expecting them to change overnight, learning how to deal with the situation can make a big difference to your own mental health. Whether in your relationships or just your everyday life, here’s how to deal with who can’t or simply won’t put themselves in anyone else’s shoes.
1. Accept that some people just don’t think the same way you do.
It’s easy to assume that everyone should automatically see things your way, but humans are wired in all sorts of ways. Some people have trouble relating on an emotional level due to their upbringing, life experiences, or just plain personality. As annoying as that might be, accepting this difference can free you from thinking they’re acting like this on purpose or that they’re determined to hurt you. It’s more about how they process emotions than it is about you, and realising this can lower your annoyance because you’re no longer expecting them to behave in a way they’re not equipped to.
2. Stop expecting emotional validation from them.
If someone doesn’t show much compassion, turning to them for comfort or reassurance is likely to leave you feeling worse. You might spill your heart out, only to receive a response that feels cold or dismissive. Instead, look for that emotional support from the people who actually give it to you. This could be good friends, close family members, or even a professional counsellor. This way, you won’t be stuck hoping for a reaction that may never come. Focus on those who genuinely meet your emotional needs.
3. Set clear boundaries to protect your emotions.
When someone consistently brushes off your feelings, interrupts you, or makes you feel invisible, it might be time to draw a line. That could mean limiting deep heart-to-hearts or letting them know (calmly but firmly) when their words or actions are too much. Boundaries aren’t punishments; they exist to protect you from repeated emotional harm. By being clear about what’s okay and what isn’t, you’re looking out for your own mental and emotional health. It keeps you from experiencing the same hurt over and over again.
4. Remember that it’s not usually personal.
Sometimes, a person’s lack of emotional insight has nothing to do with dislike or disrespect. They might care about you, but simply struggle with emotional cues. If their response (or total lack of response) seems heartless, remind yourself it’s more about their limited emotional toolkit than it is about your worth. Realising it’s not a dig at you can help soften the sting of their reaction—or non-reaction.
5. Spell out exactly what you need.
Subtle hints usually go unnoticed by people who aren’t in tune with feelings. If you’ve been dropping clues and coming away disappointed, it may be time to speak up more directly. For instance, you could say something like, “It would help me if you listened without judging,” or “I really need you to just hear me out.” Laying it out step by step might feel awkward at first, but clear requests often get better results than vague pleas. Giving someone a roadmap of what you want can sometimes get a better response than hoping they’ll just “pick up on it.”
6. Don’t try to “fix” them.
If you’re emotionally sensitive, you might be tempted to get them to care more by explaining things just right or showering them with kindness in hopes it’ll rub off. But changing someone’s emotional nature is out of your hands. Rather than wearing yourself out trying to make them different, use that energy to look after your own emotional balance. You can’t force empathy, so it’s more productive to focus on what you can control—your own feelings and reactions.
7. Use reason if emotions don’t land.
Some people who aren’t good with empathy might respond better if you explain things in a rational way. For example, rather than saying, “You really hurt me when you did that,” you might try, “When that happens, it makes me feel like I can’t trust you, and that affects how we get along.” Logical explanations sometimes click where emotional language doesn’t. Framing problems in a straightforward, cause-and-effect way can lead to fewer eye rolls and more understanding.
8. Know the difference between detached and toxic.
There’s a big gap between someone who’s just a bit clueless about emotions and someone who’s outright uncaring, manipulative, or mean. If you constantly feel unimportant around this person—like they’re playing games with your head or deliberately making you feel small—then it’s a bigger problem than simply “lack of empathy.” Trust your instincts. If your gut says the situation has become harmful, it might be time to protect yourself by limiting contact or walking away. Understanding when someone’s behaviour has crossed a line is key for your emotional safety.
9. Spend more time with people who “get” you.
It’s natural to get hung up on the one person who doesn’t offer the emotional warmth you crave. But if you really look around, you’ll likely find there are people in your life who do. Instead of pouring all your time and energy into the person who leaves you feeling empty, focus on those who do meet you on a deeper level. Sharing your feelings with them can balance out the void. Surrounding yourself with supportive people gives you the emotional nourishment that one non-empathetic person can’t provide.
10. Don’t let their indifference make you doubt your emotions.
When someone brushes off your feelings or acts like you’re overreacting, it’s easy to start questioning yourself. But just because they don’t acknowledge your emotions doesn’t make them any less real. Remind yourself that you know what you feel, and it’s valid. Their lack of agreement doesn’t change that reality. It helps because you keep your sense of self intact, instead of relying on their reaction to validate what you know is true for you.
11. Lead by example.
You can’t force empathy on anyone, but you can show it. Showing compassion in the way you talk and listen might plant a seed. If they see genuine care in action—whether it’s how you talk to them or how you respond to people around you—it might make them curious or more attentive. No promises, of course, but modelling empathetic behaviour can sometimes open a door. Even if they don’t change, you’ll feel better knowing you’re acting in line with your own values.
12. Lower your expectations to reduce disappointment.
If you keep hoping the non-empathetic person will one day shower you with understanding, you’re probably going to be let down again and again. Tempering your expectations doesn’t mean letting them walk all over you. It just means accepting that they might never be the “in-touch” person you want them to be. That way, you’re not setting yourself up for endless disappointment. You save yourself a lot of grief by hoping for what’s realistic, rather than pinning your happiness on a drastic change that may never happen.
13. Know when to walk away.
If someone’s repeated indifference leaves you feeling chronically drained, anxious, or miserable, you’re within your rights to pull back. Sometimes, no matter how much history you have with a person, the relationship might be taking more from you than it gives. When that’s the case, stepping away can be the healthiest move you’ll ever make. Putting your peace of mind first is never selfish—it’s necessary. You have every right to safeguard your emotional health.
