We’ve all met someone whose behaviour was so unpredictable, we never knew where we stood with them from one day to the next.
One day everything was great, the next they acted like you were their mortal enemy, and there was never any explanation for the switch. While hopefully you don’t put up with this kind of immaturity (and instability) these days, if you do come up against hot and cold behaviour again, here’s what to do about it.
1. Don’t jump to conclusions about their behaviour.
It’s easy to assume that their sudden coldness means something’s wrong, but jumping to conclusions can lead to misunderstandings. Give it some time before deciding what their actions mean. Sometimes, people just need space without there being a deeper issue at play.
2. Focus on maintaining your own emotional balance.
When someone is inconsistent, it’s important to keep yourself grounded. Don’t let their behaviour throw you off balance. Focus on staying calm and centred, so you’re not as affected by their shifts. This will help you react in a more measured way instead of being pulled into their ups and downs.
3. Communicate openly and honestly when it feels right.
If their behaviour is starting to bother you, it might be time to have a calm and honest conversation about it. Don’t accuse or blame—just share how their actions are making you feel. Honest communication can help clear the air and give you both a chance to understand each other better.
4. Set boundaries to protect your emotional wellbeing.
Hot and cold behaviour can leave you feeling emotionally drained, so it’s crucial to set boundaries. Decide what you’re comfortable with and be clear about what you won’t tolerate. Boundaries aren’t about controlling the other person; they’re about protecting your peace of mind.
5. Don’t let their actions define your self-worth.
It’s easy to take hot and cold behaviour personally, but try not to let it affect how you see yourself. Their inconsistency is more about them than it is about you. Remind yourself of your own value, regardless of how someone else is acting.
6. Give them space if they need it.
Source: Unsplash Sometimes, people pull back because they need space to think or deal with their own emotions. If that’s the case, don’t chase after them or try to fix things right away. Giving them the room they need might help them come back around when they’re ready.
7. Don’t feel responsible for fixing their mood.
Source: Unsplash It’s not your job to constantly adjust to someone’s changing behaviour or to try to make them feel better. You can be supportive, but ultimately, they need to manage their own emotions. Taking on that responsibility will only leave you feeling frustrated and exhausted.
8. Stay consistent in your own behaviour.
Source: Unsplash When someone is blowing hot and cold, it can be tempting to mirror their actions. But matching their inconsistency can create even more confusion. Instead, stay steady in how you treat them and let them see that your approach doesn’t change based on their mood.
9. Consider whether this pattern is something you can live with.
Source: Unsplash If this hot and cold behaviour is a recurring issue, ask yourself if it’s something you can handle long-term. Everyone has off days, but if it’s becoming a pattern, it’s worth thinking about whether this dynamic is healthy for you.
10. Look for patterns in when the hot and cold behaviour happens.
Source: Unsplash Pay attention to whether their hot and cold behaviour is triggered by specific events or circumstances. Understanding the root of their shifts might help you predict or even prevent them. Knowing what triggers their behaviour can give you more insight into how to handle it.
11. Don’t ignore red flags.
Source: Unsplash If the hot and cold behaviour feels manipulative or is making you constantly question your place in the relationship, it could be a red flag. Trust your gut if something feels off, and don’t dismiss your own feelings just to keep the peace.
12. Focus on your own happiness, not just theirs.
Source: Unsplash It’s easy to get caught up in trying to figure out what will make them happy, but don’t forget about your own needs. Your happiness is just as important, so make sure you’re prioritising yourself and not just adapting to their emotional swings.
13. Know when to walk away.
Source: Unsplash If hot and cold behaviour becomes a constant, and it’s taking a toll on your mental health, it might be time to step away. It’s okay to decide that this dynamic isn’t working for you and to move on from it. Sometimes walking away is the best way to protect your peace.
