Getting kids to listen can sometimes feel like an impossible task.
You ask them to do something, and suddenly, they’re completely distracted, ignoring you, or pushing back. It’s frustrating, but it doesn’t have to be a constant battle. The way you communicate with your child can make all the difference in how they respond to you. Rather than resorting to shouting, bribing, or endless negotiations, there are ways to encourage cooperation that actually work. These practical strategies can help you get your child to listen without turning every request into a power struggle.
1. Give clear and simple instructions.
Kids often tune out when they’re overwhelmed with too many words. If you want them to listen, keep your instructions short and to the point. Instead of saying, “Can you please put your shoes on because we’re leaving soon, and I don’t want to be late?” try, “Put your shoes on now, please.” Clear, direct communication makes it easier for them to process and respond.
Children also respond better to instructions when they’re given in a calm, confident tone. If you sound frustrated or rushed, they might mirror that energy and push back. The simpler and clearer you are, the more likely they are to cooperate without resistance.
2. Get down to their level.
Talking to your child from across the room or while standing over them makes it easier for them to ignore you. Instead, try crouching down to their eye level when you need them to listen. That small change makes communication feel more personal and engaging.
Eye contact and a gentle touch on the arm can also help grab their attention. When they see that you’re physically present and focused on them, they’re more likely to absorb what you’re saying instead of tuning you out.
3. Offer choices instead of demands.
Kids love feeling like they have some control over their lives. Instead of barking orders, try giving them options within boundaries. For example, instead of saying, “Put your coat on now,” ask, “Do you want to wear your red coat or your blue one?” It makes them feel involved rather than forced into a decision.
When children feel like they have some say in what’s happening, they’re far more likely to cooperate. It also reduces power struggles because they don’t feel like they’re being bossed around, but rather making a choice they’re happy with.
4. Make requests sound fun.
If every instruction sounds like a strict command, kids will naturally resist. Turning things into a game can work wonders. Instead of saying, “Clean up your toys,” try, “Let’s see if we can pick up all these blocks before I count to ten!” Adding an element of fun makes even the most boring tasks more appealing.
Kids respond better to enthusiasm than authority. If you make a task seem like something exciting or playful, they’re much more likely to go along with it without pushing back.
5. Acknowledge their feelings before redirecting.
If a child is upset or resisting a request, jumping straight into discipline mode can make them even more stubborn. Instead, take a moment to acknowledge their feelings before guiding them toward cooperation. Saying something like, “I see you’re really frustrated right now,” shows them that you understand.
Once they feel heard, they’ll be more open to listening. After validating their feelings, gently redirect them by offering a solution or an alternative action. The key is making them feel like their emotions matter while still setting a clear expectation.
6. Use positive reinforcement.
Instead of constantly pointing out what your child is doing wrong, focus on what they’re doing right. Kids thrive on encouragement, and when they feel recognised for their good behaviour, they’re more likely to repeat it. Simple phrases like, “I love how quickly you put your shoes on!” can go a long way.
Rather than threatening consequences all the time, try motivating them with praise and rewards. It doesn’t have to be material things—extra story time or a high-five can be just as effective. The more they associate cooperation with positive attention, the more they’ll want to listen.
7. Be consistent with expectations.
Kids need consistency to understand what’s expected of them. If one day you let them ignore bedtime and the next you get frustrated when they don’t go to bed on time, they’ll get mixed messages. Setting clear and consistent expectations makes it easier for them to follow the rules.
Following through is just as important. If you say, “No screen time until your homework is done,” but then let them watch TV anyway, they’ll learn that your words don’t hold weight. Sticking to your boundaries helps them take your requests more seriously. Research shows that this not only makes them more likely to listen, but also makes them feel safe and secure.
8. Avoid getting into power struggles.
Source: Unsplash The more you argue with a child, the more determined they’ll be to win. Instead of engaging in a back-and-forth battle, try staying calm and neutral. If they push back, repeat your request once and then give them space to decide. Sometimes, silence is more powerful than nagging.
Power struggles happen when kids feel like they have no control. Giving them small choices, using humour, or simply walking away from unnecessary battles can help avoid unnecessary drama while still keeping authority intact.
9. Model the behaviour you want to see.
Source: Unsplash Children learn more from what they see than from what they’re told. If you want your child to listen calmly, show them what that looks like. If you constantly raise your voice when giving instructions, they’ll learn that shouting is part of communication.
Try speaking to them the way you want them to speak to you. Using manners, staying patient, and demonstrating respect teaches them how to respond in return. Kids mirror the behaviours they’re exposed to most often.
10. Give them time to process.
Source: Unsplash Not all kids respond instantly when given an instruction. Some need a few moments to process what’s being asked of them, especially when they’re engaged in something else. If they don’t react immediately, it doesn’t necessarily mean they’re ignoring you.
Instead of repeating yourself right away, try giving them a few seconds. A gentle touch or calling their name first can also help bring their focus back to you. Sometimes, a little patience goes a long way in getting them to cooperate.
11. Set routines they can rely on.
Kids respond well to structure. Having a predictable daily routine helps them know what to expect, making transitions easier. Instead of reminding them every night to brush their teeth, a bedtime routine makes it second nature.
When cooperation becomes part of a familiar rhythm, there’s less need for constant reminders and negotiations. A structured schedule can also help reduce meltdowns caused by sudden changes.
12. Use natural consequences.
Sometimes, the best way for kids to learn is through experience. Instead of punishing them, let natural consequences do the teaching. If they refuse to wear a coat, they’ll feel cold. If they don’t put their toys away, they might not be able to find them later.
Natural consequences teach responsibility without creating power struggles. Instead of forcing compliance, they help kids understand the impact of their choices in a real, meaningful way.
13. Stay calm and patient.
Getting frustrated when your child isn’t listening is understandable, but losing your cool usually makes things worse. Kids pick up on your energy, so if you’re stressed and reactive, they’re more likely to resist.
Taking a deep breath before responding, keeping your tone steady, and handling situations with patience sets the tone for smoother interactions. The calmer you stay, the more likely they are to follow your lead.
