How To Handle A Manipulator When They Don't Get Their Way

Getty Images/iStockphoto

Dealing with manipulators can be a tricky situation, especially when they don’t get what they want.

Their reactions can range from subtle guilt trips to outright emotional outbursts. Understanding how to navigate these situations is a must for maintaining your boundaries and protecting yourself. Here’s how to cope.

1. Stay cool, calm, and collected.

When a manipulator doesn’t get their way, their first instinct might be to trigger an emotional response in you. They might resort to anger, guilt, or even victimisation. The key is to remain calm and not let their emotions dictate yours. Take a deep breath, centre yourself, and respond with a level head.

2. Don’t take their behaviour personally.

A manipulator’s reaction is often a reflection of their own insecurities and need for control, not a personal attack on you. Remember, their behaviour is their responsibility, not yours. Detach yourself emotionally and try to see their actions for what they are – a desperate attempt to manipulate the situation.

3. Reinforce your boundaries.

Manipulators thrive on pushing boundaries and testing limits. When they don’t get their way, they might try to manipulate you into changing your mind. Stand firm on your decision and reiterate your boundaries. Be clear and concise in your communication, leaving no room for misinterpretation.

4. Don’t engage in their emotional games.

Manipulators are skilled at twisting words, playing the victim, and deflecting blame. Don’t fall for their tactics. Avoid getting drawn into arguments or emotional battles. Instead, redirect the conversation back to the issue at hand and focus on finding a solution.

5. Don’t offer justifications or explanations.

You don’t owe a manipulator an explanation for your decisions. They might try to guilt-trip you or demand reasons for your actions, but remember, you have the right to say no without having to justify yourself. Keep your responses brief and to the point, avoiding lengthy explanations that can be twisted or manipulated.

6. Maintain your composure and assertiveness.

Manipulators often try to intimidate or undermine your confidence. Don’t let them. Speak with a clear, steady voice and maintain eye contact. Project an air of assertiveness and self-assurance. This will show them that you’re not easily swayed by their tactics.

7. Offer alternative solutions (if applicable).

If appropriate, you can try to de-escalate the situation by offering alternative solutions or compromises. This shows that you’re willing to cooperate, but not at the expense of your own needs and boundaries. However, don’t feel obligated to offer solutions if the manipulator is being unreasonable or demanding.

8. Don’t get drawn into their drama.

Manipulators thrive on drama and chaos. They might create a scene, exaggerate their emotions, or try to draw other people into the conflict. Don’t get sucked into their drama. Stay calm, focused, and avoid feeding into their theatrics.

9. Set clear consequences.

If a manipulator’s behaviour becomes too disruptive or harmful, don’t hesitate to set clear consequences. Let them know that their actions have repercussions and that you won’t tolerate their manipulative tactics. This could mean limiting contact, taking a break from the relationship, or even ending it altogether if necessary. Remember, you have the right to protect yourself.

10. Don’t stoop to their level.

It’s tempting to fight fire with fire, but trying to outsmart or manipulate a manipulator is a losing game. It only escalates the conflict and drags you down to their level. Stay true to your values and principles, and resist the urge to engage in their manipulative tactics.

11. Get some support and backup from people you trust.

Dealing with a manipulator can be emotionally draining. Don’t hesitate to reach out to friends, family, or a therapist for support. Talking to someone you trust can help you process your emotions, gain perspective, and develop strategies for dealing with the manipulator.

12. Focus on your own well-being.

When dealing with a manipulator, it’s easy to get caught up in their drama and neglect your own needs. Remember to look after yourself. Engage in activities that bring you joy, practice self-care, and set aside time for relaxation and rejuvenation. Taking care of yourself will give you the strength and resilience to handle difficult situations.

13. Learn to recognise the signs of manipulation.

The more familiar you become with the tactics manipulators use, the better equipped you’ll be to spot them and respond effectively. Pay attention to subtle cues like guilt trips, gaslighting, passive-aggressiveness, and emotional blackmail. By recognising these patterns, you can protect yourself from their influence.

14. Trust your instincts.

If something feels off or uncomfortable in your interactions with a manipulator, trust your gut feeling. Don’t second-guess yourself or doubt your instincts. Your intuition is often a powerful indicator of whether someone is being genuine or manipulative.

15. Know when to walk away.

Sometimes, the best way to deal with a manipulator is to simply walk away. If their behaviour is consistently toxic and harmful, it might be time to cut ties and remove yourself from the situation. Your mental and emotional well-being are paramount, and you don’t owe anyone your presence if it’s detrimental to your health.