When someone you care about is struggling with depression, it’s hard to know what to do.
You want to help, of course, but you don’t want to say the wrong thing or make them feel worse. The truth is, you don’t need to have all the answers — just showing up and offering support can make a huge difference. Depression can be isolating, but having even one person who genuinely cares can help more than you might realise. Here’s how to support a friend with depression in a way that actually makes a positive difference.
1. Let them know you’re there without pressure.
Depression makes people withdraw, and sometimes they won’t reach out even when they need support. Something short and sweet like “I’m here for you” can go a long way, even if they don’t respond right away.
The key is to offer support without making them feel guilty about how they’re feeling. You could even try something like, “No pressure to talk, but I just wanted to check in on you.” It lets them know you care without making them feel like they have to respond if they’re not up to it.
2. Avoid trying to “fix” them, no matter how tempting.
It’s natural to want to cheer them up, but depression isn’t something that can be solved with a motivational quote or a “just think positive” pep talk. In fact, those things can make them feel worse. Instead of trying to fix their feelings, acknowledge them. Saying, “That sounds really hard” or “I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way” shows that you hear them, and that’s often more helpful than offering solutions they haven’t asked for and that might not even be applicable to their particular situation.
3. Check in regularly, even if they don’t respond.
When someone is depressed, even replying to a message can feel overwhelming. If they don’t respond, it’s not because they don’t appreciate you; it’s because depression makes even small tasks feel exhausting. Understand that and give them the space they need to work through how they’re feeling.
Keep checking in without expecting a reply. A simple “Thinking of you” or “No need to reply, but I’m here if you want to talk” lets them know they’re not alone, even if they’re struggling to engage.
4. Offer specific help instead of saying, “Let me know if you need anything.”
Depression makes it hard to ask for help, so instead of leaving it open-ended, offer something concrete. Instead of “Let me know if you need anything,” try “I’m heading to the shop — can I pick up anything for you?” or “Want me to come over and watch a film with you?” Giving them something specific to say yes to makes it easier for them to accept help without feeling like a burden.
5. Understand that they might cancel plans last minute.
Depression can make even simple social plans feel overwhelming. Your friend might agree to meet up, but then cancel at the last minute. It’s probably not because they don’t want to see you, but because they just don’t have the energy. Try not to take it personally. Let them know it’s okay and that you’ll try again another time. “No worries, let’s try another day” reassures them that you understand without making them feel guilty.
6. Be patient with their low energy and slow responses.
If they seem distant, tired, or disinterested, it’s not about you — it’s about how depression affects their energy levels. Even things they used to love can feel exhausting. Rather than expecting them to be their usual self, meet them where they’re at. Some days, just getting out of bed is a big achievement, and your understanding means more than you might realise.
7. Encourage them to talk, but don’t push.
Source: Unsplash Talking can help, but only if they feel safe and ready to do so. If they don’t want to open up, forcing the conversation can make them shut down even more. Let them know you’re there whenever they feel like talking. Saying, “I’m here if you ever want to talk, no pressure” gives them space to open up on their own terms. They’re more likely to take you up on it if they don’t feel pressured to spill their guts.
8. Help them with everyday tasks.
Depression can make even the smallest tasks like washing dishes, doing laundry, or cooking a meal feel impossible. Offering to help with practical things can take some weight off their shoulders. If you’re close enough, you could say, “Want me to come over and help tidy up a bit?” or “I can bring over some dinner if you don’t feel like cooking.” Little things like this can make their day a lot easier.
9. Don’t take their mood personally.
Sometimes, depression makes people irritable, distant, or withdrawn. If they seem short with you or don’t engage the way they used to, it’s not because they don’t appreciate you; it’s because they’re struggling. It’s hard not to internalise their behaviour, especially if they’re someone you’re close to, but it’s really not about you.
Try not to take it to heart. Give them space if they need it, but let them know you’re not going anywhere. Depression is exhausting, and sometimes people just don’t have the energy to socialise like they used to.
10. Encourage their small wins.
When someone’s depressed, even small achievements can feel like a huge effort. Instead of focusing on big, overwhelming goals, encourage tiny steps. Something as simple as “I’m proud of you for getting through today” or “That’s great that you managed to eat something” can remind them that even small progress is still progress. Obviously, be careful that you’re not coming off as patronising or condescending — keep it genuine and don’t go overboard with your praise.
11. Suggest getting outside, but don’t push it.
Fresh air and movement can genuinely help with mood, but when someone’s depressed, even leaving the house can feel like a Herculean task. Instead of demanding they go for a walk, offer to do something together. “Fancy a quick walk around the block?” or “Want to grab a coffee and sit outside for a bit?” gives them an easy way to say yes without feeling pressured. If they say no, leave it at that.
12. Remind them they’re not a burden.
One of the hardest things about depression is feeling like you’re dragging other people down. Your friend might think you’re only checking in out of obligation, even if that’s far from the truth. Gently reminding them that you care about them, no matter what, can mean a lot. Saying, “I want to be here for you, and you don’t have to apologise for that” can help ease their guilt.
13. Encourage them to talk to a professional if you think they need it.
Therapy or medical help can be really beneficial, but bringing it up can be a bit awkward. Instead of making it sound like a demand, frame it as something that could help them feel better. “I know therapy isn’t easy to think about, but it might be worth a try” or “Would you want help looking into some options?” makes it feel like a suggestion rather than a judgement. It’ll likely go over better if you’ve been to therapy yourself, so if that’s the case, don’t be shy about sharing your experience.
14. Just be there, even if you don’t know what to say.
Sometimes, there’s nothing you can say to make things better, but your presence alone can help. You don’t have to have all the right words; just showing up, checking in, or sitting with them in silence can be enough. Depression can make people feel alone, and just knowing someone is there, even in the smallest ways, can make a huge difference.
