No one plans to end up in a relationship with a narcissist, let alone start a family with them.
However, sometimes you don’t realise your partner’s true nature until it’s already too late. While looking after yourself and escaping what could become a very bad situation is important, your biggest priority will likely be protecting your child from their other parent’s damaging behaviour. Here’s how to do it to the best of your ability.
1. Educate yourself about narcissistic personality disorder.
Understanding the traits and behaviours of narcissism is vital for protecting your child. Learn about the typical patterns of narcissistic behaviour and how they can affect children because this knowledge will help you identify harmful situations and respond appropriately to keep your child safe.
2. Set clear boundaries and stick to them.
Establishing firm boundaries is non-negotiable when dealing with a narcissistic parent. Be clear about what behaviour is acceptable and what isn’t, especially around your child. Enforce these boundaries consistently, even if it leads to drama on their behalf. Remember, your child’s safety is more important than keeping the peace.
3. Limit your child’s exposure to the narcissistic parent when possible.
If it’s possible, try to reduce the amount of time your child spends alone with the narcissistic parent. This might mean supervising visits or arranging for them to take place in public settings. The less one-on-one time the narcissist has with your child, the less opportunity they have to manipulate or emotionally harm them.
4. Teach your child about healthy relationships and emotions.
Help your child understand what healthy relationships look like. Teach them about emotions, empathy, and respectful communication. Doing so will help them recognise when someone’s behaviour isn’t okay and give them the tools to handle tough situations. Encourage open discussions about feelings and experiences.
5. Validate your child’s feelings and experiences.
Narcissists often gaslight their victims, making them doubt their own judgement and feelings. Counter this by consistently validating your child’s emotions and experiences. Let them know it’s okay to feel hurt or upset by the narcissistic parent’s behaviour. A bit of regular validation will help build their self-esteem and emotional resilience.
6. Model healthy behaviour and coping strategies.
Children learn a lot by observing their parents. Show your child how to handle difficult situations calmly and assertively, and lead by example with healthy ways of coping with stress and emotion. You have the power to give them valuable tools for dealing with the narcissistic parent and other challenges in life.
7. Get some professional help for yourself and your child.
Dealing with a narcissistic co-parent can be emotionally draining. Consider getting counselling or therapy for yourself to help you deal with this situation. A child therapist can also provide incredible support for your child, helping them process their experiences and develop coping strategies.
8. Document incidents of harmful behaviour.
Keep a record of any incidents where the narcissistic parent behaves in ways that are harmful to your child. This documentation can be incredibly important if you need to take legal action to protect your child. Include dates, times, and detailed descriptions of what happened. If possible, gather evidence such as text messages or emails.
9. Teach your child about personal boundaries.
Help your child understand that they have the right to set personal boundaries, even with parents. Teach them phrases they can use to assert themselves, like “I don’t like it when you do that” or “Please stop, that makes me uncomfortable”. Empower them to speak up when they feel their boundaries are being crossed.
10. Provide a safe, stable environment at home.
Source: Unsplash Create a home environment that feels safe and nurturing for your child. This stable base can help counteract the chaos and unpredictability often associated with narcissistic behaviour. Establish routines, show consistent love and support, and make your home a place where your child feels secure and valued.
11. Avoid speaking negatively about the narcissistic parent in front of your child.
As tempting as it might be to criticise the narcissistic parent, try to avoid doing so in front of your child. Why? It can put them in a difficult position and may even push them to defend the narcissistic parent. Instead, focus on addressing specific behaviours and how they impact your child, rather than attacking the parent’s character.
12. Teach your child critical thinking skills.
Narcissists often use manipulation tactics. Teaching your child to think critically can help them recognise these tactics. Encourage them to question things, think for themselves, and not just accept everything they’re told. Having this skill will serve them well in dealing with the narcissistic parent and in life in general.
13. Build a support network for yourself and your child.
Dealing with a narcissistic co-parent can be isolating. Build a support network of friends, family, or support groups who understand your situation. Encourage your child to build strong relationships with other caring adults too. These connections can provide emotional support and different perspectives on healthy relationships.
14. Encourage your child’s independence and self-esteem.
Narcissistic parents often try to control their children and undermine their self-esteem. Counter this by encouraging your child’s independence and praising their efforts and achievements. Help them develop their own interests and identity separate from the narcissistic parent.
15. Be patient and consistent in your approach.
Source: Unsplash Protecting your child from a narcissistic parent is a long-term process. It requires patience, consistency, and ongoing effort. There may be setbacks along the way, but don’t get discouraged. Your steady, loving presence in your child’s life is a powerful protective factor. Keep reinforcing healthy behaviours and attitudes, and over time, your child will develop the resilience to handle the challenges of having a narcissistic parent.
