It’s annoying when you’re looking forward to plans, only to get that dreaded last-minute cancellation.
Whether the person has a valid excuse or something that feels less sincere, there’s no sense kicking off about it, especially since it’s not going to suddenly mean your plans are back on. As disappointed or angry as you might be, here’s how to handle those unexpected changes with calm and understanding.
1. Take a moment to process your feelings.
Obviously, if your plans were just a quick run to Primark or grabbing a coffee, maybe it’s not that deep. But if it was something big or if you haven’t seen the person in ages, it’s normal to feel let down, frustrated, or even hurt. Instead of reacting straight away, take a moment to breathe and acknowledge how you’re feeling. If you try to brush it off, you might end up holding onto that frustration and letting it build up. A couple of deep breaths will help you calm down and respond in a way that’s fair to both of you, without saying something you might regret later.
2. Think about why they cancelled.
If they’ve given you a reason for bailing, take a minute to think it through. Are they genuinely sick or caught in a tricky situation? Or does it feel like they’re just making excuses? Understanding the reason can help you decide how to react. If it’s a solid excuse, it might be easier to let it go and be understanding. But if it feels like something flimsy, it’s totally fine to express your disappointment in a calm way.
3. Be nice about it, but set boundaries if you think they’re necessary.
It’s important to stay kind and understanding, but you don’t have to bottle up your feelings. If their cancellations are starting to get on your nerves, it’s okay to say something about it in a non-confrontational way. Something like, “I totally get it, but I was really looking forward to seeing you,” tells them how you feel without starting an argument. If this is becoming a regular thing, it might be time to set some boundaries. Let them know how it affects you, so there’s no hard feelings down the line.
4. Don’t take it personally.
When plans fall through, it’s easy to start thinking it’s something about you. Maybe you feel like they cancelled because they don’t care about you. But honestly, it’s more about their situation than anything to do with you. When you keep this in mind, it helps you not take it too personally and avoid spiralling into self-doubt. It’s all about understanding that their reasons probably aren’t a reflection of how much they value you.
5. Decide if you want to reschedule.
If you’re still keen to meet up, suggesting a new date is a good way to show you’re not holding a grudge, and you still want to spend time together. But if cancellations are happening all the time, and you’re feeling like it’s one-sided, it’s totally okay to not push for a reschedule. Sometimes not rescheduling says more than words ever could, and it gives them a chance to think about how they’re treating your time.
6. Use the time for yourself.
That unexpected free time might sting a bit at first, but honestly, it’s a bit of a blessing in disguise. Whether you dive into a hobby, catch up on a show, or just sit and enjoy some quiet time, you can use the moment for yourself. Reframing the situation as an opportunity for self-care or a productive session makes it feel less like a missed plan and more like a bonus.
7. Set your expectations for the future.
If last-minute cancellations are happening on the regular, it might be time for an honest chat. Let them know how their behaviour is affecting you and what you need from them going forward. You don’t have to be harsh, just clear and respectful. Setting expectations early can stop any frustration from building up, and it makes it easier to avoid the same issue again.
8. Mind your tone when responding.
How you reply can really affect the way things go after this. If you’re feeling upset, it’s best to take a step back before you say anything. No one likes passive-aggressive remarks or guilt trips, and they rarely get the response you’re after. A calm, measured response shows maturity and lets the relationship stay healthy, even if you’re feeling a bit let down.
9. Check your own flexibility.
Sometimes, plans change because life throws curveballs. Reflecting on how flexible you are can help you approach cancellations with more understanding. Are you the type to let it slide when plans change, or does it completely throw you off? Being a bit more adaptable can help make these situations feel less disruptive, and it gives you the space to react without letting it ruin your day.
10. Reflect on the strength of the relationship.
If this is happening over and over, it might be time to think about how much effort both of you are putting in. Are they genuinely busy all the time, or is it a sign they’re just not prioritising you? Looking at how much you’re both investing in the relationship can help you decide if it’s worth putting more time into. If it feels like it’s one-sided, it might be time to pull back a bit.
11. Don’t vent online, for goodness’ sake.
It’s tempting, right? To go on Facebook or Twitter and post something vague about how people keep cancelling plans. Honestly, that just creates unnecessary drama and could make the other person feel attacked. Instead, talk to a mate or write it down in a journal. Keeping it between you and a trusted friend means you get to process the frustration without dragging other people into it.
12. Look for patterns in their behaviour.
If this isn’t the first time they’ve cancelled on you, take a moment to think about whether this is part of a bigger pattern. Are they generally unreliable or just really stretched with their own stuff? Understanding patterns can help you manage your expectations. If it’s a recurring issue, it might be time for a heart-to-heart to address it, or at least decide how much energy you want to keep putting in.
13. Consider your own cancellations.
It’s easy to get annoyed when someone cancels, but have a think about whether you’ve ever cancelled on them. Were your reasons good enough? Thinking about your own habits helps you approach things with a bit more empathy. Life happens, and sometimes things come up—being understanding goes both ways.
14. Remember it’s okay to feel disappointed.
It’s completely normal to feel disappointed when your plans don’t go ahead, especially if you were really looking forward to it. The key is not to let that feeling stick around for too long. Acknowledge it, feel it, and then move on. By letting the disappointment go, you free up space to focus on what’s next instead of dwelling on what didn’t happen.
