Marriage has its ups and downs, but sometimes the downs stick around too long.
Figuring out if a marriage is truly over isn’t easy, but it’s important. After all, you don’t want to stay in a toxic situation, or drag the partnership out long past its sell-by date. While marriage is a commitment, and you should never give up without a fight, if these things are happening, it might be time to call it a day.
1. Communication has become impossible.
If every conversation ends in an argument, or you both avoid talking altogether, it’s a sign that connection and understanding have faded. When real communication feels out of reach, it’s a tough spot to come back from. Miscommunication and avoidance can turn even small disagreements into constant stress.
2. There’s constant criticism or contempt.
Disagreements happen, but if you’re both throwing constant criticism or eye-rolling contempt at each other, it’s a red flag. Being around each other starts to feel tense, and respect starts to feel like a distant memory. If these negative interactions keep up, it becomes harder to feel safe and supported in the relationship.
3. You live like roommates, not partners.
Sharing a space doesn’t always mean sharing a life. If your relationship has turned into two people just coexisting—no connection, no shared goals—that’s a big sign that the closeness is fading. Living in the same house, but feeling alone can really highlight what’s missing.
4. Intimacy is non-existent.
Physical and emotional intimacy are both big parts of a healthy marriage. If there’s been a long-term absence of either, it could be a sign that the relationship is struggling to stay connected. A marriage without intimacy can start to feel hollow and unfulfilling over time.
5. One or both of you avoid spending time together.
It’s normal to want personal space, but if you’re both actively avoiding each other, that’s a different story. When you’d rather be anywhere else, it’s time to think about what’s missing in the relationship. Feeling like you need distance from each other can be draining and isolating.
6. Resentment is the new normal.
When resentment builds up, it’s hard to let go of. Holding on to past issues or disappointments can make it difficult to see each other clearly or move forward in a healthy way. The resentment can start to weigh on even the simplest interactions and destroy any warmth.
7. You or your partner no longer feel invested in each other’s lives.
A strong marriage means being part of each other’s goals, achievements, and struggles. If either of you no longer cares about what’s going on in each other’s lives, it could be a sign that you’re both starting to check out. A lack of interest in each other’s lives can lead to feeling like strangers.
8. You’re already imagining life without them.
If you’re picturing life on your own, and it brings relief rather than fear, that might be a clue your heart’s already halfway out the door. Sometimes, our imagination gives us a glimpse of what we really want. Daydreaming about a different future can be a sign that you’re ready for something new.
9. Attempts to improve things feel like going through the motions.
When you’re trying to fix things, there’s usually some hope in the effort. But if trying to work things out feels empty or forced, it could mean that the commitment to change just isn’t there. Without genuine enthusiasm to make things better, progress rarely happens.
10. One or both of you withdraw emotionally.
Emotional withdrawal can be subtle but powerful. If either of you has started keeping things to yourself, or just doesn’t want to share anymore, it’s a sign the connection is fading. All this emotional distance can create a quiet, unspoken divide that’s tough to overcome.
11. Your goals and values no longer align.
Shared goals and values help keep a relationship strong. If you’re moving in completely different directions, with separate visions of the future, it may be hard to stay on the same page. Differing paths can make it hard to feel like a team with a shared purpose.
12. Arguments feel like a broken record.
Arguments that never get resolved can really wear down a marriage. If you’re stuck in the same old fights over and over, it might mean some deeper issues are being avoided. These recurring arguments can drain both of you and make positive change seem impossible.
13. There’s a loss of mutual respect.
Respect is a core part of any relationship. Without it, things like communication and trust become a lot harder. Losing respect for each other can make you feel unsupported and alone in the marriage.
14. Financial trust has been broken.
Money can be tricky, but honesty is essential. If there’s secrecy or constant arguments around money, it can add a level of stress and distrust that strains everything else in the marriage. Broken financial trust can lead to resentment and anxiety about the future.
15. Friends and family notice the distance.
Sometimes, the people closest to us see things we can’t. If friends or family mention seeing distance between you two, it might be a sign to take an honest look at where things are. Outside perspectives can sometimes help reveal issues that are hard to see from within.
16. Therapy hasn’t brought lasting change.
Therapy is a great tool, but if you’ve been counseling with little improvement, the issues might be too deeply ingrained. It could mean the foundation just isn’t strong enough to hold things together. When therapy efforts fall short, it may be a sign to reevaluate your path.
17. There’s been infidelity, and trust can’t be rebuilt.
Infidelity is a deal-breaker for many. If attempts to rebuild trust just aren’t working, that constant feeling of betrayal might be a sign that it’s best to let go and move forward separately. Trying to mend things without trust can feel like an endless struggle.
18. You feel like you’ve become different people.
Source: Unsplash People change over time, and sometimes those changes aren’t compatible. If you and your spouse feel like strangers who’ve drifted too far apart, it may mean the relationship has run its course. Growing in ways that don’t fit together can make staying together feel forced.
