When you truly love someone and have been together for a while, sometimes it’s hard to spot the red flags that things aren’t quite right.
You might know how to recognise the overtly toxic behaviours like lying and cheating, but your partner might be guilty of more subtle actions that can be just as damaging in the long run. Here are a few things to keep your eyes peeled for — and confront head-on if you notice them.
1. They’re always criticising you, even for small things.
Constructive feedback is one thing, but constant criticism is another. If your partner is always pointing out your flaws or mistakes, it can really wear you down over time. Healthy relationships involve support and encouragement, not endless nitpicking.
2. They try to control who you see and where you go.
It’s normal to want to spend time with your partner, but it’s not okay for them to dictate your social life. If they’re always questioning who you’re with or discouraging you from seeing friends and family, that’s a red flag. Everyone needs their own space and relationships outside of their romantic partnership.
3. They make you feel guilty for having your own interests.
A supportive partner will encourage your hobbies and passions, even if they don’t share them. If your partner makes you feel bad about spending time on things you enjoy, or pressures you to give them up, that’s not healthy. Your individuality is important and should be celebrated, not stifled.
4. They’re constantly checking your phone or social media.
Privacy is important in any relationship. If your partner is always snooping through your messages or demanding to know who you’re talking to, it shows a lack of trust. While openness is good, everyone deserves some personal space, both online and offline.
5. They use the silent treatment as punishment.
Communication is key in relationships, and shutting down completely is never a healthy way to deal with conflict. If your partner regularly gives you the silent treatment when they’re upset, it’s a form of emotional manipulation. Healthy couples talk through their issues, even when it’s hard.
6. They make all the decisions without considering your input.
Partnerships are about compromise and mutual decision-making. If your partner always insists on having their way, from what you eat for dinner to major life choices, it’s a sign of an imbalance in the relationship. Your opinions and preferences matter too.
7. They blow hot and cold, keeping you constantly off-balance.
One day they’re showering you with affection, the next they’re distant and cold. This unpredictable behaviour can leave you feeling anxious and insecure. Healthy relationships have a consistent level of care and affection, even if it naturally ebbs and flows a bit.
8. They never take responsibility for their mistakes.
We all mess up sometimes, but a mature partner will own their mistakes and apologise when necessary. If your partner always blames other people (or you) for their actions, or refuses to acknowledge when they’re wrong, it’s a sign of emotional immaturity.
9. They pressure you into physical intimacy when you’re not comfortable.
Consent and respect for boundaries are non-negotiable in a healthy relationship. If your partner pushes you to be intimate when you’re not in the mood, or makes you feel guilty for saying no, that’s not okay. Your comfort and feelings should always be respected.
10. They belittle your achievements or mock your dreams.
A good partner will celebrate your successes and support your ambitions. If yours downplays your accomplishments or laughs at your goals, it could be a sign of insecurity or a desire to keep you down. You deserve someone who cheers you on, not holds you back.
11. They use your insecurities against you.
In a healthy relationship, you should feel safe sharing your vulnerabilities. If your partner brings up your insecurities during arguments or uses them to make you feel bad, that’s emotional manipulation. A caring partner will try to build you up, not tear you down.
12. They refuse to discuss the future of your relationship.
While not everyone moves at the same pace, a complete unwillingness to talk about the future can be a red flag. If your partner shuts down any conversation about where your relationship is going, it might indicate they’re not as invested as you are.
13. They make you feel like you’re walking on eggshells.
If you’re constantly worried about saying or doing the wrong thing to avoid upsetting your partner, that’s not a healthy dynamic. You should feel comfortable being yourself around your partner, not anxious about their reactions.
14. They dismiss your feelings as ‘overreacting’.
Emotional invalidation is a subtle form of gaslighting. If your partner consistently downplays your feelings or tells you you’re being too sensitive, it can make you doubt your own perceptions. Your feelings are valid and deserve to be acknowledged, even if your partner doesn’t agree with them.
15. They never compromise, it’s always their way or no way.
Relationships involve give and take. If your partner always insists on getting their way and never meets you halfway, it’s a sign of selfishness. Healthy couples find ways to compromise that work for both partners.
16. They use threats to control your behaviour.
Whether it’s threatening to leave, to hurt themselves, or to reveal personal information about you, using threats as a way to control you is never okay. It’s a form of emotional blackmail that has no place in a healthy relationship.
17. They consistently put their needs before yours.
While it’s important to take care of yourself, a good partner will also consider your needs and try to find a balance. If your partner always prioritises their own wants and needs without ever considering yours, it’s a sign of an unhealthy imbalance in the relationship.
18. They make you feel worse about yourself, not better.
At the end of the day, a healthy relationship should bring more joy and fulfilment to your life, not stress and self-doubt. If you consistently feel worse about yourself when you’re with your partner, it might be time to reassess the relationship. You deserve to be with someone who lifts you up and helps you grow.
