When life is especially stressful or hard, the worst possible thing you can hear is that “everything happens for a reason.”
Sure, the people who say it to you are likely trying to help, but it usually has the opposite effect. When you lose a loved one, end a relationship, get fired from your job, or any other awful experience, looking for some sort of divine hand in the way things have played out really doesn’t do any good. In fact, it often just makes things worse. However, it’s usually well-intentioned, so instead of losing your rag and telling them where to go, respond in one of these ways instead.
1. “I get why people say that, but it doesn’t always feel that way in the moment.”
You’re not exactly invalidating their sentiment, but you’re not agreeing with it either, here. It keeps the conversation open while allowing you to express doubt, frustration, or sadness if needed. Sometimes, people say this without thinking about how it might come across, assuming it brings comfort no matter what. By responding this way, you subtly push back while still allowing space for discussion. It shows that while you understand the intent behind their words, you’re struggling to see the logic in the present moment. This can lead to a more genuine conversation rather than just brushing over feelings.
2. “Maybe, but sometimes bad things just happen, and they don’t need a bigger meaning.”
For moments when you’re not in the mood to philosophise, this keeps things direct but not confrontational. It acknowledges that life is unpredictable and that not everything needs a reason to justify it. Some things are painful and unfair, and forcing meaning onto them can feel dismissive. It can also help shift the conversation away from trying to make sense of things and toward simply acknowledging how tough the situation is. Some people rely on everything happening for a reason to provide comfort, but it’s okay to remind them that not everything needs a neat explanation. Sometimes, things just happen, and that’s a reality we have to sit with.
3. “I used to believe that, but I’m not so sure anymore.”
Perspectives change, especially after going through something especially painful or unexpected. This is honest without shutting the other person down, allowing you to express doubt in a way that still lets them know you’re not shutting them out completely. By responding like this, you open the door for a more meaningful conversation rather than just accepting a blanket statement. It lets the other person know that you might need support in a different way, rather than just being told that everything is part of a bigger plan.
4. “I hope that’s true because right now, it just feels unfair.”
When life feels especially tough, this shows that while you might want to believe there’s a reason behind everything, it doesn’t feel that way in the moment. You’re acknowledging where they’re coming from and how they see things without writing off your own scepticism. In other words, you’re meeting each other halfway. This also helps avoid an argument while making it clear that you’re struggling. If they care about you, they might see that you need support, not just reassurance. Sometimes, people mean well but don’t realise that their words don’t always land the way they intend.
5. “If there is a reason, I’d love to know what it is.”
When you’re feeling frustrated, this adds a bit of humour while still making a point. It points out that not every awful thing that happens in life comes with an obvious explanation, and some things feel completely random. It’s a way to acknowledge their perspective without forcing yourself to accept it. Sometimes, the best way to get through tough conversations is through a little levity, and this can lighten the mood while still allowing you to express that you’re not convinced that everything happens for a reason. It can also lead to a deeper conversation if the person is open to it.
6. “I’d rather focus on what I can control than looking for a reason.”
For those who prefer action over philosophy, this changes the conversation toward something more productive. It reminds the other person that not everyone finds comfort in looking for meaning and that sometimes, the best thing to do is focus on what’s next. It sets a boundary without being dismissive. When things feel overwhelming, looking for meaning can sometimes feel exhausting rather than helpful. This makes it clear that you’d rather channel your energy into something practical. It can also encourage a conversation about moving forward rather than dwelling on why things happened.
7. “I know you mean well, but that doesn’t really help right now.”
Sometimes, “everything happens for a reason” feels more dismissive than comforting. If that’s the case, this response sets a clear boundary while acknowledging their intent. This lets them know that while they may have meant well, their words aren’t what you need right now. That kind of honesty can help prevent frustration from building up, especially if you’re close to the person. Some people don’t realise that their words can come across as invalidating, so this gives them a chance to adjust their approach and offer support in a more helpful way.
8. “That sounds nice, but not everything in life makes sense.”
When you’re not in the mood to get deep, this acknowledges their point while keeping things neutral. It avoids an argument while subtly expressing that you don’t necessarily agree. If you’re not interested in a back-and-forth discussion, this is a good way to shut it down. Some people find comfort in believing that everything has a reason, while others don’t. This keeps the conversation moving without dismissing their beliefs or forcing yourself to pretend you agree. It allows both perspectives to exist without drama.
9. “I guess we all find different ways to make sense of things.”
This is useful when you want to keep the conversation open without necessarily agreeing. Sure, people use different coping mechanisms to deal with life’s uncertainties, and that’s fine. Some people find comfort in believing that everything has a purpose, but you don’t. By responding this way, you avoid shutting down the conversation while still holding space for your own beliefs. It can also encourage the other person to think about how different people process tough situations in their own way.
10. “I think sometimes we just have to create our own meaning.”
Not everyone believes in fate, but that doesn’t mean life has to be meaningless. This offers an alternative POV: that even if things don’t happen for a reason, we can still find ways to make sense of them. It flips the focus from searching for external explanations to creating personal meaning. It’s a hopeful way to frame things without forcing yourself to accept something you don’t believe in. It also invites conversation about how people find their own ways to cope, grow, and move forward after difficult experiences.
11. “That’s one way to look at it, but I think some things just happen without a reason.”
Sometimes, you don’t want to argue, but you also don’t want to agree. This keeps things neutral while making it clear that you don’t fully buy into the idea. It allows for different perspectives without shutting the conversation down or making things awkward. They’re likely trying to comfort you by ascribing some higher meaning to what’s going on, but not everyone finds it helpful. By responding like this, you make that clear while keeping the discussion open-ended. It also signals that you might be feeling differently, without outright rejecting what they said.
12. “I don’t know if I believe that, but I do believe in making the best of things.”
If you’re looking for a way to respond without getting too deep, this strikes a good balance. It sends the message that while you might not believe everything happens for a reason, you do believe in finding a way forward. You’re not looking for meaning; you just want to find a way to cope. It’s a practical yet positive response that avoids debating whether things happen for a reason. Instead of getting stuck in philosophical discussions, it keeps the conversation focused on what’s within your control. It’s a way to keep things productive while staying true to your beliefs.
13. “I think we all try to make sense of things in our own way.”
When you don’t want to agree or disagree, this keeps things neutral while allowing both perspectives to exist. It accepts that people process challenges differently and that there’s no single right way to see things. It also shifts the conversation toward understanding different viewpoints rather than debating them. This is especially useful if you’re speaking with someone who strongly believes in fate or purpose. Instead of pushing back against their belief, you’re simply recognising that different people find comfort in different ways. It helps avoid unnecessary conflict while still honouring your own thoughts.
14. “Honestly, I’d rather just be upset about it right now than try to find meaning in it.”
Sometimes, you just need to feel your emotions without looking for a deeper reason. This response is honest and direct, letting the other person know that you’re not in the mood to hear that everything happens for a reason. It creates space for your feelings without inviting a debate. Not everyone needs to find a reason for everything in order to process their feelings. Some people need time to be sad, angry, or frustrated without trying to make sense of it all. This sets a boundary in the conversation while keeping it clear that you’re not looking for answers — just space to feel.
15. “I’d rather focus on what I can do next instead of searching for a reason why it happened.”
If you’re someone who prefers action over reflection, this keeps things moving forward. It shifts the focus from finding meaning to focusing on what’s within your control. Instead of dwelling on why something happened, you prioritise what comes next. For some, finding meaning helps them process challenges, but for others, it can feel unhelpful or frustrating. This makes it clear that you’d rather focus on what you can control rather than looking for an explanation. It sets the tone for a more constructive conversation.
16. “That might be true, but right now, I just need to sit with what I’m feeling.”
This works well when you don’t necessarily want to argue, but you also don’t find comfort in the phrase. It reminds them that sometimes, what’s needed is space to process rather than trying to make sense of everything. Sometimes, people rush to find meaning because they don’t know how to sit with discomfort. Here, you’re pushing back against that urge, letting them know that what you need most is to feel your emotions without trying to force an explanation.
