When someone contradicts your opinions and perspectives, it can be incredibly frustrating.
It’s like, who do they think they are? It’s easy to feel defensive, but it’s still important to be respectful. Not only will it preserve your relationship with the person (which may or may not be important to you), but it can lead to meaningful conversations and personal growth. Plus, respecting other people’s views shows maturity, builds trust, and encourages honest conversations. It’s not easy, but here’s how to keep your cool when someone shoots down something you feel strongly about.
1. Take a deep breath before reacting.
When someone challenges your perspective, it’s natural to feel a surge of emotion. Instead of jumping into a defensive response, take a moment to breathe and centre yourself. Taking a quick pause helps you respond thoughtfully rather than react impulsively, keeping the conversation calm and constructive.
2. Listen actively to what they’re saying.
Respect starts with listening. Instead of preparing your counterargument, focus on truly understanding their perspective. Make eye contact, nod, and avoid interrupting. Active listening shows you value their input, even if you don’t agree.
3. Ask clarifying questions.
If something isn’t clear, ask questions to better understand their point of view. Phrases like “Can you explain what you mean by that?” or “I’d like to understand your perspective better” show you’re engaged and willing to learn, which creates a sense of mutual respect.
4. Acknowledge their perspective.
Even if you don’t agree, acknowledging the validity of their feelings or experiences shows respect. You can say, “I see why you’d feel that way,” or “That’s an interesting way to look at it.” Validation doesn’t mean agreement—it means recognising their right to their viewpoint.
5. Avoid making it personal.
Keep the focus on the topic, not the person. Avoid statements like “You’re wrong” or “You don’t know what you’re talking about,” which can escalate tension. Instead, frame your points around the issue at hand and use “I” statements, such as “I see it differently because…”
6. Stay calm and composed.
Raising your voice, rolling your eyes, or using sarcasm can make the conversation feel confrontational. Staying calm shows emotional maturity and keeps the discussion respectful. If you feel yourself getting heated, it’s okay to pause and regroup before continuing.
7. Share your perspective without dismissing theirs.
When it’s your turn to speak, share your thoughts clearly and confidently, but avoid dismissing their views outright. Use phrases like “From my experience…” or “I’ve always thought…” rather than “You’re completely wrong” or “That doesn’t make sense.” This keeps the conversation open and respectful.
8. Avoid assumptions about their intentions.
Jumping to conclusions about why someone holds a certain view can create unnecessary conflict. Instead of assuming they’re attacking you or being stubborn, consider that they may have experiences or beliefs that shape their opinion. Give them the benefit of the doubt.
9. Find common ground where possible.
Even in disagreements, there’s often overlap in values or goals. Pointing out shared beliefs can create a sense of connection and reduce tension. For example, “We both want what’s best for the community, even if we see it differently” highlights unity over division.
10. Be open to learning something new.
Source: Unsplash A challenge to your views doesn’t have to be a threat—it can be an opportunity. Approaching the conversation with curiosity rather than defensiveness allows you to learn and grow. Ask yourself, “What can I take away from this perspective?”
11. Respectfully agree to disagree.
Not every conversation will end in agreement, and that’s okay. If you’ve both shared your perspectives and still differ, acknowledge it respectfully. Saying, “I appreciate hearing your thoughts, even though we see it differently,” keeps the interaction positive and maintains mutual respect.
12. Avoid falling into the “win or lose” mindset.
Discussions aren’t competitions, and trying to “win” the argument often leads to frustration on both sides. Shift your focus from proving you’re right to understanding each other better. Looking at things this way encourages collaboration rather than conflict.
13. Use empathy to guide your response.
Empathy helps you see where the other person is coming from, even if their view differs from yours. Consider their background, experiences, and feelings. Responding with empathy not only shows respect but also builds trust and rapport, even in disagreement.
14. Know when to end the conversation.
Source: Unsplash Sometimes, conversations reach a point where further discussion isn’t productive. If the dialogue becomes heated or repetitive, it’s okay to politely step away. Saying, “Let’s pick this up another time” or “I think we’ve both shared our thoughts for now” allows for a graceful exit without escalating tensions.
