If you’ve spent years masking—whether to fit in, stay safe, or just get through the day—the idea of dropping that mask, even a little, can feel massive.
Unmasking doesn’t mean you have to suddenly start sharing everything with everyone. It’s more about slowly, quietly letting your real self breathe in places where you don’t have to be “on” all the time. Whether you’re neurodivergent, socially anxious, or just tired of playing a role, here’s how to start easing into more authentic spaces without it feeling like a full identity crisis.
1. Notice when you feel most like yourself.
Before trying to unmask, it helps to know what your actual self feels like. Are there moments when you laugh without thinking? When you move your body the way you naturally would, or talk without filtering every word? Those moments are little windows into who you are underneath the mask. Pay attention to when they happen and who you’re with—that’s your starting ground for building safer space around authenticity.
2. Start small with body language.
Masking isn’t just about what you say—it’s also how you sit, gesture, make eye contact, or even hold tension in your jaw. Try softening those things when you feel safe, even a little. Let yourself stim if that’s your thing. Let your shoulders drop if you’re always braced. You don’t have to explain it or perform it. Just make room for your natural rhythm to exist in the space.
3. Use your natural tone and pace when speaking.
If you’ve been adjusting how you talk, either to match other people or sound more “normal,” try letting your real tone or cadence come through. You don’t have to force it, just stop editing as much. It can feel weird at first, like you’re being too much or too quiet or too fast. But your voice deserves room. People who make space for it without commenting on it are probably the ones worth unmasking around.
4. Share something small that feels honest.
You don’t have to dump your life story. Start by sharing a genuine opinion, a weird interest, or a little piece of your internal world—something that feels low-stakes but true. It’s not about being vulnerable for attention. It’s about slowly testing the waters and letting your words reflect more of your real perspective, not just what you think people want to hear.
5. Notice how people react, and trust your gut.
If someone makes space for your quirks, listens without judgement, and doesn’t rush to fix or label you, that’s a green flag. If they laugh, look confused, or dismiss it, that’s not a space you need to force openness in. Unmasking isn’t about being brave in front of the wrong audience. It’s about learning where your weirdness, softness, and honesty actually land without being punished.
6. Let your interests show.
If you’ve been hiding the stuff you genuinely care about to seem more “normal” or fit into a group, try mentioning one of your real passions. Whether it’s insects, train stations, spreadsheets, or weird internet culture—let it surface. The people who light up or lean in when you talk about it? That’s your cue to go deeper. The ones who dismiss it? Let that be a quiet filter, not a reason to shrink back again.
7. Ask for accommodations if you need them.
If part of unmasking means not pretending you’re fine with things that overwhelm you, like loud spaces, short notice plans, or group events, speak up about it. Even just a “Hey, I’d rather text than call” is a step. It doesn’t have to be formal or dramatic. You’re not being high-maintenance—you’re just letting people know what helps you feel comfortable. The right people won’t make that weird.
8. Stop overexplaining your needs.
Masking often comes with a habit of justifying every feeling or preference. However, you don’t always owe a full paragraph of context. Sometimes “I’m not up for that” or “I need some quiet time” is enough. Practising short, honest answers helps you build trust in your own boundaries. You’re allowed to take up space without wrapping your every choice in an apology.
9. Let silence be okay.
Some people feel pressure to fill every silence to seem friendly or “on.” However, allowing pauses, especially in safe spaces, can be incredibly grounding. It’s a sign you’re not performing anymore. Letting yourself just exist, without keeping the vibe going or worrying how people see you, is a quiet way of unmasking that often speaks louder than words.
10. Embrace how you naturally move.
If you mask by physically holding yourself in, this one’s for you. Uncross your arms. Fidget. Let your hands move when you talk. Stretch. Stomp a little when you walk if that’s how your body wants to move. Reclaiming your physical space without shrinking or policing yourself helps rewire that old feeling that your body needs to be managed to make everyone else comfortable. It doesn’t.
11. Let yourself be inconsistent.
Source: Unsplash You don’t have to be the same version of yourself every time. Some days you’ll feel open and social. Other days, you’ll want to retreat. That doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong—it means you’re human. One of the biggest lies masking teaches is that you have to pick a role and stick with it. Of course, real authenticity is flexible. You get to change based on your energy, your environment, and your own needs, not what you think other people expect.
12. Don’t feel bad if you backtrack.
Sometimes you’ll open up and then feel awkward or exposed after. That’s normal. Unmasking isn’t a straight line; it’s a dance of trial and error, comfort and hesitation. The goal isn’t to be “fully unmasked” all the time. It’s to slowly create more moments where you’re not pretending, and to be kind to yourself when those moments feel wobbly.
13. Keep seeking out spaces that feel better.
Source: Unsplash The safer the space, the easier it becomes to unmask without even thinking about it. So look for the places where you laugh more, breathe easier, and feel less pressure to perform. You’ll find them. They might be online, or with one specific friend, or in the quiet corner of a shared interest group. The more you build those pockets of ease, the more natural it feels to just be — no mask required.
