How To Spot When Someone Isn’t Being Genuine

Not everyone is as real as they seem on the surface.

Some people put on a front, tell you what you want to hear, or act one way but mean something entirely different. Whether it’s a friend, a colleague, or even a romantic partner, spotting when someone isn’t being genuine can save you from unnecessary disappointment and frustration down the line. The key is paying attention to the little signs that reveal their true intentions. When you notice these red flags, don’t ignore them — they’re telling you that you’re dealing with a big ol’ faker.

1. Their words and actions don’t match up.

One of the biggest signs that someone isn’t being genuine is inconsistency. They might say all the right things, but if their actions don’t align with their words, something isn’t adding up. For example, if they constantly promise to be there for you but never actually show up when it matters, their words don’t mean much. Pay more attention to what they do rather than what they say. Talk is cheap, after all.

2. They seem overly agreeable.

It’s nice when someone is easygoing, but if they agree with literally everything you say and never have their own opinion, it could be a sign that they’re not being genuine. Some people avoid conflict by pretending to agree just to keep the peace. Real connections involve honesty, even when there are differing opinions at play. If someone never challenges anything you say or seems to change their views depending on who they’re with, they might just be telling people what they want to hear.

3. You get a gut feeling that something is off.

Your intuition is often your best guide. If something feels off about a person, even if you can’t quite explain why, it’s worth paying attention to that feeling. Genuine people have a certain ease about them, while those who are putting on an act can come across as forced or calculated. If your instincts tell you they’re not being real, trust that feeling.

4. They act differently around different people.

If someone switches their personality depending on who they’re with, it’s a red flag. Genuine people are consistent, whether they’re talking to their boss, their friends, or a stranger. Of course, everyone adjusts slightly depending on the situation, but if they completely change their tone, attitude, or values based on the crowd, it’s a sign they’re not showing their true self.

5. They only reach out when they need something.

A genuine person values relationships for more than just personal gain. If someone only calls, texts, or makes an effort when they need a favour, it’s a sign they might not actually care about the connection. Pay attention to whether they check in with you just to talk, or if every conversation has an agenda. Real friends and connections are about mutual support, not one-sided benefits.

6. They exaggerate or overpromise.

People who aren’t being genuine often feel the need to overcompensate. They’ll make big statements, promise more than they can realistically deliver, or exaggerate their achievements to impress other people. It’s one thing to be ambitious, but if someone constantly talks about things they’re going to do but never follows through, their words might not hold much weight.

7. They gossip about other people a little too much.

If someone is always talking negatively about people when they’re not around, chances are, they’re not being genuine with you either. A person who constantly gossips or badmouths people behind their backs is likely doing the same about you once you’re no longer in the vicinity. Genuine people don’t need to tear anyone down to make themselves look better. If someone is always stirring up drama, it’s a sign that their relationships aren’t built on honesty or respect.

8. They avoid deeper conversations.

Some people keep things surface-level because they don’t want to let anyone in. If someone always steers conversations away from anything personal or avoids talking about their true thoughts and feelings, they might not be as genuine as they seem. While not everyone is comfortable opening up immediately, a real connection involves some level of emotional honesty. If someone always keeps things vague, it might be because they don’t want people to see the real them.

9. They change their behaviour based on what benefits them.

If someone is nice to you when they need something but cold or dismissive when they don’t, that’s a clear sign they’re not being authentic. Their kindness is conditional, based on what they can get out of the situation. A genuine person treats people with respect, regardless of whether there’s anything in it for them. If someone’s behaviour towards you changes depending on what they need, their intentions aren’t sincere.

10. They struggle to take responsibility.

Someone who isn’t genuine will often avoid admitting when they’re wrong. They’ll deflect blame, make excuses, or try to twist the situation to make themselves look better. A real person isn’t afraid to take responsibility for their actions. If someone always shifts the blame onto other people or refuses to acknowledge their mistakes, they’re more focused on maintaining an image than on being honest.

11. Their compliments feel insincere.

Genuine compliments feel natural and specific, while fake ones can seem over-the-top or forced. If someone constantly flatters you, but it doesn’t feel authentic, they might be saying it for their own reasons rather than because they truly mean it. Real appreciation comes from noticing and valuing something about a person, not just throwing out compliments to gain favour or manipulate a situation.

12. They don’t show real emotion.

Fake smiles, forced enthusiasm, or a general lack of genuine emotion can be signs that someone isn’t being real. While everyone has moments where they put on a brave face, a person who never shows vulnerability might not be as open as they seem. Genuine people are comfortable expressing happiness, sadness, frustration, and excitement without feeling the need to put on a show. If someone always seems “performative” in their reactions, it could be a sign they’re not being authentic.

13. They avoid accountability for their actions.

If someone makes excuses instead of owning up to their behaviour, it’s a sign they might not be genuine. Whether it’s shifting blame, denying responsibility, or twisting the story, a lack of accountability reveals a lot about a person’s true character. Genuine people admit when they’re wrong and make an effort to fix things. If someone constantly dodges responsibility, their honesty and integrity might not be as solid as they make it seem.

14. They try too hard to impress people.

When someone is always trying to prove themselves, it can come across as inauthentic. Whether it’s bragging about their achievements, exaggerating their skills, or dropping names to seem important, this behaviour often signals insecurity rather than confidence. Genuine people don’t feel the need to seek constant validation. They let their actions speak for themselves instead of trying to convince anyone else of their worth.

15. They make you question their sincerity.

At the end of the day, the biggest sign that someone isn’t being genuine is that you find yourself questioning their sincerity. If you often wonder whether they really mean what they say or if their kindness has an ulterior motive, there’s probably a reason for that feeling. Real connections feel natural and trustworthy. If you constantly have doubts about whether someone is being real with you, it might be worth stepping back and re-evaluating the relationship.