No matter how much you back yourself, when someone is always trying to outdo you, it can really knock your confidence.
It doesn’t matter whether you’ve just got a promotion at work or you bought a new shirt at the weekend — they always have a better job, a nicer top, the list goes on and on. While the reasons they do this are entirely down to their own issues and have nothing to do with you, it’s hard not to let it get you down, especially when it’s relentless and seemingly targeted at you in particular. However, you don’t have to let them get to you. To keep feeling good about yourself, here’s how to deflect their one-upmanship altogether and let it slide right off your back.
1. Recognise that it’s not about you.
Honestly, when someone’s constantly trying to one-up you, it’s almost always a reflection of their own insecurities. People who need to keep outdoing everyone else are often trying to feel better about themselves. It has nothing to do with your worth, and everything to do with their need to prove something to themselves. Keep that in mind next time they try to top your latest achievement — again, it’s all about them, not you.
2. Celebrate your own achievements.
When you’re constantly comparing yourself to other people (or when other people try to compare for you), it’s easy to forget your own wins. You’ve worked hard, so take a minute to look at everything you’ve accomplished. Whether it’s big or small, be proud of it. You’re the only one who knows how much effort went into getting where you are, so own it! Plus, celebrating your wins is the easiest way to remind yourself just how much you’ve achieved.
3. Don’t play the comparison game.
Again, comparison really is the thief of joy. If you’re always measuring your worth against someone else, you’ll end up feeling less-than all the time. Instead, try shifting the focus onto your own growth. What makes you unique? What have you achieved that’s personal to you? That’s where your real value lies, without having to compete with anyone.
4. Stay calm and don’t engage in their competition.
One-uppers live for a reaction. If you stay calm and don’t bite back, they’ll start realising their game isn’t working. By not engaging in their game, you’ll show them that you’re not part of their competition, and they’ll stop trying to outdo you. Keep your cool, and they’ll be the ones looking for attention elsewhere.
5. Acknowledge their success without feeling threatened.
Here’s the tricky part: you can acknowledge someone else’s success without feeling like it’s taking something away from you. It’s perfectly okay for someone else to do well; that doesn’t lessen your own accomplishments. Just give a little nod to what they’ve achieved, then move on. It helps keep the atmosphere positive and reminds you that other people’s wins don’t diminish yours.
6. Focus on your strengths.
What makes you, you? Maybe you’re the creative one, or the super hard-working one, or maybe you just connect with people easily. Whatever your strengths are, double down on them! When you focus on what you’re good at, it’s easier to stay confident when someone’s trying to outdo you. There’s no need to compete when you know what you bring to the table.
7. Don’t let their behaviour dictate your emotions.
Their one-upmanship only affects you if you let it. Seriously. Someone else’s need to compete says more about them than it does about you. The next time they do it, take a deep breath and remind yourself that you don’t have to let their actions affect your mood. You control how you react.
8. Remember that confidence isn’t about competition.
True confidence doesn’t come from being better than anyone else — it comes from being secure in who you are. When someone’s trying to outdo you, don’t get caught up in the competition. Stay grounded in the knowledge that you’re already doing your best and that’s all that matters. You don’t have to compare or win to be confident.
9. Offer yourself some compassion — you deserve it.
Let’s be real, it can be super frustrating when someone’s constantly trying to top you. It’s normal to feel annoyed, or even a bit deflated by it. But remember to be kind to yourself when those feelings pop up. Don’t beat yourself up for feeling a certain way; just acknowledge it and move forward. You’re human, and it’s okay to feel challenged.
10. Set boundaries with competitive people.
If someone’s always trying to outdo you, it might be time to set some boundaries. You don’t have to get into a huge confrontation, but you can let them know, kindly, that you’re not interested in their ongoing competition. By doing this, you create a space where you can thrive without their negativity or need for one-upmanship getting in the way.
11. Redirect the conversation back to what you have in common.
One-uppers love to bring the focus back to themselves, but you can steer the conversation in a direction that’s less competitive. Try redirecting the chat to something you both enjoy or a shared hobby. This way, the conversation becomes about connection rather than comparison, and the tension starts to fade.
12. Recognise that their behaviour is not a reflection of your worth.
Someone constantly trying to outdo you is usually projecting their own issues. Their need to compete doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. Don’t let their behaviour make you doubt your worth or feel less-than. Their actions are a reflection of them, not you.
13. Practise mindfulness to stay centred.
When you’re feeling rattled by someone trying to outdo you, mindfulness can help you stay grounded. By taking a few deep breaths or observing how you’re feeling without judgement, you can regain some calm. Staying centred helps you not react impulsively or let their actions dictate your emotional state.
14. Focus on the bigger picture.
In the grand scheme of things, life isn’t about competing with other people — it’s about your own personal journey. When someone’s trying to outdo you, take a step back and remember that your path is unique to you. Focus on your growth, learning, and what makes you happy. At the end of the day, it’s your journey that matters most.
