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Getty Images/iStockphotoAre you feeling unheard, undervalued, or like you’re constantly putting other people’s needs before your own in your relationships?
If so, you might be a doormat. You might mean well, but letting people have their own way while you’re left in the dust is no way to live. Here are some signs you need to start standing up for yourself a bit more.
1. You avoid expressing your true opinions.
Maybe you keep quiet instead of disagreeing with someone in a meeting. Or you nod along with a friend’s opinion even if you don’t genuinely feel the same way. While a little diplomacy is important, constantly censoring your true thoughts might be a sign you’re afraid of being judged or disliked if people knew what you really believed.
2. You apologise excessively, even when it’s not your fault.
We all mess up sometimes, and a sincere apology is important. But if you find yourself saying “sorry” for things that aren’t your responsibility, or for simply expressing a need or opinion, it could be a sign of a doormat tendency. This can signal a lack of self-worth and an attempt to appease other people at your own expense.
3. You have trouble saying “no.”
Do you feel obligated to say yes to every request, even when you’re already overwhelmed or don’t really want to? People-pleasers often struggle with setting boundaries and saying “no,” fearing they’ll disappoint anyone or be seen as unhelpful. However, saying “yes” to everything can lead to burnout and resentment.
4. You put your needs last.
Do you consistently put everyone else’s needs and wants over your own? Maybe you sacrifice your sleep to help a friend, or always agree to do chores you dislike just to keep the peace. While being considerate is admirable, neglecting your own needs can leave you feeling depleted and unfulfilled.
5. You feel responsible for other people’s feelings.
It’s natural to care about the emotions of people we love, but if you feel it’s your job to make everyone happy or fix their problems, it can be a sign of being a doormat. You’re not responsible for other people’s happiness, and trying to be can be an impossible and exhausting task.
6. You let people treat you like crap.
This could involve accepting disrespectful comments, tolerating broken promises, or letting people take advantage of your kindness. If you don’t set boundaries and speak up when you’re mistreated, you’re essentially giving people permission to continue that behaviour.
7. You fear conflict and confrontation.
While nobody enjoys arguments, avoiding conflict at all costs can be a sign of being a doormat. It’s important to remember that healthy disagreements are a normal part of any relationship, and addressing issues directly can lead to better understanding and stronger bonds.
8. You have low self-esteem.
People-pleasing behaviour often stems from a lack of self-worth. If you don’t believe you’re valuable or deserving of respect, you’re more likely to tolerate mistreatment and put everyone else’s needs before your own. Building self-esteem is a crucial step in breaking free from the doormat pattern.
9. You struggle to receive compliments or gifts.
Do you deflect praise or feel uncomfortable when someone does something nice for you? This could be a sign of low self-worth or a belief that you don’t deserve good things. Learning to accept compliments graciously and recognising your own value is key to overcoming this pattern.
10. You overextend yourself to please other people.
Maybe you offer to help a friend move even though you’re exhausted, or cook an elaborate meal for a family gathering when a simple dish would suffice. While being helpful is kind, constantly going above and beyond can lead to burnout and resentment, especially if it’s not reciprocated.
11. You often feel taken advantage of.
This is a common feeling for people-pleasers who put everyone else before themselves. If you consistently find yourself doing favours for people, listening to their problems, or offering support without receiving anything in return, it’s time to re-evaluate those relationships and set healthy boundaries.
12. You have a hard time making decisions.
This can be due to a fear of upsetting people or making the “wrong” choice. You might find yourself constantly seeking validation or hesitating to make even simple decisions like what to order at a restaurant. Trusting your own judgment and recognising that you have the right to make choices is crucial for personal growth.
13. You frequently say “yes” when you really mean “no.”
This often happens when you’re afraid of disappointing someone or being perceived negatively. You might agree to do something you don’t have time for, or attend an event you’re not interested in, just to avoid conflict or hurt feelings. However, this can lead to resentment and frustration in the long run.
14. You feel guilty for expressing your needs or desires.
Maybe you feel selfish for asking your partner to help with chores, or hesitant to tell a friend that you need some alone time. It’s important to remember that having needs and desires is normal and healthy, and communicating them is essential for any relationship to thrive.
15. You try to change yourself to fit in or be liked.
This could involve suppressing your true personality, hiding your interests, or altering your appearance to conform to what you think people will approve of. It’s important to remember that you are worthy of love and acceptance for who you are, and trying to be someone you’re not is ultimately unsustainable and unfulfilling.
16. You believe that being a good person means always putting other people first.
While being kind and considerate is important, it’s equally important to prioritise your own well-being. Being a good person doesn’t mean sacrificing your own needs or happiness for the sake of others. It’s about finding a healthy balance between selflessness and self-care.
17. You feel like you’re constantly giving, but not receiving.
If this resonates with you, it might be time to reassess your relationships and set healthier boundaries. You deserve to be in relationships where your needs are met, your opinions are valued, and your kindness is reciprocated. It’s not selfish to want to be treated with respect and consideration, and it’s never too late to start advocating for yourself.
