We’ve all been guilty of obsessing over someone and the things they say and do when, in all likelihood, they’re not giving us a second thought.
Whether it’s an ex partner, a former friend, or even a colleague, constantly thinking about someone who really shouldn’t have a place in your thoughts can be anxiety-inducing, upsetting, and ultimately, a major waste of time. Here’s how to stop letting them take up your mental space and move on.
1. Recognise when someone is occupying your thoughts.
The first step is becoming aware of when you’re letting someone live in your head rent-free. Notice if you’re constantly thinking about a person, replaying conversations, or imagining scenarios involving them. You have to be aware of these thoughts if you want to take control of them.
2. Understand why they’re there.
Try to figure out why this person is occupying so much of your mental space. Are you angry with them? Hurt by their actions? Jealous of their success? Understanding the root cause can help you address the issue more effectively and start the process of letting go.
3. Practice mindfulness to stay in the present.
Mindfulness can help you focus on the here and now, rather than dwelling on past interactions or imagining future scenarios. When you notice your mind wandering to thoughts of this person, gently bring your attention back to the present moment. Focus on your breath or your immediate surroundings.
4. Set boundaries in real life.
If the person occupying your thoughts is someone you interact with regularly, it might be necessary to set some boundaries. This could mean limiting your contact with them, being clear about what behaviour you will and won’t accept, or even cutting ties if the relationship is toxic.
5. Challenge your thoughts.
When you find yourself obsessing over someone, challenge those thoughts. Are they based on facts or assumptions? Are you jumping to conclusions? Often, our minds can blow things out of proportion. By questioning your thoughts, you can gain a more realistic perspective.
6. Focus on self-improvement.
Source: Unsplash Instead of fixating on other people, redirect that energy towards improving yourself. Set personal goals, pick up a new hobby, or work on developing a skill. By focusing on your own growth, you’ll have less mental space for other people to occupy.
7. Forgive people for your own good.
Source: Unsplash If someone is living in your head because they’ve hurt you, consider practising forgiveness. This doesn’t mean excusing their behaviour, but rather freeing yourself from the burden of carrying that hurt. Forgiveness is more for your benefit than theirs.
8. Use positive affirmations.
Source: Unsplash Develop a set of positive affirmations to use when you find your mind drifting to unwanted thoughts about someone. These could be phrases like “I choose peace over conflict” or “I am in control of my thoughts”. Repeat these to yourself to shift your focus.
9. Engage in physical activity.
Source: Unsplash Exercise is a great way to clear your mind and reduce stress. When you find yourself obsessing over someone, go for a run, do some yoga, or hit the gym. Physical activity can help release endorphins and give you a mental reset.
10. Limit social media exposure.
If you’re constantly checking someone’s social media profiles, it’s time to stop. Unfollow or mute them if necessary. The less information you have about their life, the less fodder your mind has for creating scenarios or rehashing past events.
11. Practice gratitude.
Focusing on what you’re grateful for can help push out negative thoughts about other people. Each day, take a moment to appreciate the good things in your life. This practice can help put your concerns about other people into perspective.
12. Talk to your friends or family members for support.
Talking to trusted friends or family members can provide relief and perspective. They might offer insights you hadn’t considered, or simply provide a listening ear. Sometimes, verbalising your thoughts can help you process and let go of them.
13. Use visualisation techniques.
Imagine physically removing the person from your mind. You could visualise packing them into a box and sending them away, or picture them as a cloud that you watch float by. These mental exercises can help you feel more in control of your thoughts.
14. Focus on what you can control.
Often, we let people live rent-free in our minds because we’re trying to control things we can’t. Recognise what’s within your power to change and what isn’t. Focus your energy on the aspects of your life that you can influence, rather than worrying about other people’s actions or thoughts.
15. Practice self-compassion.
Source: Unsplash Be kind to yourself as you work on evicting these mental squatters. It’s a process, and it takes time. If you find yourself slipping back into old thought patterns, don’t beat yourself up. Acknowledge it, and gently redirect your thoughts.
16. Consider journaling.
Source: Unsplash Writing down your thoughts can be a powerful way to process and release them. When you find yourself obsessing over someone, try jotting down your feelings. This can help you gain clarity and potentially see patterns in your thinking that you can work on changing.
