If you’re a bit of a control freak, the idea of not calling the shots all the time can sound like downright torture.
However, you won’t always be able to run the show, and you shouldn’t. It’s time to learn how to relinquish a bit of power and let other people take the lead sometimes. Here’s how to make that slightly less painful.
1. Recognise when you’re micromanaging people.
Take a step back and observe your behaviour. Are you constantly looking over people’s shoulders or nitpicking their work? This habit stresses you out and undermines people’s confidence. Try to delegate tasks without hovering and trust that people are capable of handling their responsibilities.
2. Start small by letting go of minor decisions.
Practice relinquishing control over insignificant choices. Let your partner pick the restaurant for dinner, or allow a colleague to choose the meeting time. These small acts of letting go can help build your tolerance for uncertainty and show you that the world doesn’t fall apart when you’re not in charge of every detail.
3. Challenge your perfectionist tendencies.
Perfectionism often fuels the need for control. Set realistic standards for yourself and other people. Embrace the idea that “good enough” is sometimes perfectly fine. This mindset shift can reduce anxiety and free up mental energy for more important matters.
4. Practice mindfulness to stay in the present moment.
Often, our need for control stems from worrying about the future. Mindfulness techniques can help ground you in the present. Try focusing on your breath or your immediate surroundings when you feel the urge to control everything. This can help calm your mind and reduce anxiety about potential outcomes.
5. Identify and question your core beliefs about control.
Examine the underlying beliefs driving your need for control. Do you think bad things will happen if you’re not in charge? Challenge these assumptions by looking for evidence that contradicts them. You might find that many of your fears are unfounded.
6. Learn to differentiate between what you can and cannot influence.
Make a list of things in your life that you can directly control, those you can influence, and those entirely out of your hands. Focus your energy on the first two categories and practice accepting the third. This exercise can help you allocate your efforts more effectively and reduce unnecessary stress.
7. Embrace spontaneity in your daily routine.
Shake up your usual schedule by introducing small, unexpected elements. Take a different route to work, try a new hobby, or say yes to a last-minute invitation. These experiences can help you become more comfortable with unpredictability and show you that change isn’t always bad.
8. Practice expressing vulnerability with trusted people.
The need for control often stems from a fear of appearing weak or imperfect. Open up to close friends or family about your struggles and insecurities. This vulnerability can strengthen your relationships and help you realise that it’s okay not to have everything figured out.
9. Develop a growth mindset towards mistakes and failures.
Instead of viewing errors as catastrophes to be avoided at all costs, see them as opportunities for learning and growth. This perspective can help you loosen your grip on control and be more willing to take risks. Remember, some of life’s best lessons come from our missteps.
10. Set boundaries instead of trying to control people.
Rather than attempting to dictate other people’s actions, focus on establishing clear boundaries for yourself. Communicate your needs and limits clearly, but give people the freedom to make their own choices. This approach respects both your needs and other people’s autonomy.
11. Practice self-compassion when things don’t go as planned.
Be kind to yourself when situations don’t turn out as you hoped. Instead of berating yourself for not maintaining control, acknowledge that setbacks are a normal part of life. Treat yourself with the same understanding you’d offer a good friend facing a similar situation.
12. Engage in activities where you’re not an expert.
Put yourself in situations where you’re a beginner. Take up a new sport, learn a language, or try your hand at painting. Being a novice can help you become more comfortable with not being in control and remind you that it’s okay to be imperfect.
13. Reframe your view of uncertainty as excitement rather than anxiety.
When faced with unpredictable situations, try to shift your perspective. Instead of viewing uncertainty as a threat, see it as an opportunity for adventure and positive surprises. This mental shift can help transform anxiety into anticipation.
14. Practise letting people take the lead in group settings.
In work projects or social activities, consciously step back and let other people take charge. Observe how different leadership styles can be effective and how diverse perspectives can lead to innovative solutions. This can help you trust people’s capabilities more readily.
15. Celebrate the unexpected positive outcomes of relinquishing control.
As you practice letting go, pay attention to the unexpected benefits that arise. Maybe a colleague’s unconventional approach led to a breakthrough at work, or a spontaneous day out resulted in a wonderful memory. Acknowledging these positive outcomes can reinforce your efforts to loosen your grip on control.
