Ever feel like you’re constantly trying to steer the ship, micromanaging every detail and stressing over things you can’t control?
I get it — life can feel overwhelming, and sometimes it seems easier to just take charge of everything. But trust me, trying to control everything is a recipe for burnout and frustration. Here’s how you can change your approach and find a bit more balance (and sanity!) in your life.
1. Acknowledge that you can’t control everything.
This might seem obvious, but it’s a non-negotiable first step. We often fool ourselves into thinking we have more power than we actually do. We try to control the weather, other people’s actions, and even the outcomes of events. But the truth is, most things in life are beyond our control, and accepting that can be liberating. It allows us to let go of the illusion of control and focus our energy on the things we can actually influence.
2. Identify your triggers.
What are the situations or events that tend to make you feel like you need to take control? Is it a messy house, a disagreement with a loved one, or a deadline at work? Once you identify your triggers, you can start to develop strategies for dealing with them in a healthier way. Maybe it means creating a cleaning schedule to reduce household stress, learning conflict resolution skills to deal with difficult conversations, or breaking down big tasks into smaller, more manageable steps.
3. Practice mindfulness.
Mindfulness is all about being present in the moment, without judgment, Mayo Clinic explains. It can help you become more aware of your thoughts and feelings, including the urge to control. When you feel the need to take charge, pause for a moment and observe your thoughts and emotions. Don’t try to suppress them or judge them, simply acknowledge them. This can help you create a bit of distance between yourself and your urge to control, making it easier to choose a different response.
4. Focus on what you can control.
Source: Unsplash While you can’t control everything, there are always things you can. Focus your energy on these areas, rather than wasting it on things you can’t change. For example, you can’t control the traffic, but you can control how early you leave for work so you’re not. You can’t control whether your partner does the dishes, but you can control your own reaction and communicate your needs in a calm and respectful way. Shifting your focus to what you can control can help you feel more empowered and less overwhelmed.
5. Delegate and ask for help.
You don’t have to do it all alone! It’s okay to ask for help when you need it. Whether it’s delegating tasks at work, asking a friend for a favour, or seeking professional support, don’t be afraid to reach out. Sharing the load can lighten your burden and free up your energy for other things. Remember, it takes a village, and there’s no shame in admitting that you can’t do everything yourself.
6. Learn to tolerate uncertainty.
Life is full of uncertainties, and that’s okay. In fact, it’s what makes life interesting and exciting. Trying to eliminate all uncertainty is like trying to remove all the spices from a dish – it might make it easier to digest, but it also makes it bland and boring. Embrace the unknown, and learn to tolerate the discomfort of not knowing how things will turn out. This can help you become more resilient and adaptable in the face of challenges.
7. Celebrate small victories.
Every step you take towards letting go of control is a victory worth celebrating. Notice and acknowledge the times when you resist the urge to micromanage, when you delegate a task, or when you simply allow things to unfold without your intervention. Celebrating these small wins can help you build momentum and reinforce your new, healthier habits.
8. Be kind to yourself.
Letting go of control is a process, and it takes time and effort. Don’t beat yourself up if you have setbacks or slip back into old patterns. Just pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and keep trying. Remember, progress is more important than perfection. Be kind to yourself, and remember that you’re learning and growing every step of the way.
9. Embrace flexibility and adaptability.
Life rarely goes according to plan. Unexpected events and challenges are bound to happen. Instead of resisting change or trying to force things to go your way, embrace flexibility and adaptability. Learn to go with the flow and adjust your expectations as needed. This doesn’t mean giving up on your goals or dreams, but rather finding alternative paths when obstacles arise. Remember, sometimes the most beautiful destinations are discovered by taking an unexpected detour.
10. Practice acceptance.
Acceptance doesn’t mean resignation or giving up. It means acknowledging what is, without judgment or resistance. When we accept things as they are, we free ourselves from the struggle of trying to change them. This doesn’t mean we have to like or approve of everything, but rather that we choose to make peace with reality and focus our energy on what we can control. Acceptance can bring a sense of peace and tranquillity, even in the midst of chaos and uncertainty.
11. Focus on the present moment.
Often, our desire to control stems from a fear of the future or a regret of the past. We worry about what might happen or dwell on what could have been. But the present moment is the only time we truly have any control. By focusing our attention on the here and now, we can let go of our anxieties and regrets and fully engage with life as it unfolds. Practice mindfulness techniques, such as meditation or deep breathing, to help you stay grounded in the present moment.
12. Cultivate trust in yourself and others.
Trust is the foundation of any healthy relationship, both with yourself and with others. When we trust ourselves, we believe in our ability to handle whatever life throws our way. When we trust others, we allow them the space to be themselves and make their own choices. Cultivating trust involves letting go of the need to control and allowing things to unfold naturally. It means believing in the goodness of others and having faith that everything will work out in the end.
13. Set realistic expectations.
One of the main reasons we try to control everything is because we have unrealistic expectations of ourselves and others. We set the bar too high, expecting perfection in every aspect of our lives. But perfection is an illusion, and striving for it only leads to disappointment and frustration. Set realistic goals and expectations, both for yourself and for others. Celebrate your successes, learn from your mistakes, and remember that it’s okay not to be perfect.
14. Focus on gratitude.
When we focus on what we don’t have, what’s not going our way, or what we wish we could control, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed and stressed. But when we shift our focus to gratitude, we start to see the abundance and beauty in our lives. Gratitude can help us appreciate the present moment, cultivate positive emotions, and let go of the need to control. Make a habit of expressing gratitude daily, whether it’s through journaling, meditation, or simply taking a moment to reflect on the good things in your life.
15. Practice self-compassion.
We all make mistakes, we all have flaws, and we all struggle at times. It’s important to be kind to ourselves and not beat ourselves up for not being perfect. Practice self-compassion by acknowledging your imperfections, forgiving yourself for your mistakes, and treating yourself with kindness and understanding. Remember, you’re only human, and it’s okay not to have everything under control all the time.
16. Seek professional help if needed.
If you find that your need for control is interfering with your life or causing you significant distress, don’t hesitate to seek professional help. A therapist can help you understand the root of your control issues, develop coping mechanisms, and learn healthier ways to manage your emotions and relationships. Therapy can be a powerful tool for personal growth and transformation.
17. Remember, it’s a journey.
Letting go of control is not a one-time event, but a lifelong journey. There will be ups and downs, setbacks and breakthroughs. Be patient with yourself, and remember that every small step you take is a step in the right direction. With time, effort, and self-compassion, you can learn to loosen your grip on control and embrace a more relaxed and joyful way of living.
