Relationships are meant to be a source of joy, support, and mutual growth.
However, sometimes you end up in a situation where your partner is taking a whole lot more than they’re giving back. It’s a difficult feeling to grapple with, but recognising the signs early on is crucial. If you’re wondering whether you’re being used in your relationship, here are some subtle red flags to look out for.
1. It always feels like it’s about them.
Healthy relationships involve a give and take. If it feels like the spotlight’s always on their needs, their problems, their achievements, with little room for yours, that’s a sign that something’s off. A loving partner will be genuinely interested in your life and make space for your experiences too.
2. They only reach out when they need something.
Do their calls or texts always seem to coincide with needing a favour, a ride, or some emotional support? If they’re only around when it’s convenient for them, it might suggest that they’re more interested in what you can offer them than in a genuine connection.
3. You’re always the one making sacrifices.
Compromise is a natural part of any relationship, but it shouldn’t always be one-sided. If you consistently find yourself bending over backwards to accommodate their needs, while your own get pushed aside, it’s a red flag. A healthy relationship involves mutual respect and a willingness to meet in the middle.
4. They’re emotionally unavailable.
Emotional intimacy is a cornerstone of a healthy relationship. If your partner is consistently distant, dismissive of your feelings, or unwilling to open up, it can create a sense of loneliness and disconnect. A loving partner will make an effort to connect with you on an emotional level.
5. They take you for granted.
Do they appreciate your efforts, your time, and your presence in their life? Or do they seem to expect your support and affection without reciprocating? Feeling taken for granted can chip away at your self-esteem and leave you feeling unvalued. A healthy relationship involves mutual appreciation and gratitude.
6. They’re inconsistent and unreliable.
Do they make promises they don’t keep or cancel plans at the last minute? Inconsistency and unreliability can create a sense of uncertainty and anxiety. A trustworthy partner will make an effort to be dependable and follow through on their commitments.
7. You feel drained after spending time with them.
Healthy relationships should leave you feeling energised and uplifted. If you consistently feel emotionally exhausted or depleted after spending time with your partner, it might be a sign that the relationship is taking more than it’s giving. Pay attention to how you feel around them, and trust your instincts.
8. They’re manipulative or controlling.
Do they try to guilt-trip you, make you feel bad about yourself, or control your actions? These are signs of a toxic relationship. A healthy partner will respect your autonomy and support your choices, even if they don’t always agree with them.
9. They disregard your boundaries.
Healthy relationships require respect for boundaries. If your partner consistently pushes your limits, ignores your requests, or disregards your comfort level, it’s a major red flag. They should respect your need for personal space, time alone, or certain limits in the relationship.
10. They’re only interested in your resources.
Do they seem more interested in your money, your connections, or your possessions than in you as a person? A partner who is primarily focused on what they can get from you is likely using you. A healthy relationship is built on genuine affection and mutual respect, not material gain.
11. You’re always the one apologising.
Even when you haven’t done anything wrong, do you find yourself apologising just to keep the peace or avoid conflict? This pattern can really knock your self-worth and enable their unhealthy behaviour. A healthy relationship involves accountability from both sides, not just one person constantly taking the blame.
12. They isolate you from your friends and family.
Do they discourage you from spending time with your loved ones or try to control your social interactions? This can be a sign of a controlling and manipulative partner who wants to isolate you from your support network. Healthy relationships encourage and nurture connections with other people.
13. You feel like you’re walking on eggshells.
Do you constantly worry about upsetting them or triggering their anger? If you feel like you have to censor yourself or tiptoe around their moods, it’s a sign of an unhealthy power dynamic. A loving partner will make you feel safe and comfortable expressing yourself without fear of judgement or backlash.
14. Your gut feeling tells you something’s not right.
Trust your instincts. If you have a nagging feeling that something’s off in your relationship, don’t ignore it. Pay attention to those red flags and talk to your close friends, family members, or a therapist, all of whom can give you various levels of support. You deserve to be in a relationship where you feel valued, respected, and loved.
15. You’re constantly questioning your own worth.
A healthy relationship should boost your self-esteem, not destroy it. If you find yourself constantly questioning your worth, feeling insecure, or doubting your own judgement, it might be a sign that you’re being used. A loving partner will uplift you and make you feel good about yourself.
16. You’re afraid to leave.
If you’re afraid of leaving the relationship, even though you know it’s unhealthy, it’s important to get help. Fear can be a powerful motivator, but it shouldn’t keep you trapped in a situation that’s detrimental to your overall wellness. Remember, you deserve to be happy and fulfilled in your relationships.
