How To Tell When You've Crossed The Line Between Love And Obsession

Vladimir Poplavskis

Love is a beautiful thing, a feeling of deep affection and care for another person.

However, sometimes that love can take a wrong turn and morph into something less healthy: obsession. It’s a slippery slope, and it can be hard to tell when you’ve crossed the line. Here are some signs you have — and you need to take a serious step back.

1. Your thoughts are consumed by them, even when you’re not together.

It’s natural to think about someone you love, but if your thoughts are constantly fixated on them to the point where it interferes with your daily life, it could be a sign of obsession. You might find it difficult to concentrate on work, hobbies, or other relationships because your mind is constantly replaying scenarios or interactions with this person.

2. You feel an overwhelming need to control their life.

Love is about supporting and respecting someone’s choices, not controlling them. If you find yourself wanting to dictate who they see, what they do, or how they dress, that’s a red flag. You might even resort to manipulative tactics or guilt trips to get your way. This controlling behaviour is not love; it’s a sign of possessiveness and obsession.

3. You stalk their social media or try to monitor their every move.

It’s one thing to check in on someone’s social media occasionally, but if you find yourself obsessively scrolling through their posts, analysing their every interaction, or trying to track their location, that’s a sign you’ve crossed the line. This behaviour is not only invasive but also unhealthy for both you and the other person.

4. You feel extreme jealousy or insecurity about their relationships with other people.

A little jealousy is normal in any relationship, but if it’s consuming you and causing irrational behaviour, it’s a problem. You might feel threatened by their friendships, family, or even coworkers. You might try to isolate them from other people or accuse them of infidelity without any real evidence. This kind of extreme jealousy is a hallmark of obsession.

5. Your happiness is entirely dependent on them.

While being in love can bring immense joy, your happiness shouldn’t hinge solely on another person. If you find that your mood swings wildly depending on their attention or affection, or if you feel completely lost and empty without them, it’s a sign of an unhealthy attachment. Remember, you are responsible for your own happiness.

6. You make excuses for their bad behaviour or red flags.

Love can sometimes blind us to people’s flaws. But if you find yourself constantly making excuses for their disrespectful, hurtful, or even abusive behaviour, it’s time to take a hard look at the situation. Obsession can lead us to overlook serious red flags and stay in unhealthy relationships.

7. You isolate yourself from friends and family to spend more time with them.

It’s natural to want to spend a lot of time with someone you love, but it’s important to maintain other relationships as well. If you find yourself neglecting your friends and family, cancelling plans, or withdrawing from your social circle to be with this person, it’s a sign that your focus is unhealthy and obsessive.

8. You have difficulty respecting their boundaries.

Everyone has boundaries, and it’s important to respect them, even in a romantic relationship. If you find yourself pushing their limits, ignoring their requests for space, or trying to force them to do things they don’t want to do, that’s a sign of disrespect and obsession. Healthy relationships are built on mutual respect and understanding.

9. You neglect your own needs and well-being for their sake.

Love shouldn’t come at the expense of your own happiness and health. If you’re sacrificing your needs, neglecting your self-care, or abandoning your own goals and aspirations to please them, it’s a sign of an imbalanced and potentially obsessive relationship. Remember, you deserve love and care too.

10. You idealise them and put them on a pedestal.

It’s easy to see someone through rose-coloured glasses when you’re smitten, but if you start to idealise them to the point where you can’t see their flaws or shortcomings, it’s a red flag. Everyone has imperfections, and a healthy relationship acknowledges and accepts them. Obsession, on the other hand, often involves creating an unrealistic image of the person, setting yourself up for disappointment.

11. You experience extreme mood swings based on their actions or words.

Love can bring about intense emotions, but if your mood is entirely dependent on their every word or action, it’s a sign of an unhealthy attachment. If you’re elated when they’re happy with you and devastated when they’re not, your emotional well-being is too closely tied to theirs. Healthy relationships allow for emotional independence.

12. You have difficulty functioning normally without their constant reassurance.

Everyone needs reassurance and support from their partner from time to time, but if you find yourself constantly seeking validation and approval, it could be a sign of insecurity and obsession. You might need constant reminders of their love, or feel anxious and insecure when they’re not around. This neediness can put a strain on the relationship and your own emotional well-being.

13. You become overly possessive and controlling of their time and attention.

Obsession often manifests as possessiveness. You might feel like you own their time and attention, and become resentful or angry when they don’t prioritise you above everything else. You might try to restrict their interactions with other people or demand constant communication. This controlling behaviour is suffocating and can damage the relationship.

14. You feel a sense of ownership over them and their choices.

Love is about supporting someone’s autonomy and respecting their choices, not owning them. If you feel like they belong to you, have the right to dictate their decisions, or feel entitled to their love and affection, it’s a sign of an unhealthy and potentially dangerous mindset. Obsession can lead to controlling and manipulative behaviour.

15. You ignore warning signs or red flags because you’re afraid of losing them.

Sometimes, we ignore clear signs that a relationship isn’t healthy because we’re afraid of being alone or losing the person we love. But this fear can be a trap, leading us to stay in toxic or even abusive situations. If you’re constantly rationalising their behaviour, making excuses for them, or ignoring your gut feeling that something isn’t right, it’s time to re-evaluate the relationship and start putting your own well-being first.