We’ve all blurted out something we regretted, haven’t we? Foot-in-mouth disease is a real pain, but the good news is, you can develop a filter. It’s time to ditch those cringeworthy moments and become the master of your words. Here are 13 simple steps to help you think before you speak:
1. Pause and take a deep breath.
Seriously, don’t just blurt out the first thing that pops into your head. Take a moment, even if it’s just a few seconds, to hit the pause button on your thoughts, Headspace suggests. Inhale deeply, filling your lungs with air, and exhale slowly. This mini-meditation will give you a chance to centre yourself, clear your head, and choose your words more intentionally.
2. Ask yourself, “Is this helpful, necessary, or kind?”
Before you unleash that witty remark, sarcastic remark, or unsolicited opinion, do a quick gut check. Will your words actually add value to the conversation? Are they necessary to convey your message? Most importantly, are they kind and respectful? If the answer to any of these questions is no, maybe it’s best to keep your thoughts to yourself.
3. Consider the impact your words might have on the person you’re talking to.
Remember, words can be weapons, and even a seemingly harmless comment can cut deep. Before you speak, take a moment to consider how your words might affect the person you’re talking to. Will they feel hurt, offended, or misunderstood? Will your words build them up or tear them down? Empathy is key here; put yourself in their shoes and imagine how you would feel if the roles were reversed.
4. Choose your words carefully, and make sure you’re being clear and direct.
Don’t beat around the bush or rely on passive-aggressive hints. Be direct, be clear, and say what you mean. Avoid jargon, slang, or overly complex language that might confuse your listener. The goal is to communicate effectively, not to show off your vocabulary.
5. Really listen what people are saying, rather than just waiting for your turn to talk.
Engage in the conversation, nod along, make eye contact, and ask clarifying questions. Show genuine interest in what people have to say, even if you don’t necessarily agree with them. By truly listening, you’ll gain a deeper understanding of their perspective and be better equipped to respond thoughtfully.
6. Don’t interrupt people; let them finish their thoughts before you jump in.
What you have to say isn’t so important that you can’t wait another 30 seconds. Interrupting is rude, disrespectful, and shows that you value your own opinion more than theirs. Practice patience and self-control. Let people finish their sentences before you share your thoughts. You might be surprised at what you learn, or you might find that their point is moot by the time they’re done.
7. Think about your tone of voice and body language, not just your words.
Communication is a multi-faceted beast. It’s not just about the words you say, but how you say them. Your tone of voice, facial expressions, and body language can speak volumes. So before you open your mouth, take a moment to check your non-verbal cues. Are you conveying warmth and openness, or are you coming across as hostile or dismissive?
8. Ask for clarification if you’re unsure of what someone meant.
Don’t jump to conclusions or make assumptions based on your own interpretations. If you’re unsure of what someone meant, don’t be afraid to ask for clarification. It’s better to ask a clarifying question than to respond based on a misunderstanding. A simple “Could you elaborate on that?” or “Can you explain what you meant by that?” can go a long way in preventing miscommunications.
9. Don’t be afraid to admit when you’re wrong or don’t know the answer.
We all make mistakes, and we all have knowledge gaps. There’s no shame in admitting when you’re wrong or don’t have all the information. In fact, it’s a sign of humility and a willingness to learn. Be honest and upfront, and don’t be afraid to say, “I don’t know, but I’ll find out.”
10. Be empathetic and try to see things from the other person’s perspective.
Before you start flapping your gums, put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Try to understand their feelings, their motivations, and their perspective, Verywell Mind suggests. This will help you choose your words more carefully and avoid saying things you might regret. Empathy is the cornerstone of effective communication.
11. Avoid making generalizations or assumptions about people based on limited information.
Don’t judge a book by its cover, and don’t jump to conclusions about people based on stereotypes or preconceived notions — get to know them as individuals before forming an opinion. Listen to their stories, understand their experiences, and challenge your own biases. Remember, everyone is unique and complex.
12. Choose your battles wisely and don’t sweat the small stuff.
Not every disagreement needs to escalate into a full-blown argument. Some things are simply not worth fighting over. Learn to differentiate between minor annoyances and major issues. Choose your battles wisely and focus your energy on the things that truly matter.
13. Practice mindfulness and be fully present in the moment.
When you’re fully engaged in the conversation, you’re less likely to blurt out something you’ll regret. Put away your phone, turn off distractions, and focus on the person in front of you. Pay attention to their words, their tone of voice, and their body language. Be mindful of your own thoughts and feelings, and choose your words with intention.
