Trusting a therapist with your deepest thoughts, feelings, and secrets can be tough, especially when trusting people in general is not something you find easy.
If you’ve been let down, hurt, or betrayed in the past, opening up to a stranger, especially about personal things, might seem out of the question. Even if you know therapy could help, the idea of being vulnerable can trigger every defence mechanism you have. But trust isn’t something that happens instantly — it’s something that can be built over time. If you want to get the most out of therapy but struggle with trust, here are some things that might help.
1. Acknowledge that trust isn’t all or nothing.
Trust doesn’t have to be instant or absolute. It’s not about walking into a therapist’s office and sharing everything from day one. You can start small by giving just enough to see how they respond, rather than handing over all your deepest thoughts at once.
Building trust is a process, and you get to control the pace. You don’t have to feel safe immediately for therapy to work; you just need to be open to the possibility that safety can develop over time. Taking the first step, even if it’s small, is still a step in the right direction.
2. Remind yourself that therapy is different from other relationships.
If you struggle with trust, it’s probably because people in your life have hurt or disappointed you. But a therapist isn’t like a friend, partner, or family member. They’re not there to judge you, use your words against you, or let their emotions get in the way.
Their job is to listen, support, and help you work through things in a way that’s professional and objective. Unlike personal relationships, therapy gives you a space where you don’t have to worry about someone else’s reactions or feelings. Therapists have no personal stake in your life, which means their only goal is to help you, not to benefit from your trust in any way.
3. You don’t have to trust your therapist right away.
Therapy isn’t about forcing yourself to trust someone instantly. If you’ve been burned before, trust is going to take time, and that’s okay. A good therapist won’t rush you or expect you to be fully open from the start.
It’s completely fine to be guarded at first. Even small steps like showing up, answering a few questions, or admitting that you’re struggling to trust are progress. The right therapist will understand that trust isn’t automatic and will give you space to build it at your own pace.
4. Pay attention to how your therapist responds to small disclosures.
Source: Unsplash If opening up feels overwhelming, start by sharing small, low-risk things and see how your therapist reacts. Are they listening? Do they seem judgmental? Do they respect your boundaries?
Trust isn’t just about what they say, it’s about how they make you feel. If their responses feel supportive, it can make it easier to share more as time goes on. If something feels off, you can take a step back and reassess. Trust should feel natural, not forced, and their consistency in handling your disclosures will be a major factor in whether that trust grows.
5. Ask questions if you’re unsure about anything.
It’s okay to ask about the process, their experience, or even how confidentiality works. If something about therapy makes you uneasy, asking for clarification can help ease some of the doubt. Many people feel unsure about how therapy actually works, and not knowing what to expect can make it harder to relax.
A good therapist won’t get defensive or dismiss your concerns. They should be willing to explain things and help you feel more comfortable with how everything works. The more you understand, the less intimidating the process will feel.
6. Give yourself permission to be sceptical.
Source: Unsplash You don’t have to pretend to trust your therapist if you don’t. If you feel sceptical, acknowledge it instead of trying to force yourself to feel differently. Doubt doesn’t mean therapy won’t work — it just means you need time.
Trust is something that can be built even if you start out feeling unsure. A good therapist will respect where you’re coming from and won’t take it personally if you need extra reassurance. Some people warm up after a few sessions, while others take months. Both are completely normal.
7. Pay attention to their consistency.
Trust is built through repeated, predictable behaviour. If your therapist is reliable — showing up on time, listening carefully, and responding with care each session — it can slowly help you feel safer. It’s not about grand gestures; it’s about steady, ongoing consistency.
Consistency is important, especially if you’ve dealt with unreliable people in the past. The more they prove, over time, that they are steady and dependable, the easier trust becomes. Small signs, like remembering details from previous sessions, can go a long way in making you feel like you’re truly being heard.
8. Be honest about your trust issues.
Source: Unsplash If you struggle to trust, let your therapist know. You don’t have to go into detail — just saying something like, “I find it hard to trust people” can help set the tone. A good therapist won’t take this personally or pressure you to open up too quickly.
Instead, they should respect your need to take things slowly. Naming the trust issue can also help them tailor their approach in a way that makes therapy feel safer for you. Many therapists are trained to work with people who have experienced betrayal or trauma, so being upfront about your struggles can actually improve your sessions.
9. Recognise that your fear of trusting is based on past experiences.
Source: Unsplash If trusting someone feels dangerous, it’s probably because you’ve been hurt before. Your brain has learned to protect you by being cautious, but that doesn’t mean every person is a threat. Past experiences shape our instincts, but they don’t have to define our future relationships.
A therapist isn’t the same as the people who have let you down. Even if your instincts tell you to keep your guard up forever, it’s worth questioning whether those fears are based on past situations rather than your current one. Not every person in your life is out to hurt you, and therapy can help you slowly separate past fears from present reality.
10. Take note of how they handle your boundaries.
Source: Unsplash A therapist should never push you to open up before you’re ready. If they respect your boundaries and let you move at your own pace, it’s a sign they are trustworthy. Feeling safe is key in therapy, and a therapist who honours your limits will help you feel more in control of the process.
On the other hand, if they pressure you, dismiss your concerns, or make you feel uncomfortable, it might not be the right fit. Trustworthy therapists understand that trust takes time and won’t try to rush it. A good therapist will always prioritise your comfort and well-being over their own agenda.
11. Therapy isn’t about pleasing them.
If you’re a people-pleaser, you might feel pressure to open up just because you think that’s what your therapist wants. But therapy isn’t about making them happy, it’s about helping you. You don’t have to share things you’re not ready to share just because you feel like you “should.”
You don’t have to perform or say what you think they want to hear. If you need time to trust, take it. A good therapist won’t be offended if you need space before fully opening up.
12. Know that trust in therapy doesn’t mean trust everywhere else.
Sometimes, people fear that if they start trusting a therapist, it means they have to let their guard down with everyone. But trust isn’t an all-or-nothing thing; it’s specific to each relationship. Learning to trust a therapist doesn’t mean you suddenly have to be open and vulnerable with the rest of the world.
Therapy is a controlled, safe space where boundaries exist for your protection. You get to decide who earns your trust outside of that space. Just because you start feeling safe in therapy doesn’t mean you have to apply that trust elsewhere if you’re not ready.
13. Give it time, but also know when to walk away.
Source: Unsplash Trust doesn’t develop overnight, so give yourself time to adjust. Some people take weeks or months before they start to feel truly comfortable, and that’s completely fine. Rushing the process can backfire, making it even harder to open up.
However, if, after multiple sessions, you still feel uneasy or like something isn’t right, it’s okay to move on. Not every therapist is the right fit, and finding the right one can take time. If your gut feeling tells you that this particular therapist isn’t working for you, it’s completely valid to try someone else. The right therapist will feel like someone you can grow to trust — not someone you have to force yourself to open up to.
