You should always trust your instincts when it comes to relationships.
Sometimes, certain phrases or behaviours can be red flags, implying that someone might not have the best intentions. If you hear these 20 things, it’s worth paying closer attention to the person’s motives. Remember, context matters, but these statements often signal that something shady might be going on.
1. “I’m not supposed to tell you this, but…”
This phrase is often used to make you feel special or privileged, but it’s a manipulation tactic. The person is likely trying to draw you into gossip or create a false sense of intimacy. Be wary of what follows and consider why they’re sharing this information with you.
2. “You can trust me.”
Source: Unsplash Genuine trustworthiness is demonstrated through actions, not words. When someone explicitly tells you to trust them, especially unprompted, it’s often a sign that they’re trying to manipulate your perception of them. True trust develops naturally over time.
3. “Don’t tell anyone I told you this.”
Source: Unsplash Similar to the first point, this phrase is often used to make you complicit in sharing information that shouldn’t be shared. It’s a way of binding you to secrecy and can be a tactic to test your loyalty or manipulate you into keeping quiet about something questionable.
4. “I’m just playing devil’s advocate.”
Source: Unsplash While this can be a legitimate debate technique, it’s often used as a cover for expressing controversial or hurtful opinions without taking responsibility for them. Pay attention to how often they use this phrase and in what contexts.
5. “It’s not what it looks like.”
This classic line is often used when someone is caught in a compromising situation. While there can be genuine misunderstandings, this phrase is frequently employed to buy time or deflect from the truth. It’s worth investigating further if you hear this.
6. “You’re being too sensitive.”
This is a form of gaslighting that invalidates your feelings and experiences. It’s often used to deflect responsibility for hurtful actions or words. Your emotions are valid, and someone who respects you will acknowledge them, not dismiss them.
7. “I’m not like other people.”
While everyone is unique, this phrase is often used to set the speaker apart as special or superior. It can be a red flag for narcissistic behaviour or an attempt to manipulate you into treating them differently from everyone else.
8. “You owe me.”
Source: Unsplash Healthy relationships, whether personal or professional, don’t keep score. If someone frequently reminds you of what you “owe” them, they’re likely trying to manipulate you into doing something you’re not comfortable with.
9. “I’m just being honest.”
Source: Unsplash This phrase is often used as a shield for saying hurtful or inappropriate things. While honesty is important, it should be balanced with kindness and respect. Be wary of those who use brutal honesty as an excuse for cruelty.
10. “You’d do this if you really cared about me.”
This is emotional manipulation, plain and simple. It’s an attempt to guilt you into doing something you’re not comfortable with. Genuine care and respect don’t come with ultimatums or conditions.
11. “I’m not angry, I’m just disappointed.”
While this can be a genuine expression of feelings, it’s often used as a passive-aggressive way to make you feel guilty. It’s worth considering the context and frequency with which this phrase is used.
12. “You’re the only one I can talk to about this.”
This can be an attempt to isolate you or make you feel special. While it’s flattering to be trusted, be cautious if someone consistently claims you’re their only confidant, especially about questionable matters.
13. “I didn’t want to bother you with this, but…”
This phrase often precedes a request or information that the speaker knows might be burdensome or inappropriate. It’s a way of deflecting responsibility for putting you in an uncomfortable position.
14. “You’re overthinking it.”
Like “you’re being too sensitive,” this is another way of invalidating your concerns or suspicions. Trust your instincts; if something feels off, it’s worth examining further.
15. “It’s not a big deal.”
This phrase is often used to downplay the impact of their actions or words. If something feels like a big deal to you, it is. Don’t let someone else define what should or shouldn’t be important to you.
16. “You misunderstood me.”
While miscommunications happen, this phrase can be used to gaslight you about what was actually said or done. Pay attention to patterns of “misunderstandings” and trust your memory and perception.
17. “I’m doing this for your own good.”
This paternalistic statement is often used to justify controlling or manipulative behaviour. Be wary of anyone who claims to know what’s best for you, especially if their actions make you uncomfortable.
18. “You’ll regret it if you don’t.”
This is a form of pressure or threat, even if subtly phrased. It’s an attempt to manipulate your decision-making by playing on your fears. Make choices based on your own judgment, not someone else’s warnings.
19. “Let’s keep this between us.”
While there are legitimate reasons for discretion, this phrase can also be a red flag, especially if it’s about something that makes you uncomfortable. Consider why the person doesn’t want you to discuss the matter with anyone else.
20. “You’re lucky to have me.”
This statement often indicates an inflated sense of self-importance and can be a sign of emotional manipulation. Healthy relationships are based on mutual appreciation, not one-sided declarations of value.
