Some people just aren’t very good at communicating.
Maybe it’s you, maybe it’s someone you know. Either way, there are certain phrases that scream “I need to level up my communication game, STAT.” These 15 phrases reveal someone’s communication skills are seriously lacking. If you catch yourself or other people using these phrases regularly, something needs to change.
1. “No offence, but…”
Newsflash: if you have to preface something with “no offence,” it’s probably offensive. This phrase is a flimsy attempt to soften the blow of an insult or criticism. It’s like sucker-punching someone and saying “just kidding!” afterwards. If you have constructive feedback, give it directly and respectfully. Don’t try to disguise a jab as a joke. That’s not effective communication, it’s just passive-aggressive meanness. Say what you mean and own it.
2. “I’m just being honest.”
Honesty without tact is just cruelty. If you find yourself constantly defending rude remarks with “I’m just being honest,” your communication needs work. There’s a difference between truthfulness and brutal bluntness. Aim for the sweet spot of being direct but kind. Don’t use “honesty” as a free pass to spew whatever pops into your head. Consider your audience and modulate your message. Honesty is important, but so is emotional intelligence.
3. “Actually…”
Unless you’re correcting an egregious factual error, starting sentences with “actually” makes you sound like a condescending know-it-all. It immediately puts the other person on the defensive. If you have additional information to share, do it without the smug preface. Contribute to the conversation constructively instead of trying to score “gotcha” points. No one likes a pompous pedant. Share knowledge graciously.
4. “You always/never…”
Blanket generalisations are a quick way to make someone tune out. Accusing people of “always” or “never” doing something is rarely accurate and always inflammatory. It’s a lazy communication shortcut that provokes defensiveness instead of dialogue. Be specific and give concrete examples of the behaviour you want to address. Discuss the issue at hand without resorting to hyperbole. Extremist statements just breed resentment.
5. “But…”
The “but” eraser is a classic communication fail. Saying something positive followed by “but” and a negative point negates the initial compliment entirely. It’s like ordering a sundae and then dumping sardines on top. The yuck factor cancels the good. If you need to give constructive criticism, do it without sandwiching it between hollow praise. A spoonful of insincerity doesn’t help the medicine go down.
6. “Whatever.”
Eye-rolling and apathy have no place in mature conversations. Dropping a dismissive “whatever” when you’re annoyed is guaranteed to escalate tensions. It’s the verbal equivalent of sticking your fingers in your ears and humming loudly. If you’re frustrated, express yourself directly using “I feel” statements. Don’t resort to childish passive aggression. Conflict resolution requires active engagement, not sulky stonewalling.
7. “So…”
Peppering your speech with “so” is a distracting verbal tic that undermines your credibility. It’s like a neon sign blinking, “I’m unsure of what I’m saying!” There’s nothing wrong with a well-placed “so” to segue between ideas. But using it constantly makes you seem scattered and unconfident. Speak purposefully and trust that your words have weight. Cut the “so” crutch and communicate with quiet conviction.
8. “I guess.”
Timid, hesitant phrases like “I guess” make you seem unsure and easily swayed. If you have an opinion or idea, state it directly. Don’t undercut yourself with mealy-mouthed modifiers. Wishy-washy communication is frustrating for everyone. Say what you think and own it. You can be respectful without being submissive. Prefacing every thought with “I guess” guesses away your personal power. Be bold and stand behind your words.
9. “I’m just saying.”
This phrase is a weaselly attempt to distance yourself from your own statements. If you’re “just saying” something, what’s the point? Own your observations and expressions. Using this diminishing phrase is like tossing a grenade and then taking cover. If you have something meaningful to contribute, do so unapologetically. Don’t lob word bombs and then play innocent. That’s not communication, it’s cowardice. Say it with your chest.
10. “Why are you getting so upset?”
Minimising or mischaracterising someone’s emotions is a total communication blocker. If someone is genuinely upset, acknowledge their feelings without judgment. Don’t act surprised or imply they’re overreacting. That’s dismissive and condescending. Let them express themselves fully before responding. Validate their emotions, even if you disagree with their position. Empathise before problem-solving. Mature communicators navigate feelings instead of negating them.
11. “Can we just drop it?”
Shutting down a discussion abruptly is a communication cop-out. It’s a way to avoid difficult but necessary dialogues. If you’re feeling overwhelmed or need a break, say that directly. Ask to pause the conversation and resume later when you’re both calm. But don’t unilaterally declare the topic off-limits. That’s an evasive power play, not a respectful negotiation tactic. Deal with the issue, don’t duck it.
12. “It’s not a big deal.”
Minimising someone else’s concerns is patronising and unproductive. If it’s a big deal to them, it’s a big deal, period. Don’t try to dictate how someone should feel about an issue. That’s dismissive and controlling. Instead, express curiosity about their perspective. Ask questions to understand their position. Validate their feelings, even if the scope of their concern seems outsized to you. Perception is reality. Respect their lens.
13. “You’re overreacting/being dramatic/too sensitive.”
This condescending trio is a masterclass in communication dysfunction. Telling someone their emotional response is outsized or unwarranted is a quick way to escalate conflict. You don’t get to dictate someone else’s reactions. Focus on listening openly without judgment. Try to understand the root issue behind their expression. Labelling them “dramatic” or “sensitive” just shows you’d rather dismiss them than deal with their feelings. Aim for empathy, not admonishment.
14. “You should/need to…”
Unsolicited advice is communication kryptonite. Directing someone with “you should” statements presumes you know what’s best for them. It’s arrogant and overbearing. Most people just want to be heard, not lectured. If you have suggestions, offer them humbly and directly. But don’t present your opinions as gospel truth. Imposing your solutions without invitation breeds resentment. Share ideas collaboratively, don’t shove them down someone’s throat.
15. “That doesn’t make sense.”
Source: Pexels Dismissing someone’s perspective as nonsensical is an aggressive conversation stopper. Just because something doesn’t make sense to you doesn’t mean it’s invalid. Assuming you have a monopoly on reason is arrogant. Instead of shutting them down, express a sincere desire to understand their point of view. Ask clarifying questions. Rephrase their position to ensure you’re hearing them accurately. Don’t attack their rationality. Communicate to connect, not to “win” the argument.
