Good communication is a two-way street, and being a good listener is just as important as the talking bit (if not more).
People want to feel heard, understood, and valued, which is why zipping your lips and really tuning in to what they’re saying is so important. Sadly, if you’re guilty of any of these conversational habits, you’re a bit of a selfish listener. You should probably work on that!
1. You interrupt people mid-sentence.
Cutting someone off before they’ve finished speaking shows a lack of respect for their thoughts and sends the message that you value your own input more than theirs. Try to resist the urge to interject and let people finish their thoughts before responding.
2. You’re always waiting for your turn to talk.
If you’re mentally rehearsing what you’ll say next instead of focusing on what the other person is saying, you’re not truly listening. The result tends to be missed information and disconnected conversations. Give the other person your full attention and stop thinking about yourself so much.
3. You always steer the conversation back to yourself.
It’s good to share your own experiences if they’re similar to the other person’s, but constantly redirecting the conversation to your own stories is self-centred. It can make people feel unheard and unimportant. Try to maintain a balance between sharing and listening. A conversation is not a competition!
4. You give a lot of unsolicited advice.
Jumping in with possible fixes before they’re asked for can be frustrating and kind of annoying for the other person. Sometimes, people just want to be heard, not fixed. Unless they explicitly ask you for it, hold off on giving advice and focus on understanding where they’re coming from.
5. You dismiss people’s feelings or experiences.
Invalidating someone’s emotions or experiences by saying things like “It’s not that bad” or “You’re overreacting” is insensitive and selfish. Even if you don’t agree, acknowledge their feelings and try to understand their point of view.
6. You’re distracted by your phone or other devices.
Checking your phone or otherwise distracting yourself during a conversation shows a lack of respect and interest. Clearly, you think that whatever is on your device is more important than the person speaking. Put away distractions and give your full attention to the conversation. Whatever’s happening on social isn’t all that interesting.
7. You finish people’s sentences for them.
While you might think you’re being helpful, finishing other people’s sentences can be frustrating and presumptuous. It implies you don’t have the patience to let them express themselves fully. Let people complete their own thoughts, even if they’re taking a bit longer.
8. You one-up people’s stories.
Responding to someone’s experience with a “bigger” or “better” story of your own minimises their share. It turns the conversation into a competition rather than an exchange. Instead of one-upping, show interest in their story and ask follow-up questions.
9. You ignore non-verbal cues.
Communication isn’t just about words. If you’re not paying attention to body language, tone of voice, and facial expressions, you’re missing crucial information. Be mindful of these non-verbal cues to better understand the full message that’s being sent. It’s really not that hard!
10. You change the subject abruptly.
Suddenly shifting the conversation to a different topic, especially one you prefer, shows how little you care for the current conversation, even if it really matters to the other person. It can leave them feeling unheard and frustrated. If you need to change the subject, do so more naturally after your current discussion comes to an end. Don’t cut people off abruptly.
11. You listen only to agree or disagree.
If you’re solely focused on forming your own opinion rather than understanding the other person’s perspective, you’re not truly listening. Try to approach conversations with an open mind, aiming to understand rather than to judge or evaluate.
12. You make assumptions without clarifying.
Jumping to conclusions without asking for clarification can lead to misunderstandings and show a lack of genuine interest. If something is unclear, ask questions to ensure you’ve understood correctly rather than making assumptions.
13. You take over in group conversations.
When you’re with a group, if you find yourself doing most of the talking, you’re likely not giving other people a chance to contribute. Be mindful of how much you’re talking, and actively create opportunities for other people to share their thoughts and opinions. They’re just as interesting as you are, you know!
14. You fail to follow up on previous conversations.
If someone shares something important with you, and you never mention it again, it can seem like you weren’t really listening or don’t care. Remembering details from past conversations and following up shows that you value what other people share with you.
