No one likes the idea of being left behind, but for some people, that fear of abandonment is deep-seated and overwhelming.
Whether it’s due to childhood trauma or skewed dynamics you experienced in previous relationships, the constant terror of believing someone you care about might suddenly disappear from your life can be paralysing. If you do any of these things, this is obviously something you struggle with and may benefit from getting professional help to process and overcome.
1. You need constant, daily reassurance.
If you’re always asking your partner or friends if they still care about you even though they just told you so and their actions prove it, it might be a sign that you’re struggling. Having a constant need for reassurance can stem from a fear that they’ll leave you. It’s like you’re looking for proof that you’re not going to be abandoned.
2. You have a hard time being alone.
Being by yourself makes you anxious or uncomfortable, so you try to fill your schedule to avoid alone time or constantly look for people to hang out with. This could be because being alone triggers fears of being left or forgotten.
3. You’re quick to get attached.
You tend to form intense attachments very quickly in relationships, and this rush to bond might be an unconscious attempt to secure the relationship and prevent abandonment. You might find yourself planning a future together after just a few dates, thinking if you can just lock someone down, you’ll never be on your own again.
4. You’re a people pleaser.
You go out of your way to make people happy, often at the expense of your own needs. This behaviour often comes from a fear that if you don’t keep everyone satisfied, they’ll leave you. This is your way of trying to make yourself indispensable.
5. You struggle with jealousy.
Feelings of jealousy crop up often, even in situations where there’s no real threat. You might feel anxious when your partner or friends spend time with other people, despite the fact that doing so is normal and healthy. Sadly, jealousy is often rooted in a fear of being replaced or left behind.
6. You have major trust issues.
Trusting people doesn’t come easily to you — in fact, you’re always on guard, waiting for the other shoe to drop. Relying on someone is far too scary because you worry that if you let your guard down, you’ll end up hurt or abandoned.
7. You’re prone to clingy behaviour.
In relationships, you’re guilty of being overly clingy or needy. This could manifest as constant texting, wanting to spend all your time together, or feeling anxious when you’re apart. It’s like you’re trying to hold on tight so they can’t leave.
8. You have a fear of rejection.
The thought of rejection terrifies you, and it might just hold you back from putting yourself out there or taking risks in relationships. It’s closely tied to the fear of abandonment — rejection feels like a form of being left behind, in many ways.
9. You’re always waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Even when things are going well, you can’t fully enjoy it because you’re anticipating something going wrong. Existing in a constant state of waiting for disaster is often linked to a fear that good things (and people) will inevitably leave you.
10. You have a pattern of unstable relationships.
Your relationships tend to be intense and unstable. You might cycle through periods of clinginess and pushing people away, and this pattern can be a result of fear of abandonment playing out in your connections with other people.
11. You struggle with commitment.
Paradoxically, fear of abandonment can sometimes lead to commitment issues. You might avoid getting too close to prevent the possibility of being left. It’s a protective measure — if you don’t commit, you can’t be abandoned.
12. You’re overly sensitive to criticism.
Criticism, even when constructive, feels like a personal attack. Your sensitivity may come down to a fear that if you’re not perfect, people will leave you. It’s as if any flaw could be a reason for abandonment.
13. You have a hard time setting boundaries.
Setting boundaries feels risky because you’re afraid it might push people away. As a result, you might let people cross your boundaries or take advantage of you because you’re scared of losing them if you speak up.
14. You’re constantly chasing external validation.
You rely heavily on other people’s opinions and approval, largely because you worry that without it, you’re not worthy of love or connection. It’s like you’re looking for proof that you’re worth sticking around for.
15. You have abandonment nightmares.
You might have recurring dreams or nightmares about being left or forgotten, and these dreams are often a manifestation of your subconscious fears playing out while you sleep. They can be a clear sign that abandonment is a deep-seated worry for you.
