Everyone wants to be liked, so when you feel like you’re not, it can be a tough pill to swallow.
Of course, more often than not, there’s a reason for it. People don’t just decide you’re the worst for no reason. If you have any of these habits, they’re likely why people find you so off-putting. If you want to change your social game and become the type of person everyone wants to be around, you’ll have to make a change.
1. You constantly complain about everything.
We all need a vent session now and then, but if you’re always focusing on the negative, it’s exhausting for everyone around you. People come to dread conversations with someone who seems to find fault in everything. If you want to maintain relationships, try balancing your conversations with positive topics. It’s amazing how much more pleasant you’ll be to be around when you focus on the good, too.
2. You never show up on time.
Being late sends the message that you don’t value other people’s time, which can make them feel disrespected. People get frustrated when they’re always left waiting. While running late occasionally happens to everyone, consistently turning up late shows a lack of consideration. If this is something you struggle with, set alarms or plan ahead so you can show up when you say you will.
3. You take over conversations.
If you dominate discussions and rarely give other people a chance to speak, they’ll start to feel like you don’t care about their thoughts. Conversations should feel like a balance, with each person getting their turn. Make sure you’re actually listening, and show some real interest in what people have to say, rather than just waiting for your chance to cut in.
4. You judge people quickly, often before you even know them.
Being overly critical or jumping to conclusions can put people on edge. No one wants to feel like they’re under constant scrutiny. If you’re always pointing out flaws or criticising people, they’ll start to avoid you. Instead, try offering encouragement and giving people the benefit of the doubt. It makes you much easier to be around.
5. You gossip too much.
A bit of gossip is normal, but constantly talking about people behind their backs makes them question whether they can trust you. If they think you’ll talk about them the minute they leave the room, they’ll stop confiding in you. Focusing on positive conversations and avoiding too much gossip will help people feel safer around you.
6. You always want to be the centre of attention.
Constantly steering conversations or situations to focus on yourself can push people away. While it’s okay to enjoy the spotlight sometimes, dominating it makes people feel ignored or unimportant. Try taking a step back and giving people the chance to shine. You’ll find that people are more likely to include you when you don’t always need to be front and centre.
7. You never admit when you’re wrong.
No one is perfect, but if you refuse to acknowledge your mistakes, people will see you as arrogant or stubborn. Admitting when you’re wrong shows humility and helps build trust. People appreciate those who can own up to their errors rather than always needing to be right.
8. You make everything a competition.
Healthy competition can be fun, but if you’re constantly trying to one-up everyone, it gets exhausting. People don’t always want to feel like they’re being measured against you. Sometimes, it’s okay to just let people have their moment and celebrate their successes without turning it into a contest.
9. You’re unreliable.
People need to know they can count on you. If you’re constantly cancelling plans or failing to follow through on promises, people will eventually stop trusting you. Being dependable is key to maintaining strong relationships, so if this is an issue for you, work on being more consistent.
10. You give far too much personal information too soon.
Being open is great, but there’s a time and place for sharing personal details. If you unload too much too soon, people might feel overwhelmed or uncomfortable. Building trust takes time, so pace yourself when it comes to revealing intimate details about your life.
11. You’re glued to your phone.
Constantly checking your phone while with other people sends a clear message that they’re not your priority. It’s guaranteed to make people feel unimportant. Put your phone away during conversations and give people your full attention—they’ll appreciate it more than you think.
12. Your personal hygiene is questionable at best.
It may seem superficial, but neglecting your hygiene can make people really uncomfortable. Basic self-care is a sign of respect for yourself and those around you. If people are put off by your appearance or smell, it’s time to step up your grooming game.
13. You constantly talk down about yourself.
A little self-deprecation can be endearing, but if you’re always putting yourself down, it becomes draining for those around you. People want to uplift their friends, but constantly having to reassure someone is exhausting. Work on building your confidence instead of relying on other people to boost your self-esteem.
14. You don’t respect people’s boundaries.
Pushing for more than people are willing to give—whether it’s information, intimacy, or time—can make them uncomfortable. Respecting personal space and emotional boundaries is vital in any relationship. People are more likely to stick around if they feel you honour their limits.
15. You’re stuck in your ways and unwilling to change.
Being inflexible or resistant to new ideas can make you seem close-minded. People enjoy spending time with those who are open to new experiences and willing to adapt. If you’re always stuck in your routines and viewpoints, you might find people gravitating towards more open-minded friends.
16. You take everything too personally.
If you’re quick to take offence or assume everything is directed at you, it creates an uncomfortable dynamic. People don’t want to feel like they have to walk on eggshells around you. Learning not to take things so personally will help you be more approachable and easygoing.
