Maybe you pride yourself on “telling it like it is” and being upfront and honest, no matter the circumstance.
In theory, that’s a good thing. Sugar-coaching or blowing smoke up people’s backside is disingenuous and off-putting. However, there’s a very fine line between being “blunt” and being downright rude. If you say these things, you’ve crossed into the latter territory.
1. “No offence, but…”
If you have to give a disclaimer before you say something, chances are, you know right well how it’s going to come off. “No offence” means “I’m about to say something really offensive, but I don’t want you to hold it against me,” and that’s not okay.
2. “You always…” or “You never…”
Sure, people have certain patterns of behaviour that are frustrating, but you can’t make sweeping generalisations about them. Human beings are a bit more complex and nuanced, and ignoring that only makes you look bad.
3. “It’s just a joke.”
Jerks love to use “humour” as a catch-all for saying really terrible things but avoiding accountability for them when people on the receiving end of their remarks react. You shouldn’t have to tell someone that something is a joke. If they’re not automatically laughing and have to dig for meaning, it’s not funny.
4. “Calm down.”
It’s pretty dismissive to tell someone to calm down when they’re clearly upset, largely because you’re basically telling them that how they feel doesn’t matter, and you don’t want to hear it. It’s emotionally invalidating, and that’s rude.
5. “You’re so dramatic.”
There are definitely drama queens/kings out there who turn even the most minor issues into soap operas, but telling them so isn’t going to make them suddenly realise the error of their ways and switch things up. Plus, most of the time, when people say this, they’re saying it to someone who’s literally just upset and expressing it aloud.
6. “I’m not racist/sexist/homophobic, but…”
Again, starting a sentence off with this disclaimer tells people you’re the exact type of person you’re trying not to be. If you have to make it clear that you’re not a raging bigot, you should probably keep those problematic thoughts to yourself (and examine why you have them in the first place).
7. “That’s not my problem.”
Yes, you have to protect your energy, and you can’t internalise everyone else’s problems all the time, but dismissing someone by completely writing off what they’re saying and not even being willing to hear them out is incredibly rude.
8. “You should be grateful.”
Guilt-tripping someone into feeling grateful for something you’ve done for them is manipulative and undermines any genuine sense of appreciation. If you were really all that generous, you wouldn’t need applause for the gesture.
9. “You’re lucky I…”
Saying this tells the person that you think you’ve done them a favour they don’t deserve, and that sounds like a you problem. You’re lucky they don’t throw a drink in your face/kick you out of their flat/stop talking to you forever.
10. “I can’t believe you did that.”
You might not understand someone’s behaviour, but being judgemental about it just makes you look like a jerk. You can totally talk to someone about why they did something, but keep your opinions about it to yourself unless they ask.
11. “You’re just like your mother/father.”
This is the oldest insult in the book, and it’s just as rude as it ever was. Plus, it implies that you think their parent is in some way messed up/deficient, which is rude to both the person you’re saying it to and their family member.
12. “I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining.”
If you have to beleaguer your point by insisting that you’re just explaining, even though they’ve already understood and simply disagreed with you, you need to learn to let it go. It’s rude to continue to insist on pushing your own agenda on other people.
13. “Whatever.”
What are you, a moody teenager? This is an immature retort to hearing something you don’t want to hear, and it’s also really rude and dismissive.
14. “You wouldn’t understand.”
Assuming that your problems/points of view are so complex that no one could ever possibly understand them is delusional, snobby, and rude. If you took the time to explain yourself and have a proper conversation, you might just find that people can understand you perfectly fine.
15. “It’s not a big deal.”
Something might not be a big deal to you, but that doesn’t mean it’s not to someone else — and they’re not wrong for it. Understand that your feelings aren’t more important than anyone else’s, and people are allowed to feel how they do.
16. “You’re so annoying.”
This blanket statement is not only rude but also unhelpful. It doesn’t address any specific behaviour or provide any decent feedback. If someone is truly doing something to upset you, confront the specific behaviour rather than just writing them off in this way.
17. “I’m too busy for this.”
While it’s important to set boundaries and prioritise your time, dismissing someone’s needs or concerns just comes off as dismissive and uncaring. If you genuinely can’t help at the moment, offer to talk to them later.
