We all have our moments, but some phrases are dead giveaways that someone’s inner mean girl (or boy) is coming out to play.
Whether it’s a backhanded compliment or a thinly veiled insult, these sayings are the verbal equivalent of a sucker punch. If you catch yourself using these phrases often, it might be time to work on your kindness.
1. “I’m just being honest!”
The battle cry of people who confuse honesty with cruelty. It’s like they think being a jerk comes with a get-out-of-jail-free card as long as they’re “telling the truth.” News flash: you can be honest without being brutal.
2. “You’re too sensitive.”
This gem is usually trotted out when someone’s called them on their bad behaviour. It’s a classic move to shift blame and make the other person feel like they’re the problem. It’s gaslighting 101.
3. “I told you so.”
The verbal equivalent of doing a victory dance on someone’s misfortune. It’s not about being right; it’s about making the other person feel worse when they’re already down. Classy move, really.
4. “No offence, but…”
Spoiler alert: offence is definitely coming. This phrase is like a warning klaxon for an incoming insult. It’s as if they think these magic words give them a free pass to be as rude as they want.
5. “You look tired.”
Unless you’re offering a nap or a coffee, this is just a thinly veiled way of saying, “You look awful.” It’s rarely helpful and often just makes the recipient feel self-conscious.
6. “Who wears the pants in your relationship?”
Welcome to the 1950s, where relationships are power struggles and gender roles are rigid! This outdated phrase is not only sexist, but also promotes unhealthy relationship dynamics.
7. “You’d be so pretty if…”
The backhanded compliment of the century. It’s a criticism disguised as advice, and it’s incredibly hurtful. It suggests that the person isn’t good enough as they are and needs to change to meet someone else’s beauty standards.
8. “I don’t mean to be rude, but…”
Oh, but you do. You really, really do. This phrase is usually followed by something incredibly rude, as if the disclaimer somehow negates the nastiness that follows.
9. “You’re not like other women/men.”
This might sound like a compliment, but it’s actually an insult to an entire gender. It implies that most men or women are somehow inferior, and the person they’re talking to is an exception. It’s not flattering; it’s just sexist.
10. “Calm down.”
Has anyone in the history of calming down ever actually calmed down when told to calm down? This phrase dismisses someone’s feelings and often escalates the situation it’s supposedly trying to defuse.
11. “You’re overreacting.”
Another classic move to invalidate someone’s feelings. It’s patronising and suggests that the speaker knows better than the person actually experiencing the emotions.
12. “I’m not racist, but…”
Spoiler alert: what follows is almost always racist. It’s as if they believe this disclaimer somehow negates the prejudiced statement they’re about to make. Newsflash: it doesn’t.
13. “You’d understand if you were smarter.”
The battle cry of pseudo-intellectuals everywhere. It’s a way to dismiss someone’s perspective while simultaneously insulting their intelligence. Double whammy of nastiness.
14. “It’s just a joke, don’t be so sensitive.”
When someone calls them out on an offensive comment, this is their go-to defence. It puts the blame on the person who was offended rather than taking responsibility for the hurtful remark.
15. “You’re not still upset about that, are you?”
This dismissive phrase invalidates someone’s feelings and implies they should be over something on your timeline, not theirs. It’s a lack of empathy wrapped in impatience.
16. “I’m not like other people.”
Usually said by someone who is exactly like other people, just with an extra dose of arrogance. It’s a way of putting themselves on a pedestal while looking down on everyone else.
17. “That’s not how we do things here.”
Often used to shut down new ideas or perspectives, this phrase is the battle cry of people resistant to change and unwilling to consider different viewpoints.
18. “You’ll understand when you’re older.”
A patronising way to dismiss someone’s opinion based on their age. It assumes that the speaker’s perspective is superior simply because they’ve been around longer.
19. “I’m just playing devil’s advocate.”
Often used as an excuse to say something controversial without taking responsibility for it. It’s a way to stir the pot while pretending to be objective.
20. “You’d look better if you smiled.”
A classic line that suggests people (often women) exist for other people’s visual pleasure. It’s patronising and ignores the fact that people have feelings and lives beyond other people’s perceptions.
21. “I’m not trying to be mean, but…”
Oh, but you are. You really, really are. This phrase is usually followed by something incredibly mean, as if the disclaimer somehow excuses the nastiness that follows.
