Constructive feedback is helpful for kids, but if you grew up being relentlessly criticised, you’re likely still feeling the effects today.
While you may have processed a lot of what you were told and what you experienced as a kid, regularly being made to feel as if you can’t say or do anything right, especially during your formative years, can really leave its mark on you. As a result, you may have these complexes as an adult. As always, if you’re truly struggling, consider talking to your GP, a professional counsellor or therapist, or even contact Samaritans at 116 123.
1. Compliments make you squirm.
Ever feel awkward when someone praises you? Instead of just saying “thank you,” you might brush it off or even put yourself down. Deep down, you might not believe you deserve the recognition, so you deflect it. This can make it hard to connect with the positive vibes people are sending your way. Over time, constantly deflecting compliments can chip away at your self-esteem even more.
2. The thought of failing keeps you up at night.
You’re terrified of messing up, and that fear can stop you from taking chances or trying new things. Maybe you stick to what’s safe to avoid any potential criticism, but playing it safe all the time can hold you back from amazing opportunities. It’s like having an invisible barrier that keeps you from reaching your full potential.
3. Your inner voice is your harshest critic.
That critical voice from your past? It’s now taken up residence in your head. You often catch yourself being overly harsh, picking apart your actions and focusing on flaws. The constant self-criticism can really wear you down. It might even make you doubt yourself in situations where you’re actually doing just fine.
4. Making choices is a major struggle.
Even small decisions can feel overwhelming because you struggle to trust your own judgement. You second-guess yourself constantly, wondering if you’re making the right choice. Your indecisiveness can affect everything from what to eat for dinner to major life decisions. It can be mentally exhausting and add unnecessary stress to your day.
5. Feedback feels like a personal attack.
When someone offers criticism—even if they’re trying to help—you might feel like they’re attacking you personally. Your defences go up quickly, or you might feel upset and dwell on it. Your sensitivity can make it tough to learn and grow from other people’s input. It can also strain relationships if people feel like they have to walk on eggshells around you.
6. You’re always fishing for approval.
You have a strong need for other people to validate you. It’s like you’re constantly checking to see if you’re doing okay in their eyes. That might lead you to go out of your way to please people, even at your own expense. Basing your self-worth on other people’s opinions can be draining and make it hard to figure out what you truly want.
7. You feel like a fraud waiting to be exposed.
No matter how much you’ve achieved, you can’t shake the feeling that you’re faking it. You worry that one day, everyone will realise you’re not as competent as they think. Imposter syndrome can really undermine your confidence at work or in other areas of life. It might stop you from going for promotions or new opportunities because you doubt yourself.
8. Good enough is never good enough for you.
You set impossibly high standards for yourself, and even when you meet them, you feel like you could’ve done better. While striving for excellence can be positive, your perfectionism can leave you feeling constantly disappointed and burnt out. It might also make it hard to enjoy your accomplishments because you’re always focusing on what didn’t go perfectly.
9. Speaking up for yourself is a Herculean task.
You find it really hard to assert yourself. Whether it’s expressing your needs or standing your ground in a disagreement, it feels daunting. This can leave you feeling powerless and frustrated in your relationships. You might avoid conflicts altogether, even when something really bothers you, which can lead to resentment over time.
10. Letting people in is a real struggle.
Source: Unsplash Trusting people doesn’t come easy. There’s always a part of you that’s on guard, worried about being judged or hurt. That can make it tough to form deep, meaningful connections with people. You might keep your distance emotionally, even when you crave closeness, which can be pretty isolating.
11. Social situations tie your stomach in knots.
Source: Unsplash You often feel anxious in social settings, overthinking every interaction and worrying about how you’re coming across, and that makes it hard to relax and enjoy being around other people. You might find yourself replaying conversations in your head, analysing what you said, and stressing over it long after the event is over.
12. You’re always pushing yourself to the limit.
Source: Unsplash You have a tendency to overachieve, taking on more than you can handle or setting goals that are a bit too ambitious. While this drive can lead to success, it often comes at the cost of your well-being and personal life. You might feel constantly overwhelmed, but you keep pushing because slowing down feels like failing.
13. You struggle to put yourself first.
Saying “no” doesn’t come naturally to you; you find it hard to set boundaries or prioritise your own needs. Over time, it can leave you feeling stretched thin and even resentful because you’re always putting other people before yourself. You might feel guilty when you try to focus on yourself, thinking it’s selfish, even though self-care is essential.
14. Mistakes feel like the end of the world.
When you mess up, even in a small way, it feels catastrophic. You might dwell on it for ages, replaying the scenario and beating yourself up. This fear of making errors can make you overly cautious and stressed out. It might also stop you from trying new things because the idea of failing is just too overwhelming.
15. You downplay your achievements.
When you accomplish something, you tend to brush it off or attribute it to luck. Instead of celebrating, you might think, “It wasn’t a big deal” or “Anyone could have done it.” This habit can prevent you from recognising your own capabilities and worth. It also means you miss out on the joy and confidence that come from acknowledging your hard work.
