Parenting doesn’t stop when your kids grow up, but the relationship changes, and you have to respect that.
Sometimes, adult children struggle to set boundaries with their parents, but they’re sorely needed so that the children can grow, evolve, and establish their own lives. Here are 15 things they might say when they’re actually asking for more space.
1. “I’ve got this handled.”
When your adult child says this, they’re telling you they don’t need your help right now. They’re confident in their ability to manage the situation. Even if you think you know better, it’s time to step back and let them handle things their way.
2. “I’ll let you know if I need any advice.”
This is a polite way of saying, “Please don’t offer unsolicited advice.” Your child is trying to establish that they’re capable of making their own decisions. They’ll come to you if they want your input, but for now, they’d prefer you to hold off on the suggestions.
3. “We’re still figuring out our own family traditions.”
This often comes up around holidays or big life events. Your adult child is trying to create their own family culture, which might be different from yours. They’re asking for space to establish their own traditions without feeling pressured to stick to the old ones.
4. “I’m not sure about our plans yet.”
This could be a gentle way of saying they need some breathing room. They might feel you’re trying to plan too much of their time or that you’re expecting them to include you in all their plans. It’s a hint that they need some independence in their schedule.
5. “We’re doing what works best for us right now.”
This often comes up when you’ve offered advice on how they should be doing things, especially with their own kids. They’re telling you that they’ve thought about their choices and are confident in their decisions, even if they’re different from what you’d do.
6. “I appreciate your concern, but I’m okay.”
Your adult child is acknowledging that you care, but they’re also setting a boundary. They’re letting you know that while they understand you’re worried, they don’t need you to step in. It’s a request for you to trust that they can handle their own problems.
7. “I’ll think about what you’ve said.”
Source: Unsplash This is often a diplomatic way of saying, “I hear you, but I might not do what you’re suggesting.” They’re trying to acknowledge your input without committing to following your advice. It’s a way of asking you to respect their right to make their own choices.
8. “We’ve decided to do things differently this year.”
This could be about holidays, visits, or family traditions. Your adult child is trying to tell you that they’re making changes that work for their life now. They’re asking you to be flexible and understanding, even if it’s not what you’re used to.
9. “I know you mean well, but…”
When your adult child starts a sentence this way, they’re trying to soften the blow of disagreeing with you. They’re acknowledging your good intentions while also standing firm on their own position. It’s a request for you to step back, even if you think you’re helping.
10. “I’m not comfortable discussing that.”
This is a clear boundary. Your adult child is telling you that you’ve entered territory they consider private. They’re asking you to respect their privacy and not push for information they’re not ready or willing to share.
11. “We’ll let you know when we’ve made a decision.”
This often comes up when you’re asking about big life choices like having kids or buying a house. Your adult child is saying they need space to make these decisions without feeling pressured. They’ll share when they’re ready, but for now, they need you to back off.
12. “I understand that’s how you did it, but times have changed.”
Your adult child is trying to tell you that they’re aware of your experience, but they’re living in a different world. They’re asking you to recognise that what worked for you might not be the best approach now, and to trust their judgement in navigating modern challenges.
13. “I know you’re trying to help, but it’s stressing me out.”
This is a direct request for you to step back. Your adult child is telling you that your involvement, while well-intentioned, is causing them anxiety. They’re asking you to give them space to handle things without the added pressure of your help or expectations.
14. “We’re adults now, Mum/Dad.”
If your adult child says this, they’re reminding you that the parent-child dynamic has changed. They’re asking you to treat them as equals and to recognise their autonomy. It’s a request for you to adjust your behaviour to reflect their adult status.
15. “I love you, but I need some space.”
This is perhaps the clearest statement of all. Your adult child is directly telling you they need more independence. They’re reassuring you of their love while also setting a clear boundary. It’s important to respect this request and give them the space they’re asking for.
