People with high EQ tend to be great at reading the room, handling emotions, and easily dealing with social situations.
However, that doesn’t mean they don’t get confused by some of the unspoken social rules that exist in everyday life. In fact, because they’re so in tune with feelings, they sometimes find it hard to understand why certain behaviours are expected, why people don’t always say what they mean, or why social dynamics can be inconsistent. Despite their well-developed sense of emotional intelligence, they’re still a bit flummoxed by these things — and really, who could blame them?
1. People don’t always mean what they say.
People with high EQ tend to value honesty and emotional clarity, so they find it confusing when someone says one thing but means something else. In a perfect world, everyone would be upfront and honest, even if what they had to say wasn’t exactly pleasant. Whether it’s someone insisting they’re “fine” when they’re clearly upset or agreeing to plans they don’t actually want to keep, they struggle with the lack of directness in everyday interactions.
2. Sometimes politeness is preferred to honesty.
Honesty is important, but in some social situations, sugar-coating or avoiding uncomfortable truths is seen as the “polite” thing to do. You’re expected to keep the truth to yourself, or at least heavily downplay it, in order to avoid things getting awkward or people having their feelings hurt. For those with high emotional intelligence, however, it’s a struggle to understand why some prefer a white lie over a direct but kind response, especially when they believe honesty leads to healthier communication.
3. Small talk is expected, even when it’s meaningless.
Emotionally intelligent people thrive on deep, meaningful conversations, so the idea of chatting about the weather or making surface-level observations can feel frustrating. Sure, they’ve done it in their time, but they’d prefer to have more engaging chats about topics that are interesting and eye-opening. Because of this, they wonder why people have full-blown chats that don’t actually reveal anything major. However, they do understand that small talk serves as a social bridge, allowing people to connect in a low-pressure way before diving into deeper topics.
4. People often hide their true feelings to “keep the peace.”
Because they naturally process emotions in a healthy way, they tend to be confused when other people suppress their true feelings instead of addressing them. It can be frustrating to see people avoid necessary conversations or pretend everything is fine just to maintain harmony, especially when those emotions eventually resurface in passive-aggressive ways. Just confront your emotions so you can move on!
5. Some social rules are more about status than actual connection.
Things like who should text first, how long to wait before replying, or who gets invited to certain events can seem like unnecessary games to people with high EQ. They prioritise real connection over social politics, so when interactions feel more about status, hierarchy, or appearances rather than genuine relationships, it can feel frustrating and unnecessary. That’s not going to be fulfilling in the long run, so why bother?
6. People expect you to downplay your feelings.
They’re comfortable talking about feelings, but they quickly learn that not everyone is on the same page. In many social situations, expressing emotions too openly, especially vulnerability, can make people uncomfortable. That can be confusing for emotionally intelligent people, who see emotional honesty as a strength rather than something to suppress.
7. Silence is often misinterpreted.
For highly emotionally intelligent people, comfortable silence is perfectly fine because it allows for reflection and a deeper connection. However, they may notice that many people find silence awkward or assume something is wrong when a conversation momentarily pauses, leading to unnecessary attempts to fill the gap with small talk or forced interaction.
8. People say they want feedback, but they don’t really mean it.
Because they value growth and self-awareness, emotionally intelligent people tend to offer thoughtful, constructive feedback when asked. Of course, they quickly realise that sometimes, when people ask for feedback, they’re actually looking for validation—not an honest perspective. That can lead to confusion when their well-intended honesty isn’t received well. Why do people ask for advice or constructive criticism when they clearly don’t want it?
9. Some arguments aren’t about the issue at all.
They’re great at resolving conflicts, but they often find themselves confused when arguments seem irrational or when they go in circles. They understand that sometimes, the real problem isn’t what’s being discussed; it’s something deeper, like stress, insecurity, or unspoken resentment. However, getting other people to acknowledge this can be a challenge. Because they value their time and energy, they tend to disengage when other people don’t want to deal with the real issue, which makes it seem like they don’t care even when they do.
10. People sometimes resist emotional depth.
Because they naturally pursue deep conversations, emotionally intelligent people may struggle to understand why some people actively avoid discussing personal emotions. For some, keeping things light is a way of feeling safe, while others may not have the tools to process their feelings. This can be pretty tough for emotionally intelligent people, who see emotional depth as a normal and healthy part of life.
11. Social hierarchies often matter more than kindness.
Highly emotionally intelligent people believe in treating everyone with kindness, regardless of their status. So they can be confused by social dynamics where people act differently based on someone’s job title, popularity, or influence. They struggle to understand why some people are treated with more respect or consideration simply because of their status, rather than their character.
12. People often avoid apologising, even when they’re wrong.
Emotionally intelligent people are usually quick to take responsibility for their mistakes, so they can be confused when other people refuse to do the same. They understand that apologising doesn’t mean losing power—it actually strengthens relationships. But in many cases, people would rather avoid admitting fault than risk feeling vulnerable.
13. Empathy is sometimes seen as weakness.
Because they value emotional connection and kindness, emotionally intelligent people can be surprised when someone sees empathy as something soft or naive. They know that empathy takes strength and self-awareness, but in competitive or high-pressure environments, they may find that people mistake kindness for a lack of toughness or assertiveness.
