Growing up feeling unimportant is an experience you carry with you for the rest of your life.
While your parents shouldn’t make you feel like you’re the centre of the universe, you should certainly be central in theirs. However, when you’re raised by caregivers who ignore you, push you away, or make you feel like nothing more than an inconvenience, it really messes you up. That’s why those who go through this as kids often become adults who do some pretty sad things. While not everyone develops these behaviours, they’re incredibly common and could point to a need for therapy or counselling.
1. They constantly chase external validation.
Adults who felt unimportant as children may develop an intense need for external validation. They may constantly need reassurance about their worth, and as a result end up fishing for compliments or requiring constant affirmation from friends, partners, or colleagues.
2. They struggle with setting boundaries.
Having grown up feeling like their needs didn’t matter, these adults might find it hard to establish and maintain healthy boundaries. They may let other people take advantage of them or struggle to say no, worrying that asserting themselves might lead to rejection.
3. They become people-pleasers.
In an attempt to feel valued, they might go to great lengths to please other people, often at the expense of their own happiness and health. That could manifest as always saying yes to the things people ask of them, even when it’s inconvenient or harmful to themselves.
4. They have serious trust issues.
The experience of feeling unimportant in childhood can lead to trust issues in adulthood. They might be wary of forming close relationships because they’re scared that everyone will eventually dismiss or devalue them, just as they felt happened in their youth.
5. They may develop perfectionist tendencies.
In an effort to prove their worth, some might become perfectionists. They often set unrealistically high standards for themselves, believing that only by being ‘perfect’ will they be valued and acknowledged.
6. They struggle with self-advocacy.
Having grown up feeling like their voice didn’t matter, these adults might find it hard to stand up for themselves or advocate for their needs. They often stay quiet in situations where they should speak up because they worry that their opinions or needs will be dismissed.
7. They may have low self-esteem.
The childhood feeling of being unimportant can translate into low self-esteem in adulthood. They might constantly doubt their own worth, abilities, and decisions because they struggle to recognise their own value.
8. They might become overly self-reliant.
Some may develop an extreme sense of independence, believing they can only rely on themselves. This can make it really hard for them to ask for help or to let people support them, even when they genuinely need assistance.
9. They may struggle with emotional regulation.
Source: Unsplash Not having their emotional needs met in childhood can result in trouble managing emotions as adults. They might experience intense mood swings, overreact to any sort of perceived slight, or have trouble expressing their feelings appropriately.
10. They could develop a fear of abandonment.
The childhood experience of feeling unimportant might manifest as a deep-seated fear of abandonment in adult relationships. They may become overly clingy or constantly worry that loved ones will leave them.
11. They might find it hard to celebrate their achievements.
Adults who felt unimportant as children may struggle to acknowledge or celebrate their own successes. They might downplay their achievements or feel uncomfortable when receiving praise, as it conflicts with their ingrained sense of unworthiness.
12. They may engage in attention-seeking behaviour.
Some might resort to dramatic or attention-seeking behaviours to ensure they’re noticed. This could range from always needing to be the centre of attention in social situations to creating crises that require other people to focus on them.
13. They could develop a strong need for control.
Source: Unsplash To counteract the helplessness they felt as children, some adults might develop an intense need for control in their lives. This could manifest as micromanaging, difficulty delegating tasks, or anxiety when faced with unpredictable situations.
14. They might struggle with commitment.
Fear of not being truly valued could lead to difficulties in committing to long-term relationships or projects. They might sabotage potential connections or opportunities, subconsciously believing they’re not worthy of success or lasting relationships.
15. They may have a tendency to overcompensate.
Some adults might go to extreme lengths to prove their worth, overcompensating in various areas of life. This could involve workaholism, excessive generosity, or constantly trying to be the ‘best’ friend, partner, or employee.
16. They could develop a fear of vulnerability.
Having felt unimportant or dismissed in childhood, these adults might struggle with being vulnerable. They may have difficulty opening up emotionally, sharing their true feelings, or letting people see their weaknesses because they’re scared that vulnerability will lead to further rejection or dismissal.
