The effects of feeling ignored or unimportant as a child don’t just disappear once the person grows up.
In fact, unless that trauma is processed and overcome, chances are, it just festers and changes the type of adult the person becomes. Here are some things people who felt like they didn’t matter when they were little tend to do long after they leave home. Does this sound like you?
1. They constantly seek validation from other people.
When you’ve grown up feeling like you don’t matter, you might find yourself always chasing other people’s approval. It’s like you’re trying to fill up that empty space from childhood with gold stars from everyone around you. Every “well done” or “good job” feels like a little victory.
2. They struggle to say no, even when they want to.
Saying no can feel impossible when you’re used to thinking your needs don’t matter. You might end up agreeing to things you don’t want to do, just to keep everyone around you happy. It’s like you’re still that kid, trying to be good enough to be noticed.
3. They downplay their own achievements, no matter how impressive they might be.
Even when they do well, they might brush it off as no big deal. It’s not just modesty — it’s like they can’t quite believe they’ve done something worthwhile. Compliments might make them squirm because deep down, they’re not sure they deserve them.
4. They can be people-pleasers to the extreme.
Always putting other people first might seem noble, but it can be exhausting. They might bend over backwards to make everyone else happy, often at the cost of their own mental and emotional health. It’s as if they’re still trying to earn that attention and love they missed out on as a child.
5. They tend to have a hard time trusting people’s sincerity.
When you grow up feeling unimportant, it can be tough to believe that anyone really cares about you. This can lead to a lot of second-guessing in relationships. They might always be waiting for the other shoe to drop, even when things are going well.
6. They often apologise for things that aren’t their fault.
Sorry seems to be the hardest word for some, but for these people, it’s often the first word out of their mouths. They might apologise for existing in someone’s space or for having needs. It’s like they’re constantly trying to make up for being a bother, even when they’re not.
7. They may have trouble setting boundaries.
When you’re not used to your needs being important, it can be really hard to stand up for yourself. In fact, setting boundaries might feel selfish or wrong. They might let people walk all over them because they don’t feel they have the right to say “enough is enough”.
8. They could be overly critical of themselves.
That inner voice can be pretty harsh when you’ve grown up feeling unimportant. They might beat themselves up over tiny mistakes or hold themselves to impossibly high standards. They’re trying to be perfect to finally feel worthy of attention and love.
9. They might struggle with decision-making.
When you’re not used to your opinions mattering, making decisions can feel overwhelming. They might second-guess every choice or look to other people to make decisions for them. They don’t trust their own judgement because they were never taught that their thoughts were valuable.
10. They could have a fear of abandonment.
Feeling unimportant as a child can lead to a deep-seated fear of being left behind. They might cling to relationships, even unhealthy ones because the thought of being alone feels worse than staying in a bad situation. Deep inside, they’re still that child, desperate for any kind of attention.
11. They may find it hard to express their needs, or even figure out what they are.
Speaking up about what they want or need can feel almost impossible. They might hint at things instead of asking directly, or just go without rather than risk being seen as demanding. They still believe their needs are a burden to people.
12. They could be prone to overachieving.
Some might go the other way and become high achievers, always striving to be the best. But it’s not just about success — it’s about proving their worth. They might feel like they have to be exceptional just to deserve basic love and attention.
13. They might have a hard time accepting compliments.
When someone says something nice, they might brush it off or argue against it. It’s not just modesty — it’s that they genuinely struggle to believe good things about themselves. Compliments can make them uncomfortable because they don’t align with their self-image.
14. They could be overly sensitive to criticism.
Source: Unsplash Even mild criticism might feel like a personal attack. They might react defensively or feel crushed by feedback that others would take in stride. It’s like every critique confirms their worst fears about being unworthy or unimportant.
15. They may have trouble celebrating their successes.
When good things happen, they might struggle to enjoy them fully. There could always be a “but” or a “what if” that stops them from really savouring their achievements. They’re always waiting for the other shoe to drop, never quite believing they deserve good things.
16. They could have a tendency to overthink every social interaction.
They might replay conversations in their head, worrying about how they came across. Every interaction can feel like a test they’re afraid of failing. They’re constantly trying to prove they’re worth talking to, and worth being friends with.
17. They may struggle with self-care.
Taking care of themselves might feel selfish or unnecessary, and they might put everyone else’s needs first, neglecting their own in the process. It’s as if they still don’t quite believe they’re important enough to deserve care and attention, even from themselves.
